NCP Mother who is being asked by PC to do supervised visitation based on an incident that CPS has already investigated and closed. Why? North Carolina

[NCPMom]

Jurisdiction

North Carolina

NCP Mother who is being asked by PC to do supervised visitation based on an incident that CPS has already investigated and deemed a non issue no services recommended and case is closed. Should so have to do it?

I am currently fighting with my lawyer on this issue because she feels having a neutral 3rd party involved will provide me with a witness testimony, stating that I am a good parent, however. I am not sure how this works to my court case to me it looks awfully bad to be asked to do supervise visitation when I have already been told by CPS that I'm not a threat. Why would I agree to this. She was the one that convinced me to get the parenting coordinator because she's a parenting coordinator herself, but this is been extremely traumatic for me and for my child they are asking me too sit with my child in a 4 x 4, enclosed space office and 4 hours a 4 days out of the week honestly, the whole thing feels like jail. The CP is now saying one of my days will need to go because they can't transport child to center 35 plus minutes from where we both reside (separate residences). Facilitator feels uncomfortable doing home visits due to the high conflict of relationship between parties. In lieu of this while the incident occurred on the 15th of January was falsely reported, and I have a closer letter for proof. I have missed over 10 days of visitation and three weeks without seeing my child over this my attorney kept advising me over and over to agree with the supervised visits from the parenting coordinator but I just don't understand WHY??

since the case is already been investigated, why not petition to file a motion I have a closure letter from CPS based on the incident that sparked the supervised visitation to begin with. And the parent and coordinator knew that the CPS case was going to get closed. I'm thoroughly confused as to why I am not being advised to do this? Attorney feels it's not the right thing to do to file a motion.

Also, I'm highly concerned as to how this looks for my case. My overall goal is to eventually get full custody back of my child as I had full custody of my child from birth to 2022 I'm a single parent in a third-party custody situation. Maternal grandparent has the child who is eight. I was a valuated for parental and fitness due to mental health issues that I am actively treating with therapy and medication. I do not see why not. I could not petition the court to get custody back of my child. I do understand that the other party has written time does slanderous affidavits against me and literally every person in my family has written an affidavit. Most of them are completely untrue, and totally made up for the benefit of the other party. I also have pass history with CPS, but all of the cases have been closed and anything that did have findings they were not criminal, and I followed all the recommendations of the social worker pursuing the case and the cases were all closed and I have closure letters to prove it. I live 10 minutes from my child school. I have two full-time jobs. I don't understand why I cannot petition the court for custody back. However, my lawyer, keep saying it's a bad idea. Back in 2022 I consented to sign my custodial rights away to my sons, maternal grandparent, because at the time I was told by my attorney that that would be the only way that they would lift the protection order. There was a DVPO order on me because of an altercation that I had with my mother that has since been dropped because she dropped the charges. It was the one incident that I did not face time for. I am not condoning that behavior but it has been dropped. I'm just trying to get legal advice here. They use the one incident that I really feel. It was a set up for emergency custody and DVPO. I went five months without seeing my son and then I was told that I would not be able to see him unless I consented to signing my rights away. So here I am it's now 2024 and my mother called CPS on me for a completely unfounded reason. I have actual video footage to back up that she completely lied both of my attorneys know CPS completely throughout the case and I asked to do supervised visitation from my parenting coordinator and my attorney wants me not to file the motion. Why?

 

[army judge]

Why would I agree to this.

Because it isn't practical, nor is it wise have CPS sniffing, snooping, investigating you forever and ever.

It will be helpful in the future, as your attorney advised, to have positive statements made about your parenting skills by people who have a wealth of knowledge about parenting issues and are deemed as experts in such matters by the judiciary.

However, my lawyer, keep saying it's a bad idea. Back in 2022 I consented to sign my custodial rights away to my sons, maternal grandparent, because at the time I was told by my attorney that that would be the only way that they would lift the protection order. There was a DVPO order on me because of an altercation that I had with my mother that has since been dropped because she dropped the charges. It was the one incident that I did not face time for. I am not condoning that behavior but it has been dropped. I'm just trying to get legal advice here.

We don't offer legal advice on this site.
We do discuss legal issues.
Legal advice can ONLY be obtained from an attorney licensed to practice law in your state.

It seems to me, the legal advice you've received is appropriate.
If you require further guidance, I suggest you schedule an appointment to visit your attorney to seek additional guidance and legal consultation.

 

[welkin]

If you require further guidance, I suggest you schedule an appointment to visit your attorney to seek additional guidance and legal consultation.

Or, you are free to seek legal advise from a different attorney. If two or three attorneys give the same advice, then you can bet the advice is in your best interest.

