My girlfriend of six years, we have 3 children together has now left me, she took my children and filed a complaint that I put my hands on her and threaten her. This is all untrue. I love her, I would never try to hurt her. Now I find out that she has been seeing someone else while we were together and I figure this is why she is accusing me. She just wanted to leave me, but act like it was my fault. This is all just a big lie and I miss and worry about my children. This all happened 3 days ago. I need help! What is my recourse. I want my children back. If she wants to leave me, I can deal with that, but never seeing my children--I can't deal with that. Does anyone have any advice?
Assault & Battery falsely accused of domestic violence
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Proserpina
Moderator
See an attorney asap, and file to establish paternity (if that hasn't been done already), custody/visitation and child support.
Has she actually filed anything against you? Police report? Restraining order?
Has she actually filed anything against you? Police report? Restraining order?
army judge
Super Moderator
Your legal remedies are few.slogan said:
You should establish paternity, if you ever want to see the children again.
If you've established paternity already, bring a custody action to see your children.
Thanks, I have already established paternity. I am in the process of getting evaluated to help establish that I am not a violent, abusive person. We have never had police called in for any kind of domestic disturbance. I know that it is my word against hers and because I am a man, it really doesn't look good. Is there anything else that I should be doing to help my case and get my children back or at least being able to see or have equal custody of them?
bluemann33
New Member
act quickly. how old are your children? is she the type that could get the kids to say they saw any type of violence?
army judge
Super Moderator
slogan said:
Great.
Now, you line up some character witnesses.
Just ordinary good citizens who can tell the judge what good father you are.
They say how hard you work to support your family.
How loving you are to your kids.
How much the kids love you.
They've seen you being a good dad.
These folks could be ministers, friends, teachers, neighbors, aunts, uncles, siblings, grandparents; just good, decent folks who will say flattering and truthful things about your abilities as a dad and husband.
They come to court and take the oath and tell the judge good things about you.
CdwJava
Moderator
And then, on cross examination, the other side will get each of those witnesses to admit that they are not around the family all THAT much, are rarely at their home in normally "family" hours, and admit that violence MIGHT happen even if they do not see it.
While all those character witnesses cannot likely hurt (unless they open their mouth about the wrong stuff), they can be easily nullified.
We see this in child molest and domestic violence cases with some frequency. Very often the parades of character witnesses cancel each other out ... and, on occasion, judges will not even allow them in (on objection by counsel) as they are not witnesses to the events in question.
That being said, dad, you need to get into court and seek custody or visitation. Absent some malfeasance or proof of poor character or danger to the kids, it is very likely that either she will retain custody with you having visitation, or the two of you will share custody. The other part that will play into this will be whether or not you will be living in the same town, whether the kids will have to attend different schools to live with one over the other, and other logistical and financial matters. With luck the two of you can arrange for some mutually acceptable - even if not ideal - arrangement so that the children remain in both their parents' lives.
While all those character witnesses cannot likely hurt (unless they open their mouth about the wrong stuff), they can be easily nullified.
We see this in child molest and domestic violence cases with some frequency. Very often the parades of character witnesses cancel each other out ... and, on occasion, judges will not even allow them in (on objection by counsel) as they are not witnesses to the events in question.
That being said, dad, you need to get into court and seek custody or visitation. Absent some malfeasance or proof of poor character or danger to the kids, it is very likely that either she will retain custody with you having visitation, or the two of you will share custody. The other part that will play into this will be whether or not you will be living in the same town, whether the kids will have to attend different schools to live with one over the other, and other logistical and financial matters. With luck the two of you can arrange for some mutually acceptable - even if not ideal - arrangement so that the children remain in both their parents' lives.
My 3 children's ages are 4, 3, & the baby will be 2 in May. I might add that right before Easter Sunday, the mother of my children threw a spoon at my 4-year-old, which hit him in the eye, causing him to have a black eye. She did this without any remorse, no compassion, nothing. She threw it at him because he was playing with his food. She did not even say she was sorry.
army judge
Super Moderator
That anecdote is of little evidentiary value now.
But, it could be useful if one of the dear, little tykes could corroborate it at trial.
Make sure you advise your attorney, and the next time anything like that happens in your presence, dial "911"!!!
Now, I have just recieved an email that she is putting all my belongings outside of the apartment on the 12th of May. Can she just put my stuff out on the street like that. Is this legal? Men just don't have any rights at all, this just does not seem right. She is on facebook constantly, talking bad and telling all kinds of lies about me, who knows what she is saying about me to my children.
army judge
Super Moderator
Save every email.
Do not respond to any of them.
That is how you get set up for harassing communications.
Get copies of everything that she says about you anywhere on the internet.
Never, ever respond to those lies, either.
Now about your stuff...
No, she shouldn't do that.
But, she will.
So, arrange with the police to accompany you for a civil standby.
They won't stand by while you get everything.
So, have a responsible thied party be there when she puts things outside.
Videotape her doing it.
