When does the court favor the father?

[Edgar79]

Jurisdiction

New York

Hard to sum up my disaster of a marriage but in short:

My wife is angry and emotionally abusive to me; treats me as persona non grata. Even strangers in public have made comments to my wife on badly she treats me.

More crucially, she also has such disregard for the emotional well-being of our (only) child, that she regularly involves our child in disputes and arguments with me. This places undue stresses and pressures on our child which are starting to have an effect.

My wife has has contributed almost nothing to our marriage. She came into it in debt and barren; I gave up all I had to pay for the treatments required so we could have a child. She is also financially reckless, having almost bankrupt us twice.

She is lazy and disengaged, virtually immobile at home. If anything at all gets done in our home, it's done by me. (I also contribute decent income from my own business, in most years, more than she.) She openly considers herself having zero responsibilities or accountability in our family. Most legal tests of "non-consortium" would likely apply to her.

Yet...with any discussion of splitting, my wife is constantly emboldened by the court's bias and extorts me with such... she threatens that no matter what, the courts always favor the mother and that she would get custody of our child if I left.

However, divorce has not been an option for me. If my wife would get custody of our child, the child would likely never see a park or learn math or be taught proper manners. Unlike my wife's family, my family can (and does) provide a decidedly better and enriching environment for our child.

Sadly, in what reminds me of the movie "Gone Girl," my wife has long perpetuated a false narrative about me to our child as "the bad guy." Given the choice by a court, our child would likely choose to live with my wife based on lies and biases our child has been taught.

To note: I have never laid a hand on my wife nor child nor anyone. Never cheated on her. I am known as a good, very hardworking father and I am confident of that. I am complimented frequently by friends and neighbors on my dedication to our family.

I endure this for the sake of our child having two parents at home, and because court bias in custody battles handcuffs me.

So, what exactly does a father have to do to get custody if the wife is a non-contributing, abusive roommate-at-best?

Is losing custody in a divorce the only answer?

 

[army judge]

Custody decisions no longer favor the mother or the father.
Today courts and child services advocates look only to what is best, or what will be best for the child.

If you go to court seeking custody,speak only to why you would be the best parent and how you will ensure your child(ren) will be loved, protected, nurtured, educated, and parented to enjoy their childhood, and become good, solid, productive citizens in society.

Good luck, and remember its always about the best interests of the little ones.

 

[txls]

It is true that that the courts do not automatically favor the mother, although there may be a stronger tendency to lean more towards the mother all things being equal, but completely depending on the judge. Now having said that, and having quickly skimmed over your post, I don't see anything that would necessarily cause a judge to give you sole custody over her. My opinion is that joint custody is most likely. For whatever my opinion is worth. You will be probably be amazed at how she will clean up her lazy, disengaged attitude in front of a judge. Many of the things you mention are completely irrelevant to the question of custody. You really need to talk to an attorney to help you present your best case.

Rather than be afraid of divorce and custody concerns, you need to seriously consider how the current situation affects the child.

 

[Edgar79]

...I don't see anything that would necessarily cause a judge to give you sole custody over her.

Even if my wife is doing emotional harm to the child, and even when I can provide a better income, household, lifestyle, education and future for my child?

Does a mother need to be an addict or jailed for the court to give a father sole custody? It seems the bar is set incredibly low for mothers yet high for fathers.

 

[cbg]

You do NOT want to bring income or lifestyle into this. Really. That is a road you absolutely do not want to go down.

 

[Edgar79]

You do NOT want to bring income or lifestyle into this. Really. That is a road you absolutely do not want to go down.

Just wondering - aren't those among the factors a judge would consider when determining the best interests of a child - who can provide, and who can enrich?

Just trying to figure out what exactly the criteria is for a decent father to be able to get custody of their child from a mother that would put the child's entire development at risk.

 

[army judge]

Even if my wife is doing emotional harm to the child, and even when I can provide a better income, household, lifestyle, education and future for my child?

Does a mother need to be an addict or jailed for the court to give a father sole custody? It seems the bar is set incredibly low for mothers yet high for fathers.

As you further research the laws of custody and parenting, you'll be surprised to learn that the standard for parenting is very, very low!!!!

 

[army judge]

Information on custody and parenting:

Child Custody and Visitation Rights in New York

Custody 101- Custodial and Non Custodial Parents in New York

Frequently Asked New York Child Custody Questions | Cordell Cordell

 

[txls]

I simply gave you my opinion, no one can really predict exactly what a judge will decide. Bringing income and lifestyle into it implies that a wealthy person is better equipped to be a parent than a poor person. Blech.

 

[Edgar79]

Bringing income and lifestyle into it implies that a wealthy person is better equipped to be a parent than a poor person. Blech.

Agreed. I am not wealthy, however, so I imagine in this case it's whether a person who has put all of their energy into the well-being of the child (and the entire family) can make a better parent vs someone who doesn't.

As army judge pointed out, the standard for parenting seems low. But sadly, in my estimation, the justice system allows it to be much lower for women than men.

 

[army judge]

Agreed. I am not wealthy, however, so I imagine in this case it's whether a person who has put all of their energy into the well-being of the child (and the entire family) can make a better parent vs someone who doesn't.

As army judge pointed out, the standard for parenting seems low. But sadly, in my estimation, the justice system allows it to be much lower for women than men.

If you want to make the best effort possible for the benefit of your kids, and I'm sure you do, forget her.

Make this ONLY about your children, and as their father, be prepared to tell the court what a great father you are.

Forget her, whether she is Satan, or an angel, its about you, mate.

Get five to ten friends or family members to come to court to testify under oath what a great, loving, caring, nurturing dad you have been, and what a great role you play in the lives of your kids.

Your task to sell the court on you.

Please, avoid discussing her at all.

 

[txls]

Absent specific abuse or neglect, good parent/bad parent is mostly a matter of personal beliefs and opinions. Many things that I think are "not such good parenting" happen all the time. Way too many kids would be in the foster care system if the standard for parenting were much higher. It's kind of a sad fact, but then again do we really want much more government ability to take kids away from their parents. It's a two-edged sword.

 

[cbg]

NO. The judge will NOT be looking at income and lifestyle. ABSOLUTELY NOT. He CANNOT legally make custody decisions based on who has the better income.

Not to mention that the question might be asked, why don't you just provide more to the custodial parent.