grandparents seeking visitation beware

Discussion in 'Other Family Law Matters' started by jrenee, Apr 28, 2011.

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  1. jrenee

    jrenee New Member

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    in san diego,ca if your a grandparent seeking visitation with your grandchildren and you have had a felony conviction, even if it is over 25 years ago, you could be denied visitation or like me ordered supervised visits.
    Also if your recieving disibility due to a major depressive disorder, or something else your visitation rights are stripped
     
  2. army judge

    army judge Super Moderator

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    This may come as a surprise to many, but grandparents have no RIGHTS, insofar as their grandchildren are concerned.

    In a sprinkling of states today, there is a move to create grandparents rights towards their grandchildren.

    This is a new effort.

    It isn't firmly entrenched in our system of laws.

    Bear in mind, with rights there often come responsibilities.
     
  3. Proserpina

    Proserpina Moderator

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    I have to ask - what makes you think grandparents should have rights against the wishes of the parents?
     
  4. jrenee

    jrenee New Member

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    well ive been my grandsons primary caregiver for the last 2 years of his 3 years of life, until reciently my son decides to have his new live in girlfriend watch my grandson while he works.maybe im mis informed but doesent that give me at least visitation rights?
     
  5. army judge

    army judge Super Moderator

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    Regrettably, you are mistaken.







    You, as a grandparent, have no inherent rights to a child, not your son or daughter.






    Visitation is another issue.


    The legal distinction is important.
     
  6. Proserpina

    Proserpina Moderator

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    Please explain how you got to where you are now.

    Where is Mom? Why were you the primary caregiver? What exactly do you mean by that?

    Did you actually sue him in court? For what? And have child services EVER been involved with the child?
     
  7. jrenee

    jrenee New Member

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    At the request of my son i began watching my grandson so the mom could go to work( she was 19 at the time my son was 20 and my grandson was 11 months) my son works 7 days aweek and the mom began from the bottom and is now a store supervisor or a major grocery store chain.
    The hours began at 430 am and my son would bring my grandson over at that time, the mom was working 5am shifts. After amonth my son asked me if the baby could just stay over, 'Its just easier",he said.
    so my grandson stayed with me nightly and i would take him to see mom or dad whichever one was home from 4pm to 8pm nightly and then back to my house for the night. The mom usually had him overnight if she had the next day off. This went on for over a year.
    October 2009 my son moves out of the house unexpectantly, 2 weeks later comes over to my house to pick up my grandson for an evening visit and introduces me to his new girlfriend( 6 years older the him. ) e disappears, no reason no explanation no return phone calls nothing.The mother and I searched everywhere asked all we knew the police nor the courts could do anything, no current custody order, he changed is work shift.
    Three weeks later he finally calls the mother and tells her hes not going to let her see her son unless she sighnes a visitation plan that he has made up. He tells her he has a new girlfriend and took his son so they could be a family.he sent me a text mesage that said ,"this doesent concern you". I encouraged the mother to file for custody, she did.
    The first plan was everyother day with one or the other parent, it ended up mostly the girlfriend and myself doing the exchanges. This woman would tell my grandson as i would be walking up, Ok, give me a kiss and hug and he did she would say mommy loves you and Illl see you later", she would hold him sitting on the trunk off her car so he couldnt get away and wait until Iwas walking up and made him hug and kiss her before she would let him off the trunk so he could come to me.so much more so the mother ffiles for a modification and that resualts in the parents and myself are only to be involved in the exchanges, thr girlfriend was not allowed at exchanges.
    The exchanges are so hard my grandson crys and begs and holds on to my neck anything not to go to his dads, alls I could do was try and encourage him everyweek the same thing.always telling him daddy loves him and misses him ect. My son has never acknowledeged my presence at these exchanges.
    My grandson came home rom a visit, and when I saw him he says look nana, I hurt my teeth" he told me right there directly that "getting out of the bath tub" I asked where was jessica"in the livingroom". my grandsons teeth were pushed out so far his top lip was white from being streched across his teeth, it looked like he had bucked theeth, he couldnt close his mouth. There was not a single cut,split or bruise, neither on the outside of his mouth or lips or on his inside, no cut on his tongue, no visable sighn of any trauma except for the top front gum around the teeth were dark grey and the center of the roofff of his mouth was black with I guess bruising. The resualt his top four teeth were pulled out. Yes I called CPS. cont.
     
