How much is "reasonable access" when it comes to phone calls?

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Skippy75

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My husband and I went through a very messy divorce a few years back, with two children from the marriage. The custody arrangement was non-formal for a year or so. Last year, they formalized it through courts and mediation. He wasn't happy with it, and ended up causing a lot of pain for us through falsified and baseless claims to Child Protective Services. This fall he decided to go for more custody, and got it. However, there's one part that is rather vague and undefined.

Per the agreement, I am to provide him with reasonable access to the children. Since he lives hours away (he moved away from us), it comes in the forms of phone calls. Now, according to his lawyer, whenever he calls (once a night) I have to put the children on the phone, even if they've already fallen asleep. Some nights we aren't home to hear him call, and some nights he doesn't call at all. However, whenever such a night occurs, we get a letter from his lawyer threatening to petition for contempt of court. Within the past month, we've received three such letters for five missed days of communication.

Is this normal? What exactly is "reasonable access" defined as when it comes to phonecalls?

Thanks.
 
Why not beat them to punch and get the calls defined!? Then both sides will know whats reasonable access and what is not. Long as this ruling is so vague either side can manipulate it. Its not reasonable to wake kids the Lawyer knows this nor is it reasonable to expect you stay home 7 days a week.
 
A judge would look at this using the "reasonable man doctrine." I know this isn't going to sound like an answer but it really is. If a reasonably competent outsider was looking at your communication schedule would he/she conclude that you are giving your husband reasonable access or that you were unreasonably withholding the children.

You certainly do not have to order your lives around the ex's phone calls. If you are out now and then you are out, no big deal. I would inform your husband's lawyer in writing what the normally scheduled events are in your life. What time you get up, when they go to school, activities that they will be out for in the evenings, and bed times. (I take it they have regular bed times. Tell his attorney that you reserve the right to occasionally have spontaneity in your schedule without informing your ex. If he calls before they get up or after they would normally go to sleep I would politely tell him the children are asleep (he will have had proper notice). If he calls while they are at dance, karate, or church he will have had proper notice of your schedule.

Once you have done that, ignore his lawyer. If he wants to spend money on the attorney, let him. You have given him reasonable notice of the times you can make the children available. If you go out to eat and he leaves a message, call him back for a short call before the kids go to bed. His attorney is just trying to develop a record of non-compliance for the next hearing.

Reasonable access is accomplished with notice and politeness. If a judge sees that you are not trying to interfere with his access, he isn't going to get all wound up about 3-4 times a month when your ex doesn't get to talk to the kids.

Did that help?
 
If nothing else, it helps put my mind at ease somewhat, thanks. However, there's still one thing bugging me about this...on the recent letter from his lawyer, it included a list of dates where he was unable to reach the children. One of those dates was a day when he had them, so it's obvious he's making stuff up. As you mentioned, "If a judge sees that you are not trying to interfere with his access", how can one prove that conversations actually took place/did not take place? If his lawyer is trying to develop a record of non-compliance, I want to do whatever I can to protect myself (and my children).
 
So long as you are not deliberately preventing the communication you don't have much to worry about. Your ex needs to call at reasonable times to have his reasonable access. The kids will get tired of talking to him every single day... this problem will go fix itself with time as he calls less and less anyway.
Good idea as said above... go back to the court and have the hours for phone calls defined. Nobody expects you to stay by the phone all day just in case he calls.
 
You can't go to the court to get the judge to give some sort of order as to when these calls did or didn't take place. It's a he said she said and not necessary. I would however respond to his attorney anytime there is an inaccurate accusation. I would also keep phone records that show calls back and forth.

You have to be flagrantly violating his access rights to cross over into contempt. A judge does not punish for contempt on silliness, and in fact he/she won't be amused if the other side files frivolous contempt requests.

Just my opinion, it sounds like you are doing fine. DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT DOCUMENT in every possible way what you are doing and what he is doing. That is your primary defense and offense. Don't let him know you are doing it, just do it. When he does pull the trigger and takes you to court, you have your stack of stuff so well laid out that it blows the court away. It's well worth your time and it will give you a great deal of peach of mind.

Consider getting the children a cell phone. Even if you don't let them carry it, it can be Dad's private line to the children. NO ONE can complain if you do that and cell phones have a record of every call receive or made. If they are not asleep or doing something important, let them talk to Dad as often as reasonably possible. It can't hurt unless he starts badmouthing you.

Good luck, you sound like a reasonable person. Believe me it will come through to a Judge too. Judges have seen it all, they know what a bitter b*tch looks and sounds like. They also know what a pushy, controlling, trouble making b*tch (just to be fair) ex-husband sounds like to. It isn't their first rodeo. Night!
 
I also need to know what "reasonable telephone access" is.. My husband's ex calls their son hourly and expects him to call her everytime he gets home, when he leaves home, when he arrives at destinations, when he leaves destinations and so on.. Our attorney said 1 call every other day is more than enough tho we feel at least morning/night would suffice -- However she's insisting that she can call whenever she wants!
 
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Advise the child they are not permitted to ignore their mothers calls, however, if the calls are of such a frequency to be overwhelming, the child is permitted to allow them to go to voice mail.
 
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