 

[cbg]

You will never get better advice from a message board as the advice you got from a poster named "commentator" on the other board where you posted this question. Please, listen to commentator.

 

[justblue]

You will never get better advice from a message board as the advice you got from a poster named "commentator" on the other board where you posted this question. Please, listen to commentator.

I agree 100%! Here is a link to that thread.

NCP Mother who is being asked by PC to do supervised visitation based on an incident that CPS has investigated and closed. Why?

NORTH CAROLINA NCP Mother who is being asked by PC to do supervised visitation based on an incident that CPS has already investigated and deemed a non issue no services recommended and case is closed. Should so have to do it? I am currently fighting with my lawyer on this issue because she...

forum.freeadvice.com

 

[army judge]

Points of Interest in This Article[/H2]
Do you get frustrated when you try to help your friends solve their problems, and they don't accept the advice? It may be impossible to help them when they refuse to listen to reason.

By observing this behavior with my friends, I have narrowed it down to the most significant reasons why they don't take advice.

We'll explore the following points of interest:

• Accepting Advice Involves Two Attitudes
• How to Handle It When People Don't Listen
• Exploring Five Reasons:
• They Distort Reality With a Narcissistic Behavior
• They Can't Act Rationally When They Are in Denial
• They Have a Fear of Success
• They Don't Have a Time Perspective
• They Want Approval for Doing Things Wrong

Accepting Advice Involves Two Attitudes

Many people come to me for advice, but when I try to offer positive guidance, I discover two attitudes people have:

1. Some accept the advice but do nothing with it. They never follow up, and I have noticed these people rarely accomplish anything. They usually end up making their lives miserable instead.
2. Then, some consider the advice, think it through, and do something with it. Many people with this attitude even go beyond my suggestion. I see these people improving their lives.

How to Handle It When People Don't Listen

I get frustrated when a friend lets things go downhill, especially when I offer a solution. I explain how to avoid the problems developing in their lives, but they let it happen anyway. They ignore the advice, and my predictions of doom come true.

There is nothing that we can do for these people. Sadly, I often need to back off and watch them sink deeper into trouble. I think that's what they really want. I'll explain what I mean with a couple of examples.

Some people set themselves up for failure. I have noticed that these types of people will never listen to a friend giving advice. They are somehow programmed to continue their path towards failure.

The way I see it, they don't think it through. They just let their lives deteriorate. They don't do anything to improve their lives or to solve their own problems.

1. They Distort Reality With a Narcissistic Behavior

I think people who don't take advice see their reality differently than we do.

We look at their lives with the clarity that comes from being uninvolved. But they observe things as they wish they would be and neglect what's important.

They are totally involved in their own affairs, so they tend to distort reality to suit their individual needs with their personal boundaries.

We can show them the direction, but they need to start by taking responsibility for their actions. Some will never recognize that they create their own failures. I consider this a narcissistic trait.

An Example of Narcissistic Behavior

I have a friend with diabetes, and he likes to walk around barefoot.
I told him that with diabetes, he could get gangrene if he steps on something and gets an infection. I explained that he could lose a foot.

His ex-wife gave him slippers, but he was so upset we told him what to do that he threw them out.

One day, he threw something at a wall out of anger, shattering it into pieces. He later stepped on the debris and got an infection. He ended up having his foot amputated.

2. They Can't Act Rationally When They Are in Denial

Denial interferes with the ability to act rationally. If someone takes responsibility for their own failures, they can adjust their behavior and plan a new strategy. They have no problem accepting any new ideas presented to them.

However, if they are in denial, they will not see the value of the advice. They are stuck with their inability to solve problems. They will disagree when we try to help them and come up with all sorts of reasons why they should not listen to sound advice.

I noticed that people remain in denial and don't listen because they lack the skills to think it through—to plan a solution. In addition, when a solution is presented to them, they don't see it.

Even when telling them how to solve their problem, they will disagree with the reasons for taking action. They are frightened of change and unwilling to try something different.

Sad to say, I see this attitude with friends who are going nowhere with their lives. Their present way of doing things isn't working, but they come up with excuses and argue that it's because of other reasons beyond their control. This is denial.

An Example of Denial

I had a female friend who told me her boyfriend proposed to her. Based on a previous discussion I had with him, I knew he would want to live off her money.

So I warned her against marrying him. I even reminded her that she overheard how he talked about it. Nevertheless, she was in denial and refused to believe the truth.

A month after the wedding, she called me, crying despairingly, and said they had a fight. I asked what happened. She told me that he wanted her to pay all the bills. His reasoning was that they were living in her apartment, so she should pay all the bills. Imagine that?

Another Example of Denial

A friend with an accounting business asked for advice. She told me she couldn't pay her rent because she was losing clients.

