What control does my girlfriends ex husband, have over my relationship with their two daughters (15

[Worried Dad]

Been dating someone for about a year now, she has two daughters (14 and 15) and I have sole custody of my almost 11 year old daughter.We didn't introduce the kids into the relationship until about 4 months ago.We wanted to make sure when we brought the kids into the mix, we did it the right way and made them the focus, to make sure both my daughter and her daughters were comfortable.We all get along very well (3 kids me and my gf). I also coach two different sports of 10-12 year old girls. After a few quiet months, her ex husband has started voicing his opinion about me being around her children. Stating that I text them and make them feel uncomfortable (both have come to me personally and told me that is not true), I text them things like "congrats on making the team" or "have a great day".The ex is using the word predator and saying he will take action against for being around and texting his girls.He has a girlfriend who lives with him and is around the girls and texts them.

Basically, I completely understand being worried another man is in your kids lives. I would feel the same, if my daughters mom tried to bring a guy into her life. I have gone through the process of meeting my girlfriends ex, talking to him, and he acts fine to me and my face. He then sends her nasty texts, then is fine to my face, sends her nasty texts rinse and repeat.

I am more worried about him making false accusations than anything, with me having sole custody of my own daughter and coaching girls in two different spots, I don't want one of the best relationships I have ever been in to suffer because of her ex. I care about her girls and her and they are happy with me in their lives but he seems threatened by it, and again I understand from his situation. More so I am just asking what control he has, and if his threats to her about me not allowing to be around them can be enforced, or not allowed to text them can be enforced? When he has a live in girlfriend who is around them constantly and texts them, and my girlfriend doesn't try and block that or say anything, she knows he is going to date and have people in her girls lives.

 

[army judge]

You asked in your title the following:

"What control does my girlfriends ex husband, have over my relationship with their two daughters?"

I suspect the issue isn't about control.

As a parent myself, I suppose any parent (male or female) is more concerned about the health, well being, safety, and security of their child(ren) than controlling their child(ren).

The best way for you to avoid issues and/or scrutiny, is to comport yourself in a professional, rather than a paternal manner.

Think about a teacher, a police officer, health care worker, as any of them perform their duties in the presence of minors.

There's no need for anyone to describe in excruciating detail how another adult should behave around children. I suggest you think about it, then carry and comport yourself appropriately.

 

[Worried Dad]

You asked in your title the following:

"What control does my girlfriends ex husband, have over my relationship with their two daughters?"

I suspect the issue isn't about control.

As a parent myself, I suppose any parent (male or female) is more concerned about the health, well being, safety, and security of their child(ren) than controlling their child(ren).

The best way for you to avoid issues and/or scrutiny, is to comport yourself in a professional, rather than a paternal manner.

Think about a teacher, a police officer, health care worker, as any of them perform their duties in the presence of minors.

There's no need for anyone to describe in excruciating detail how another adult should behave around children. I suggest you think about it, then carry and comport yourself appropriately.

I appreciate your response, if believe these girls are going to eventually be my Step Daughters, which I wouldn't even be posting this questions if I didn't believe that to be true, then in my head I owe it to them and my own daughter who is involved in the situation, that they are treated as someone I care about.

A police officer or teacher cares about minors they come in contact with, however they are not going to eventually be married to that childs mom, and live with that child.

If they are to become step daughters, they deserve a step parent who treats them as if they were his own. Just as my daughter would deserve that, even if it makes me uncomfortable as her dad, if her mom were to ever get married.

 

[zddoodah]

What control does my girlfriends ex husband, have over my relationship with their two daughters

The short answer to this question is none, unless (1) there is a relevant provision in their divorce decree/custody order or (2) the court issues an order that says otherwise.

Maybe this isn't feasible, but have you thought of offering to buy the guy lunch or dinner and talking about this like civilized people?

Also, obviously, there are practicalities beyond what the law covers, but that's not the point of these boards.

 

[Worried Dad]

The short answer to this question is none, unless (1) there is a relevant provision in their divorce decree/custody order or (2) the court issues an order that says otherwise.

Maybe this isn't feasible, but have you thought of offering to buy the guy lunch or dinner and talking about this like civilized people?

Also, obviously, there are practicalities beyond what the law covers, but that's not the point of these boards.

I appreciate your response.

I have sat down with him, shook his hand, talked with him. He told my girlfriend how lucky she was, and how I seemed like a great guy. That is all in person.

Through texts he is verbally abusive to her and never stops, to the point she is considering a peace order or protective order.

However he hasn't ever mentioned me until recently, saying he will go to the boards of the teams I coach for and tell them I am a predator and he doesn't allow me around his daughters I shouldn't be allowed around girls I coach. Things of that nature.

All words, that have no proof or substance behind them, but we all know how words work.

Again I have a daughter, I completely get the uneasy feeling of her being around someone my ex would be dating and not knowing the guy. His daughters like me, we joke around, I am a break from them hearing their parents fight and they can just be teenagers and laugh and joke. My girlfriend has talked to this girls and shown them the texts their dad is saying about me, and they say mom I am sorry he is saying that but it just isn't true.

I just want to protect myself from any false claims and know what his true legal rights during my girlfriends court ordered time (50/50) with her daughters are in terms of if I can be there or not.

 

[zddoodah]

saying he will go to the boards of the teams I coach for and tell them I am a predator and he doesn't allow me around his daughters I shouldn't be allowed around girls I coach.

If you think he would follow through with this, you might want to get out in front of this by talking with the boards of the league(s) where you coach.

I just want to protect myself from any false claims and know what his true legal rights during my girlfriends court ordered time (50/50) with her daughters are in terms of if I can be there or not.

Again, unless there's something in their divorce decree or the court enters an order, when your GF's kids are in her custody, her ex has no control over anything (just as she has no control when the kids are with their dad).

 

[Worried Dad]

If you think he would follow through with this, you might want to get out in front of this by talking with the boards of the league(s) where you coach.

Thank You, this is a smart idea I appreciate the advice

Again, unless there's something in their divorce decree or the court enters an order, when your GF's kids are in her custody, her ex has no control over anything (just as she has no control when the kids are with their dad).

Thank You

 

[adjusterjack]

My girlfriend has talked to this girls and shown them the texts their dad is saying about me, and they say mom I am sorry he is saying that but it just isn't true.

Save those texts in a permanent file (somehow). You may end up with grounds for a defamation lawsuit if he is stupid enough to make public accusations.

 

[Worried Dad]

Save those texts in a permanent file (somehow). You may end up with grounds for a defamation lawsuit if he is stupid enough to make public accusations.

Thanks, I was wondering what the grounds for that would be, as I would most certainly look into that

 

[Zigner]

Thanks, I was wondering what the grounds for that would be, as I would most certainly look into that

The following is not an endorsement in any way. I'm just providing it to help you better understand defamation.

Defamation Law in Maryland | The Maryland People's Law Library

 

[Worried Dad]

The following is not an endorsement in any way. I'm just providing it to help you better understand defamation.

Defamation Law in Maryland | The Maryland People's Law Library

Thank You

 

[stealthy1]

My girlfriend has talked to this girls and shown them the texts their dad is saying about me,

This sets my teeth on edge. Your g/f really shouldn't be involving her girls to the extent of sharing their Dad's texts with them. Asking them, in casual conversation, how they feel about your level of involvement is one thing, sharing Dad's texts? Not cool and only puts them in the middle.