kids want to participate in activities but dad won't take them.

[mother_of_2]

(Georgia) My ex-husband refuses to take our daughters (ages 9 & 10)to any activities during his visitation (every other weekend). They have never been able to play soccer, or participate in anything that happens on weekends. The girls are very talented and want to audition for Atlanta Ballet parts, local plays, etc. And they are almost old enough to play school sports. They don't want to miss out on any more. There is nothing in our divorce decree stating that visitation can't interfere with the childrens' activities. They have missed ballet recitals; learned lead parts in plays only to have to back out, etc, etc. I've consulted w 2 atty's and get no sympathy. Do I have to go to court for modification? Or can I request a modification or court order directly from the judge?

 

[Duranie]

You can request it but what Dad does on his time is his business. In all fairness, extra curriculoar activities really should not be interfering with Dad's vacation time and with 2 kids and they both being in an activity, dad cannot plan what he wants to if he is always scheduling around the girls. You need to keep this in mind when you sign the girls up for things. How far away does Dad live? Have you addressed it with him nicely instead of threatening to take him back to court? Have you offered to take the girls to these activities? Dad doesn't have to comply but if you ask him before you sign the girls up for stuff, maybe he will cooperate. Threatening to take him to court will not solve anything.

 

[lauratuten]

If the children are only seeing their father every other weekend, I don't think it's fair to mandate that he shuttle them around to their activities. Dad should be able to spend his weekends with his daughters as he sees fit.

 

[bicentinal_baby]

I am in a similar situation.. however I am a bit luckier.. my ex finally allowed our daughter to do her cheerleading. I have had to allow extra time for him to spend with her. With her cheer schedule, she is cheering only certin times of the year.. or months.. so we just agree to throw in an extra weekend here and there. but she was in ballet before that and that took up much more time.. I would reccomned trying to stick to seasonal activities, and make "a deal with the devil" as I put it.... sometimes it might actually benefit you as well!

 

[mother_of_2]

He lives 30 miles away. I have NOT threatened to take him to court. I wouldn't want their activities to interfere with his "vacation time". Yes, I've asked nicely, the girls have asked too. I've NEVER signed them up for anything that requires weekend participation because I know he won't take them. But sometimes the end of the year performance or recital falls on his weekend. Yes, I've offered to take them. The girls' argument is "we always just stay home anyway! Why wouldn't dad WANT to see us do things?" I asked about a modification because, over the years, I've seen decrees of friends that have a clause that states "visitation must not interfere with child's activities". I'm talking within reason. I don't want all, or even most, of his weekends to be spent shuffling here and there. The girls would be satisfied if they were sure to not have to miss big things, like recitals & performances.

 

[mother_of_2]

The girls have begged and begged over the years and I'm ready at least to try to have something modified. Like I said, within reason. You don't know this but my ex does- I would never take advantage of it by signing them up for all sorts of things. They have limited interests. My only question was- can I, or the girls, write a letter to the judge that signed the decree, or do I have to hire an atty, go to court, etc. My question wasn't- should I, or not? I just want to know if there is an easier, cheaper way for all sides involved.

 

[irish223]

No, you cannot just write a letter to the judge. You will have to file a petition for a modification so that your ex has an opportunity to answer your petition.

 

[Duranie]

A letter to the judge won't work because that is ex parte communication and the ex should have a chance to address the judge as well. Judges have so many cases they really do not want to hear from the litigants.