I told her that her office was making a poor impression. I recommended that she clean up her office. I explained that an uncluttered office would imply an orderly tax report.

She argued that she had no clients because everyone was using TurboTax.

She didn't clean up, had no clients, couldn't pay the rent, her landlord evicted her, and she lost her business.

3. They Have a Fear of Success

I can think of things I've avoided for fear of success. However, as far as I can tell, it's really fear of the unknown.

Whenever I had avoided something early in life, it was because I didn't know the outcome. Somewhere along the way, I started to notice that things always turned out okay. That gave me the courage to get involved with new and unknown things.

The main problem I see with people who fear success is that they hope it will all work out anyway—all by itself—one way or the other.

Hoping for a better tomorrow without doing anything to correct today's problems will never bring change. I try to tell friends this, but they still continue with hope and despair.

4. They Don't Have a Time Perspective

These are the same people who are always late. Have you ever noticed that people who arrive late and keep others waiting are those who fail to achieve anything meaningful in their own lives?

To accomplish tasks, we need to have a clear vision of how long it will take. Then, we need to plan each step to fit the allotted time available.

If we ignore the problem and just let time pass, or if we don't figure out how long it will take to get from A to B, then we are doomed for failure.

I see this problem with some friends who say they understand what I'm telling them to do. They agree that it sounds like a solution to their dilemma. The only problem is, the next time I talk with them, they still haven't started. I think that means they don't care enough about their success.

People will make time for the things they value. I know I do.

5. They Want Approval for Doing Things Wrong

I think this is the worst of all.

An acquaintance I've known through my social circles once called and asked for help. She said she is being arrested.

I asked for details so that I could know how to help her. She explained that her boyfriend had broken up with her, and she called him several times a day, leaving messages asking for an explanation.

He had put out a restraining order, and she continued, so he put out a warrant for her arrest.

I responded with a straightforward question. I said, "I need to understand something. Do you want me to help you?"

I needed to be sure that she indeed wanted help. She said she did.

Therefore, I proceeded to tell her what to do. I said, "Just stop. Stop calling him. Stop thinking about him. Stop and move on."

She was extremely disappointed with me. She said she was hoping I would defend her and support her feelings. Instead, she felt that I was attacking her.

So I told her . . .

"I'm so sorry. I misunderstood. I thought you wanted help. I understand now that all you want is support for failure. Only friends can help you, but what you need is an enemy. Someone who does not care for you will be glad to support your failure."

In Closing

Some people improve their lives with advice, while others reject it because it doesn't meet their need for approval.

I sympathize with all my friends who don't listen and suffer because of it. I offer love and compassion when it suits their needs, but I believe in tough love when they are going downhill and need to be woken up.

My only intention is to guide a friend to a better place. But, unfortunately, they often take it as an attack if I don't give them approval for the ways they fail. How strange is that?

There are times when we must back off and realize that they don't want help. They just expect to have approval for their failure.

Questions & Answers

Question: My friend gives me advice, but she gets furious when I give her any, what should I do about my friend's reaction to me?

Answer: It's not always a two-way street. You are open to suggestions because you want to grow and improve your endeavors. However, your friend may not be in the same mindset. She is not ready for growth. She may be in denial, and it's not easy to get past that without making her resent you.

It would help if you made her feel you were supportive. Ask your friend if she is open to hearing advice. In many cases, you need to leave people alone. It's best to avoid any attempt to help them if they aren't ready for it.

I wrote another article that will provide more insight to answer your question. "What Is the Best Way to Give Advice to a Friend?" ( https://pairedlife.com/friendship/giving-advice-to... )

In that article, I discuss how to be supportive and know when to leave people alone and not try to help them if they are not open to hearing advice.

Question: I tried to give my daughter well-known suggestions for coping with anxiety that I've used myself. But her reply was, "I can't be bothered." It's so frustrating to talk to her. I feel I'm not helping or supporting her, and she tells me that sometimes. I'd love to find some middle ground. Do you think there's any way to do that when they cut you off if you're not saying what they want to hear?

Answer: It isn't easy to get through when all they want is for you to side with them rather than guide them. Your daughter is still in the "denial" stage.

Unfortunately, you will alienate her if you push while she is in that stage. Intelligent people eventually learn from their mistakes, and then they will seek constructive advice. Your daughter will get there. When she does, she will come to you for guidance.

In the meantime, it's best if you ask her what she wants from you. When people ask me for help, I first reply by asking if they want guidance or if they just want an ear to listen to their woes. Sometimes that question wakes them up. But even if it doesn't, they might respond with more appropriate behavior.

https://pairedlife.com/etiquette/why-friends-dont-listen