My husband and I have been married for 9 years and we have 3 children together (ages boy/8, girl/5 and boy/3, almost 4), he also has an 11 yo son from a previous relationship that he has joint physical/joint legal custody of. Right now he works out of town M-TH and is home Fr,Sat,Sun and some weeks he has to work Friday so he is only home Sat, Sun but regardless is home on the weekends. This is by far the best job he's had in a long time as it pays well, he has benefits, etc... The reason he has to travel for it is that we live in such a small town and all that is available here is close to minimum wage factory jobs which typically lay off several times a year (well all that's available for someone w/o a college degree which he does not have.) When he worked here we simply could not meet our bills and had our van repossessed.
So anyway, the first thing he said when I told him that I wanted a divorce was not to count on CS as he was going to quit his current job and move back here to be "closer" to the kids and see them more. If he only sees them EOW then how does it matter if he is living here or only here on weekends (and he has family who would let him stay with them and keep the kids there.) Two years ago I talked to a lawyer who told me that he had "proven that he could earn a certain level of income" and that the judge would base the CS on that and tell him to get a better job. I'm not sure how that would actually work though as I know standard procedure here in TN is to suspend the DL, garnish the paycheck (which usually ends in firing for "some other reason" as the employer doesn't want to deal with it) or putting them in jail until it's paid (and HOW do you pay from jail if you aren't earning anything?!) It just looks to me as if he is trying to stick it to me by hurting the kids and it is something he is going to get away with. Also the only thing available to him here is low level factory jobs (he has a felony and a GED but no college) and he has a "temper" problem and is always getting fired from those.
The other thing that is bothering me is that last night he said "Why don't you just draw up the papers and have their names changed, I'll sign over my rights and I don't want to see any of you again." First of all - Could he DO this? Can you just say "I don't want these kids anymore" and walk away from the responsibility? Then does the state step in with SSI or do I have to take on a 3rd job to make up for his withdrawl from their lives, I'm looking now at getting a second one if he takes a lower paying job. Would I HAVE to change their names? They have done nothing to him, a divorce is one upset how do I explain that they have to change their names as well? This seems like mental abuse towards them to me. He is asking them to change who they are because HE doesn't want to "fool" with the family any more.
I am at my wits end. Mainly it boils down to he wants to cripple me financially for leaving him and the only way to do so is by trying to reduce his child support. So he is willing to sacrifice his children for revenge He is also trying to threaten me with taking them away as I have been treated for depression/anxiety (big suprise - I've had to put up with him!) and he says someone at the child support office told him to get the names of my meds and the dr's who prescribed them? Would they get involved in custody? That sounds odd to me. I am lost, I don't know where to begin or how to protect my babies from the fallout this is causing. Help please! I do intend to call the lawyer I previously spoke to and set up a consultation with him this week ASAP.
So anyway, the first thing he said when I told him that I wanted a divorce was not to count on CS as he was going to quit his current job and move back here to be "closer" to the kids and see them more. If he only sees them EOW then how does it matter if he is living here or only here on weekends (and he has family who would let him stay with them and keep the kids there.) Two years ago I talked to a lawyer who told me that he had "proven that he could earn a certain level of income" and that the judge would base the CS on that and tell him to get a better job. I'm not sure how that would actually work though as I know standard procedure here in TN is to suspend the DL, garnish the paycheck (which usually ends in firing for "some other reason" as the employer doesn't want to deal with it) or putting them in jail until it's paid (and HOW do you pay from jail if you aren't earning anything?!) It just looks to me as if he is trying to stick it to me by hurting the kids and it is something he is going to get away with. Also the only thing available to him here is low level factory jobs (he has a felony and a GED but no college) and he has a "temper" problem and is always getting fired from those.
The other thing that is bothering me is that last night he said "Why don't you just draw up the papers and have their names changed, I'll sign over my rights and I don't want to see any of you again." First of all - Could he DO this? Can you just say "I don't want these kids anymore" and walk away from the responsibility? Then does the state step in with SSI or do I have to take on a 3rd job to make up for his withdrawl from their lives, I'm looking now at getting a second one if he takes a lower paying job. Would I HAVE to change their names? They have done nothing to him, a divorce is one upset how do I explain that they have to change their names as well? This seems like mental abuse towards them to me. He is asking them to change who they are because HE doesn't want to "fool" with the family any more.
I am at my wits end. Mainly it boils down to he wants to cripple me financially for leaving him and the only way to do so is by trying to reduce his child support. So he is willing to sacrifice his children for revenge
He is also trying to threaten me with taking them away as I have been treated for depression/anxiety (big suprise - I've had to put up with him!) and he says someone at the child support office told him to get the names of my meds and the dr's who prescribed them? Would they get involved in custody? That sounds odd to me. I am lost, I don't know where to begin or how to protect my babies from the fallout this is causing. Help please! I do intend to call the lawyer I previously spoke to and set up a consultation with him this week ASAP.