What does legal separation actually accomplish?

[outofpatience]

Jurisdiction

New York

Hi everyone. I have been married for the past 2.5 years and it's clear to me that my wife is not the person I thought she would be. We have differences that I don't believe we can fix and we're at a breaking point. I don't think she believes we are there yet and prefers we continue to try to talk this out. I need to understand options and I know there is separation but I'm not sure what just getting our own places and separating is versus what a legal separation is. Could someone explain what this special stage accomplishes? Is it worth spending the time and money to actually do this or is it just a delaying of the inevitable?

 

[adjusterjack]

There are numerous resources in the following search that explain the differences between legal separation and divorce.

Read a few and you'll have a better understanding of how to proceed.

ny legal separation vs divorce at DuckDuckGo

DuckDuckGo. Privacy, Simplified.

duckduckgo.com

 

[Zigner]

Hi everyone. I have been married for the past 2.5 years and it's clear to me that my wife is not the person I thought she would be.

Not legal advice, but I need to point out that you should never marry someone based on the person they will become, rather, you marry them based on who they are.

 

[Tax Counsel]

Legal separation is usually done as a step in the divorce process, though it doesn't have to be. The benefit of it is that there would be a court order specifying certain aspects of separation, like who gets which of the joint assets, ordering the spouses not to dispose of assets, etc. The problem with a separation, whether legal or informal, is that it usually doesn't resolve the issues between the parties and all during the separation they are paying for separate household expenses.

 

[army judge]

Hi everyone. I have been married for the past 2.5 years and it's clear to me that my wife is not the person I thought she would be.

I wonder if she feels about you, as you feel about her?

If you want to knock someone's socks off, your actions must exceed expectations rather than just meet them. So, dazzle folks by your effort, pamper them with your care, and wow them with your commitment.
Always give 110%. It's the extra 10% that everyone remembers.
You won't receive kudos for merely doing your job or buying someone flowers on Valentine's Day. So, be a little creative and do something out of the ordinary. Surprise people by giving them your undivided attention, bowl them over with your sincerity, and overwhelm them with your kindness and generosity. Here are 45 clever ways to exceed someone's expectations:

1. Charge less than the estimate.
2. Give your spouse flowers for no reason at all.
3. Pick up the tab for a stranger.
4. Promise it in five days and deliver it in three.
5. Write a glowing review — without being asked.
6. Give someone an opportunity they'd never secure on their own.
7. Pay your intern — even though they agreed to work for nothing.
8. Compliment a stranger.
9. Share your knowledge with someone who could benefit.
10. Make a gift rather than buying one from the store.
11. Give stuff away — for free — instead of selling it.
12. Volunteer to do work that no one else wants to do.
13. Be kind to someone who's in no position to help you.
14. Pitch in even though it's not your job.
15. Reach out to someone you haven't spoken to in years.
16. Send a handwritten thank-you note instead of a text.
17. Give credit where credit is due.
18. Request more work — as soon as you complete your task.
19. Pick up trash even when it is not yours.
20. Give a tip to someone who normally doesn't receive one.
21. Buy one for yourself…and then gift one to a friend.
22. Pay more than the bill requires.
23. Add customer value — without charging for it.
24. Recount details of a conversation that you had with someone years ago.
25. Use your social network to help a colleague.
26. Put a basket of treats outside your front door to thank your delivery folks.
27. Tell someone to pay it forward instead of being paid back.
28. Prove that you trust someone by giving them added responsibility.
29. Be up-front with your customer to protect them from being blindsided.
30. Send a note to someone who could use some cheering up.
31. Talk to a shy person at a social event.
32. Stick up for someone who's being mistreated.
33. Give a young couple a date night by volunteering to baby-sit — for free.
34. Send a note of appreciation to someone special in your life.
35. Ask, "How can I help you?" (And then follow through.)
36. Compliment someone in public rather than in private.
37. Help an elderly neighbor with a household chore.
38. Wear a gift that someone gave you — in their presence.
39. Send a copy of a photo to the person who's in it.
40. Forgive someone — even though it's hard.
41. Admit when you're wrong.
42. Celebrate other people's wins.
43. Keep your word — even though things have changed since you made the promise.
44. Offer before being asked.
45. Share this list with others who can benefit from it.

If you think these actions are easy to do, you're probably right. The problem is that most people get so caught up in their day-to-day routine that they either forget to do them or rationalize that they're too busy.

How to Exceed Expectations

Going above and beyond isn't about performing a specific act as much as it's a mindset. It's about putting others first. It's about being proactive rather than waiting for others to tell you what to do. And it's about putting your heart into everything rather than going through the motions.
When you exceed expectations day in and day out, it's not only fantastic for others, it says a lot about you.
You see, exceeding expectations is about striving for excellence in everything you do. It's about striving for long-term relationships rather than short-term wins. It's about doing what's right rather than what's convenient. Most of all, it's about trying to do better and be better, every day. In other words, it's not only what you do; it's who you are. As Ralph Marston, the professional football player, said, "Don't lower your expectations to meet your performance. Raise your level of performance to meet your expectations. Expect the best of yourself, and then do what is necessary to make it a reality."

45 Clever Ways to Exceed Expectations

If you want to knock someone’s socks off, your actions must exceed expectations not just meet them. Here are 45 ways to exceed expectations.

www.franksonnenbergonline.com

 

[zddoodah]

I know there is separation but I'm not sure what just getting our own places and separating is versus what a legal separation is. Could someone explain what this special stage accomplishes? Is it worth spending the time and money to actually do this or is it just a delaying of the inevitable?

This is a little more complicated in New York than it is in some other states. In New York, you have to have grounds for divorce. Nowadays, most states have "no fault" divorces, which basically means you can get a divorce just for asking. For the longest time, New York didn't have that, but it now allows divorce based on "irretrievable breakdown" of at least six months. You can also get a divorce based on abandonment, adultery, etc., but two other grounds are relevant. First, you can live separate from each other pursuant to a judgment of separation. After a year, you can get divorced. This option is not often used. Second, if the two of you agree, you can live separate pursuant to a "legal separation agreement." Again, after a year, you can get divorced. The key is that the legal separation agreement option requires both parties to agree.

With that in mind, a "legal separation" is an alternative to divorce. It preserves the marital status (i.e., you're still legally married), but the court will do everything else that goes along with divorce: divide assets, award alimony, and deal with child custody, visitation and support. It is an option sometimes used by folks who have a religious objection to divorce and by people who are trying to preserve medical insurance for a spouse with a terminal or chronic illness (e.g., W has medical insurance through her job; H has cancer or some other illness that would prevent him from obtaining affordable medical insurance from any other source but would lose W's coverage in the event of a divorce).

Please consult with a local divorce attorney.