  8. jrenee

    jrenee New Member

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    At the request of my son i began watching my grandson so the mom could go to work( she was 19 at the time my son was 20 and my grandson was 11 months) my son works 7 days aweek and the mom began from the bottom and is now a store supervisor or a major grocery store chain.
    The hours began at 430 am and my son would bring my grandson over at that time, the mom was working 5am shifts. After amonth my son asked me if the baby could just stay over, 'Its just easier",he said.
    so my grandson stayed with me nightly and i would take him to see mom or dad whichever one was home from 4pm to 8pm nightly and then back to my house for the night. The mom usually had him overnight if she had the next day off. This went on for over a year.
    October 2009 my son moves out of the house unexpectantly, 2 weeks later comes over to my house to pick up my grandson for an evening visit and introduces me to his new girlfriend( 6 years older the him. ) e disappears, no reason no explanation no return phone calls nothing.The mother and I searched everywhere asked all we knew the police nor the courts could do anything, no current custody order, he changed is work shift.
    Three weeks later he finally calls the mother and tells her hes not going to let her see her son unless she sighnes a visitation plan that he has made up. He tells her he has a new girlfriend and took his son so they could be a family.he sent me a text mesage that said ,"this doesent concern you". I encouraged the mother to file for custody, she did.
    The first plan was everyother day with one or the other parent, it ended up mostly the girlfriend and myself doing the exchanges. This woman would tell my grandson as i would be walking up, Ok, give me a kiss and hug and he did she would say mommy loves you and Illl see you later", she would hold him sitting on the trunk off her car so he couldnt get away and wait until Iwas walking up and made him hug and kiss her before she would let him off the trunk so he could come to me.so much more so the mother ffiles for a modification and that resualts in the parents and myself are only to be involved in the exchanges, thr girlfriend was not allowed at exchanges.
    The exchanges are so hard my grandson crys and begs and holds on to my neck anything not to go to his dads, alls I could do was try and encourage him everyweek the same thing.always telling him daddy loves him and misses him ect. My son has never acknowledeged my presence at these exchanges.
    My grandson came home rom a visit, and when I saw him he says look nana, I hurt my teeth" he told me right there directly that "getting out of the bath tub" I asked where was jessica"in the livingroom". my grandsons teeth were pushed out so far his top lip was white from being streched across his teeth, it looked like he had bucked theeth, he couldnt close his mouth. There was not a single cut,split or bruise, neither on the outside of his mouth or lips or on his inside, no cut on his tongue, no visable sighn of any trauma except for the top front gum around the teeth were dark grey and the center of the roofff of his mouth was black with I guess bruising. The resualt his top four teeth were pulled out. Yes I called CPS. There are several pic. dates and times also comments made to me from my grandson that lead up to abuse,all prior to the cps call.
    CPS went to my sons house and they told the worker that he fell running into the bathroom, which is even diferent from what my son told the mother.They went to the mothers house also.Everyone had to test for CPS, Appariently the mother couldnt provide a test and ofered a different type of test, CPS declined.Case closed
    Aweek lster I went to pick up my grandson from his visit and was met with obsenity being yelled at me ffrom the girlfriend at the top of her lungs,I had to call the mother she told me to call 911 so I did during the whole time this woman is yelling at me calling me names , I stayed very calm as I was on the phone w ith the 911 guy until I saw the police at that time she went inside and, as I was walking to them I could hear my grandson crying and screaming wanting to be let go, then I heard him cough as he does when hes really upset, and then nothing , my attention was turned to the police walking to me, as I had no paperwork in my hand and they wouldnt wait for me to go get it my grandson wasent able to come with me. I was told to go home, I did.
    The next day the mother brought my grandson to my house and he had bruises from one side to the otherside of his face over his mouth and a 4" bruise with the fingerprint marks inlaid within the bruise on his forarm. I took one pic and quickly realised the impact on my grandson so I quit until he fell asleep.
    I tried to get the mom to report this to CPS but she wouldnt, I told my counselor and she reported it.
    The father filed for full custody for failed drug test on the mothers part and to deny paternal grandmother contact with grandson except that part was scratched out with a single line through it.
    I hired an attorney mom, gave him 8x10 of the pictures along with my declaration. Meadeation came and my son realised his OSC held no bareing so he told them he didnt want me watching my grandson anymore that I had mental issues and had been in jail for 2 years for welfare fraud.The recommendation to the court was supervised visits for me. I summitted paprework to the attorney about my book n release 25 years ago, all 900.00 was repaid and I had my SSI award for depression along with a letter from my dr. stating ive been seeing him for 5 years and and my medication has been the same for 3 years and how much I enjoy my grandson. I even had delcarations rom people who know me and my grandson.
    The attorney told me he wasent interested in any of it, that this wasent about me it was about my grandson.
    the mother felt the same way so I stayed home and cared for my grandson.
    Appariently a persons credability is destroyed when the court asked my son about the pictures and the declaration that was summited, my son said that those bruises happened while my son was in the care of the Pgrandmother! And that I had called CPS or the police like 5 times and no finding were ever proved. Like I said I called CPS once, my counselor reported the other time and the police came when the mother told me to call them when my son wouldnt let me pick him up.
    No one has ever called me or asked me anything about anything and Im the one who lost time with my grandson.So a supervisor I got.
     