Make a list of everything you had there, to the best of your recollection.
Provid ethe value of the things.
You can eventually sue her in small claims for damage or loss to your property.
Or, you can speak with a lawyer.
The lawyer can ask the court to order her to give you, or allow you to get your stuff.
Don't let her get to you.
It is hard.
But, she wants you to lose it.
That way, she'll win it.
Don't give her that satisfaction.
Okay, so I went to court, she filed an order of protection and I denied the charges. So we went to trial. She was issued an order of protection against me and I get to see my children every weekend (temporarily) until we go back to court on 6/16. My question is, she told the judge that she was afraid of me, so the judge asked her if my mom could pick the kids up on the weekend and she said no. So the judge asked her who would be dropping the kids off at my mom's house and she said a friend of hers. However, she dropped the kids off herself and she picked them up on Sunday. If she has a restraining order on me can she do that? She is dropping them off where I am staying. I am suppose to stay away from her, but here she is at my door dropping them off. She could not be too scared of me! Can she do that? Is that legal?
The next time she is due to drop off the kids and pick them up, if you can, set up a video camera in a window facing that door. Don't let the kids know. Get a copy of that day's paper ahead of time, then when she pulls into the drive, film the date on the paper and DO NOT pause. Let it record as you set the camcorder in the window. Now you will evidence that she did in fact drop the kids off that you can use in court.
It would be really great if she lies about it and says her friend dropped them off. She might just move on to perjury charges.
It would be really great if she lies about it and says her friend dropped them off. She might just move on to perjury charges.
CdwJava
Moderator
Of course, the restraining order does not prevent HER from going anywhere it only prevents YOU from coming within the specified distance of her or annoying or harassing her (and whatever other conditions were listed). So a court may not be too concerned she is going herself unless she chooses to lie about it.
army judge
Super Moderator
You can request of the court to pick up and drop the children in the presence of police officers at a nearby police department or sheriff's office.
That request is rarely denied, and ensures everyone is on their best behavior.
Law enforcement officers are very good at keeping the peace.
That request is rarely denied, and ensures everyone is on their best behavior.
Law enforcement officers are very good at keeping the peace.
True, but I would think he could also use this against her argument for having the restaining order in the first place. She claims she feel threatened by him, but she's OK showing up at his house.
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CdwJava
Moderator
And if she is constantly showing up, he can go back to court and bring this argument up in the hopes of getting the order dropped. It may work, it may not. Frequently, here, I see that resulting in a modification of the order to a "peaceful contact" order which can be a minefield. All it takes to violate THAT order is for her to get pissed off, and voila! No more "peaceful contact" and he goes to jail.
The presence of a video camera is a great way to keep all the parties well-behaved.
Well, she continues to drop the kids off where I am staying and picks them up, all by herself. The court order states that the kids are to be dropped off on Friday at 5 p.m. and picked up on Sunday at 4 p.m. She has not yet dropped the kids off at the precise times as ordered by the court. Today she picked the kids up at 8:50 p.m. She did not even have the decency to let my family know what time she would be picking them up. I have video taped her a couple of times (as someone mentioned), dropping the kids off.
Why is it that she can get away with this? She is calling the shots, she has lied to the judge by saying that someone else would be dropping and picking up the children. It is written in the court order. I just don't understand this.
Now, she is filing for sole custody, making all these false accusations about the children not being bathed, or how she is upset about the care her children are getting. I have the help of my mother & grandmother, who both have been certified in child care, my grandmother was an infant & special need teacher. They are both knowledgeable and great caregivers and my children love being here with me and their grandparents. What a horrible mess this has become. I have a Guardian ad Lidem coming over this Saturday, and she already made me feel like she is on the mother's side by making all of these rude statments to me. Do men have any rights?
Why is it that she can get away with this? She is calling the shots, she has lied to the judge by saying that someone else would be dropping and picking up the children. It is written in the court order. I just don't understand this.
Now, she is filing for sole custody, making all these false accusations about the children not being bathed, or how she is upset about the care her children are getting. I have the help of my mother & grandmother, who both have been certified in child care, my grandmother was an infant & special need teacher. They are both knowledgeable and great caregivers and my children love being here with me and their grandparents. What a horrible mess this has become. I have a Guardian ad Lidem coming over this Saturday, and she already made me feel like she is on the mother's side by making all of these rude statments to me. Do men have any rights?
CdwJava
Moderator
So, have you returned to court and presented this information to the judge? If so, what does the judge say? if not, why not?
Now you have the perfect opportunity to go to court with your video evidence of her disregard for the court orders.
But, of course, if she has some kind of proof of neglect, that might outweigh your claims of her showing up at odd hours and without someone else to drop the kids off.
You only have "rights" if you act on them. If you have complaints about her violating the court order, you either call the police or bring it back before the judge. Depending on how these are handled in your state and county, you might not be able to go to the police for enforcement of a custody order, but you should be able to go back to the issuing court for adjudication.
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