Minors home alone in nc -mom out of country

[stresseddad]

Ok, long story short - X-wife left today and will be out of the country for the next 14 days - we have joint custody and she has physical custody of our 13 and 8 yr old girls.Initially she planned to give me a full list of who would be keeping the children and when,however what she left me with was 2 #'s 1 of which appears disconnected,the other no one answers.I have no idea if anyone is caring for my children,or if they are going to be cared for intermittently,if someone will be spending the nights with them etc etc etc.

Initially I was told someone would be there in the evenings around 7pm or so to look after them,they get home from school via bus around 3pm,I didnt like this plan and said as much to my x but didnt push things on it trying to keep a level head about myself,hoping she would provide me with the proper info before she left, but alas that hasnt happened.

So now what? Do I go and get my children and bring them here? I live an hour away and would not be able to get them to school and back,I would have no choice but to register them here.

My wife and I are prepared to seek full custody of the children,and in fact planned to do so,but on our own time table.Now I feel like I have to take action to ensure my children are properly cared for.

As my post was titled we live in NC, and on the net I have found nothing to support me legally,from everything I've found its perfectly fine in nc for a 13yr old to care for an 8yr old.

Any advice???

Another note,I have calls in to two attorneys in the area,one is away for the next 3 days, the other I wont here from any sooner than tommorow or weds...I am at my wits end here...

Thanks, Stresseddad

 

[seniorjudge]

Your kids are abandoned and you are posting on an internet forum?:no:

 

[stresseddad]

seniorjudge - didnt see your comment before I took action, but i hope you approve.

Called the kids repeatedly until about 6:15 or so and still no one was there to take care of them - we figure its 30min-1hr drive and decide that by the time we get there,someone shouldl be there and we meet them and try and understand the schedule over the next two weeks.
Well no such luck, no one was there yet, a girl had called and said she should be there some time after 8:00pm. Well at that point I decided this wasnt going to be acceptable for the next 2 weeks and told them to get their school things and shoe\coats on we were going to my house.This is fine by the kids and they grab whats needed and we left,going to the nearest rest. to eat.On the way there I tried calling the girl that was supposed to come sit and left heer a message that I had picked up and will contact her tommorow as to whether she would be needed the rest of the week.
At 8:35 pm she called me saying she had just gotten out of class and gotten my message,I explained the situation to her about me not having ANY contact information for her or anyone else and that them being there alone until after 7pm wasnt acceptable to me and I will take care of them tonight,and get them to school tommorow.
At that point I asked her if she had panned on being there all night the entire week, and she informed me that no just mon\tues and that another guy(no one knows who he is girls are clueless,they were told this girl was staying all week)would be by weds eve and thurs eve to check on them but she didnt have any information for him.

So now, I have them here, I plan to get them to their schools tommorow on time, and then I dont know what Im going to do next.

Do I need an exparte order to keep them? What do I have to prove to show abandonment?
Do I start with a lawyer or do I goto DSS - we are in seperate counties,can i force her to have the case tried in my county instead of hers, since this is where I assume I should contact DSS???

ALOT of questions.....also, I video'd the entire sceen from arrival to back in the car on the way home to show the time and that they were there alone.


Any answers out there???

Stresseddad

 

[seniorjudge]

If it were me, I would've filed a motion requesting custody yesterday.

 

[Duranie]

If mom left the kids alone then you should be asking for emergency custody.

 

[stresseddad]

Exparte order issued!!! - still NO contact at all from the mother.The children are happier than I have seen them in over 5 years, they love the new schools and the ability to relax,without having to be home alone everyday from 3pm to 5:30-6:00pm(normal sched for them as mom worked an hour away from home).
Not to mention the worry they had about being home with from what we can tell was going to be intermittent(at best) supervision for an unspecified amount of time(we have 3 different reports of the amount of time she would be gone) and 4 different accounts from babysitters that were all conflicting - one even stated to me on the phone that she would do "whatever was necessary to keep the mother out of trouble" these are not the type of people I want caring for my children.

A few things to note - we had based our custody agreement on our seperation papers, which we have now found out were NOT referenced in any way in the divorce agreement - so my case is an initial custody filing taking place now in my county of residence.

I am seeking family counseling and individual counseling for the children as this although a blessing, is also a huge change to what we were all used to, and without question we will need assistance getting through all of this with our sanity intact.

When picking up my youngest child from school last week I was informed by the principle that the mother had sent the school a letter informing them that she would be out of the country and that the children would be met at the bus stop in the afternoons and cared for at home.This did not happen monday, and it wasnt apparent tues or weds(we went to see) that anyone was there to meet them then.

Also, I found out from her teacher that she was failing miserably and will likely have to repeat her grade, her teacher was somewhat emotional about losing her from her class,but indicated clearly to me that she was pleased that they would be in the care of someone that would be able to help her with her learning\homework as she felt it was apparent that she had not been getting any assistance away from school with anything.

She also informed me that she had been diagnosed as LD and that she had an IEP. There had been meetings planned for the mother to attend last week and this week to see what could be done to help her pass her grade, if anything, however being out of the country was apparently the more important thing for her.

This to me has been\still is a nightmare.Our greatest worry is that we will eventually lose, and the children would be devastated by that.This is by far the most difficult thing I have ever had to do in my life, and can only wonder what my X was thinking when she left knowing she didnt have things in order as she should have.

I have retained the best attorney possible, I am amazed at the cost however any cost is worth protecting my children and preventing any future issues of this nature, as there had been numerous times in the past when they were left home alone for the past 5 years but according to the DSS thats not illegal if the children are "mature" enough.

No one has yet been able to tell me what that meant exactly,nor how long it would be ok for them to stay home alone and still be legal.I recieved a letter from DSS about my initial complaint to them and they are not going to pursue the case as according to them she broke no law....which is mindboggling to me.

I am comforted by the fact that the judge dissagreed with DSS - but I live in a MUCH more conservative county than where the mother lived, references were also made that she may face criminal prosecution as well.

The most shocking revelation in all of this is the reaction of the teenager - she has ALWAYS been mommys biggest supporter and up until a few months ago would adamantly state that she did NOT want to come live with me.Sometime after christmas on sunday nights when she would return to her mothers she would state that she didnt want to go, which I thought an odd turn of the tables but now she clearly and happily states that the LAST thing she wants to do is "return to that place".

I cannot even concieve what would cause this turnaround, the implications this brings to my mind terrify me and this is another important part of why I am seeking counseling for all of us. I would never have seen this coming, as I stated before shes always been moms best cheerleader until recently.

So beyond counseling, and wait and see on the trial, what else can I do to help my children and my family as a whole adjust to all of this?

Are there people that deal with this exclusivly? or should counseling suffice? I dont want to "just suffice" I want to do everything possible to help them any way I can, no matter the cost, so any input on this would be greatly appreciated.

Ok sorry for writing a book on this, but it helps to get it out, and the affirmations that I AM doing the right thing for my children were VERY much needed and appreciated, thank you Duranie and Seniorjudge.


SD

 

[iloveyou]

reply

my son lived with his father and was 16 at the time. his father went to San Fransico for the weekend. i found out and went to pick him up right then. i found in California that it is ok to leave your children for no more than 3 hrs at a time. His point was that my son was 16 and could take care of himself. the police and county felt differntly. go get your kids and go to court. take the police with you. you have the right to talk them and she is with holding your right by not answering the phone. good luck