    Last edited: Apr 29, 2011
  9. Proserpina

    Proserpina Moderator

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    That paints a bit of a different picture.

    The courts have apparently decided that your presence could potentially interfere with the relationship between your son and his child - and that's honestly what killed the visitation. I fear it had less to do with your history than your interference (and I'm not trying to be unkind when I say that).

    You must understand that you were never "entitled" to spend time with you grandson.

    So, as it stands, do you still have court-ordered supervised visitation?

    Because if you do - you've got a LOT more than most grandparents could ever hope for!
     
  10. army judge

    army judge Super Moderator

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    OP, God bless you.

    You have a very ungrateful son.

    Proserpina, I don't think OP has that much for all her efforts.

    Her kid has effectively spat in her face.

    Most kids don't behave the way that hers did to this wonderful woman.
     
  11. Proserpina

    Proserpina Moderator

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    She has court ordered visitation - that's more than the vast majority of grandparents in this country, and more than most would get even if they took it to court (in OP's state at least!).
     
  12. army judge

    army judge Super Moderator

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    That's the sad part, isn't it?

    I can see my grands anytime.

    I think hers is a sad and tragic case.
     
  13. jrenee

    jrenee New Member

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    The saddest part is my grandson loves to be with me. When we are together we go places, we go feed the horses and we have three parks we go to , his park,nana's park and our park. He loves to swing on the big boys swing. He calls me Catwomen and hes batman. We go and throw rocks in the ocean to build up his pitching arm so when he gets bigger he will be the best pitcher.we go ffishing and he sits next to me off the docks. I cought a ffish once and he wanted me to throw it back he said because it would miss its mommy, so i threw it back.when im driving if one of us says "me" or "you" the other will say the opposite and then he will go the two of us",huh nana?Im teaching him to hit the baseball I wonder if his dad knows he bats left handed.he gets excited when we measure how tall he is , i tell him when you get tall enough you can wash nana"s car and he just loves the idea. Ok maybe im missing him abit
     
  14. Proserpina

    Proserpina Moderator

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    I'd be devastated if the girls took their kids and never let us see them again. Truly, I'm one of the relatively few these days who believes there simply can't be too much love in a child's life.

    But by the same token - I respect their absolute right to decide who they want around their kids. Even if it would break my heart.
     
  15. jrenee

    jrenee New Member

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    So with it all out there does anyone have any idea on what i should do? file a joiner?how do i get the supervised visit lifted. I dont drink I dont smoke I have no other family. Ive tried to text my son beffore and i only recieved terrible painfful messeges back. from the girlfriend that is. before this my son and I had a great relationship, he was kind thoughtful and loving but hes turned into something else or someone else I dont know this person. help me please im open to any and all replys and consider all. thank you
     
  16. Proserpina

    Proserpina Moderator

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    jrenee, you're truly lucky you received ANY court-ordered visitation at all. If you pursue this again, I fear you might even lose that.

    But it's up to you. You're of course free to have a chat with a local attorney who is familiar with GPV suits, but please understand that suing your own child is considered a terribly hostile act and it could alienate you from him permanently.

    Out of interest, what's the problem with the visits being supervised?
     
  17. jrenee

    jrenee New Member

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    I guess if htere wasent someone hurting him I could give them that respect but how can I just let this go, no one else seems to care if hes being hurt and appariently he trusts me enough to tell me things, I have to protect him the best i could. If i knew he was alright but hes not evrytime i see him new bruises . I believe i have been here for all of them and if they no longer needed me then ive done my job, but thats not the case here I think i will pay for a therapist that specialises in play theraphy then the truth will come out.
     
  18. jrenee

    jrenee New Member

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    Im greatful for my friend who supervises its just that it restricts us to my house, summer is comming and we are so into going places and doing stufff and my friend is a bit older and surly not active. The order is a person over 18 and compatent! so what im not compatent? all the court knows is i have mental issues as my son put it, that could be anything when its depression, who doesent have depression. Im fighting for a reason these days
     
  19. Proserpina

    Proserpina Moderator

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    You CANNOT take him to a therapist without permission from his parents!!!!

    Please DO NOT do that!!!!

    You WILL lose ALL visitation if you do that.
     
  20. jrenee

    jrenee New Member

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    No No I didnt mean I was taking him ill pay for it the mother will take him, ide have no involvement in that except to pay for it. Im not that crazy. lol
     
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