Gaming the system?

[Tim Moore]

Jurisdiction

Virginia

My ex is currently dating a man for more than 3 years now. His mail is delivered to her house, he keeps his motorcycle there, and is frequently there. Recently, he gave her a black diamond ring as a symbol of "commitment" (her words). She also told me, commitment means we are committed to each other without sharing a bank account and without living with each other (which means she read the legal requirements for maintaining her alimony payment from me). I feel like this is gaming the system, and a reasonable judge would see right through this and relinquish me of the alimony requirements. I am probably just dreaming, but I am wondering if anyone out there has any thoughts on this and if she is just gaming the system as I have coined it. Please let me know your thoughts or advice. Thanks.

 

[justblue]

My ex is currently dating a man for more than 3 years now. His mail is delivered to her house, he keeps his motorcycle there, and is frequently there. Recently, he gave her a black diamond ring as a symbol of "commitment" (her words). She also told me, commitment means we are committed to each other without sharing a bank account and without living with each other (which means she read the legal requirements for maintaining her alimony payment from me). I feel like this is gaming the system, and a reasonable judge would see right through this and relinquish me of the alimony requirements. I am probably just dreaming, but I am wondering if anyone out there has any thoughts on this and if she is just gaming the system as I have coined it. Please let me know your thoughts or advice. Thanks.

Please quote, word for word (sans identifying names), what the decree states regarding alimony.

 

[adjusterjack]

I am wondering if anyone out there has any thoughts on this

Like Justblue implies, it depends on the terms and conditions of the alimony award.

Though I doubt that it gives you an "out" because she's "gaming" the system.

The guy she's living with is also "gaming" the system. He gets the milk without buying the cow.

(Double metaphor there.)

 

[welkin]

(which means she read the legal requirements for maintaining her alimony payment from me)

It also means that neither you or your attorney thought about cohabitation when your settlement was drafted if in fact, it is absent in the papers.

 

[army judge]

I am probably just dreaming, but I am wondering if anyone out there has any thoughts on this and if she is just gaming the system as I have coined it. Please let me know your thoughts or advice.

Thanks.

Court orders can't be "gamed".

Court orders must be obeyed, or one risks being held in contempt.

Virginia alimony laws dictate that an award (officially known as spousal support) is only granted when the court decides it is necessary. Typically, when spouses are in a long-term marriage when one is a stay-at-home provider, there is a wide income disparity, or where a spouse has a disability or doesn't have a job.

Contrary to popular belief, there is no right or entitlement to spousal support in Virginia. Courts determine whether a spouse receives alimony on a case-by-case basis.

Is There a Formula for Spousal Support in Virginia?

No "one size fits all" formula is used for calculating alimony in Virginia. Factors and circumstances are reviewed on a case-by-case basis by a Virginia family court judge with a lot of discretion in deciding on spousal support awards.

Divorce Laws in Virginia ([year] Guide) | Survive Divorce

What are the Factors that Determine Spousal Support?
When deciding on an alimony award, the court must consider factors and circumstances that contributed to the dissolution of the marriage. After it's determined that some type of award is appropriate, the court looks to a list of factors to determine the amount, duration, and how often payments should be made.

These factors include:

the obligations, needs, and financial resources of the spouses, including income from pension, profit-sharing, or retirement plans
the couple's standard of living during the marriage
the duration of the marriage
the age, physical and mental condition of the parties, and any particular circumstances of the family
the extent to which the age or the physical or mental condition of any child makes it appropriate that a spouse not seek employment outside of the home
the contributions, monetary and non-monetary, of each spouse to the well-being of the family
the property interests of the parties, both real and personal, tangible and intangible
how the marital property settlement agreement was reached
each spouse's earning capacity, including skills, education, and training
the opportunity for and ability of a spouse to acquire the appropriate education, training, and employment to enhance earning ability
the decisions regarding employment, career, economics, education, and parenting arrangements made during the marriage and their effect on present and future earning potential
the extent to which either spouse contributed to the attainment of education, training, career position, or profession of the other, and
any other factors, including tax consequences, to ensure the award is equitable.
Payments are often made monthly but could be made in a lump sum or a combination of both.

As part of the award process, one spouse can ask the court to reserve that the other spouse's right to receive support in the future should be limited. If the court approves the request, the reservation lasts only as long as half the time of the marriage (using a marriage end date on the date of separation). For example, a spouse can request support ends six years if the marriage lasted for 12 years.

How Long Does Alimony last in Virginia?
It depends on what a judge thinks is appropriate, but under Virginia Code § 20-107.1, the same factors that govern the court in determining an amount of spousal support also govern it in determining the duration of spousal support.

Parties in an alimony action should provide specific reasoning to the court for the amount of spousal support and any set duration of support. Reasons often used are the time it takes a party seeking support to complete school or even the amount of time before minor children are school age.

The burden for defining duration rests with the party who seeks to limit spousal support to a specified term, connecting the length you request to the factors found in the Virginia Code.

While there are no hard and fast rules, a "rule of thumb" is that a spousal support award is often issued for 50% of the length of the parties' marriage. The length is usually interpreted as the date of marriage to the date of separation.

In marriages of over 20 years, discussions are important because the outcome can lead to long-term awards or even awards of permanent alimony that could last a spouse's lifetime.

How Do I Modify Spousal Support?
If your circumstances change after a judge has issued a support order, you have the right to seek a modification of your spousal support. The recipient or spouse paying support can ask the court to increase, decrease, or seek termination of spousal support.

However, a spousal support obligation is not modifiable in Virginia if:

It is according to an agreement (as opposed to ordered by a judge) that was entered into before July 1, 2018, and the agreement does not state that spousal support is modifiable; or
It is under an agreement entered into after July 1, 2018, and the agreement specifically states that spousal support is not modifiable.
Spousal support cases that do not fall into either of those two categories are modifiable.

There must be clear and convincing evidence of a material change in circumstances since the date of the court order establishing the initial obligation before a modification of support payments is considered.

Not all such changes or special circumstances justify a modification of support. Courts want to establish if modification is possible most often due to an involuntary event, such as a change in health, long-term job loss, or other negative impacts on financial resources.

At any time, either spouse can ask the court to increase, decrease, or terminate spousal support payments if there has been a material change in either spouse's circumstances. Usually, a material change involves a change in finances (the loss of a job, for example). The court decides whether to change the terms of support based on the same factors used to set the amount and duration in the first place.

Spousal support automatically terminates if either spouse dies or if the recipient spouse cohabitates or remarries. The recipient spouse must inform the paying spouse of the remarriage.

How does adultery affect alimony payments?
A court must consider all of the reasons why the marriage failed when deciding whether to award support. If one spouse committed adultery, cruelty, or criminal activity (among other acts enumerated by alimony laws), the innocent spouse might be free from any support obligation.

So, it's possible that if your spouse cheats on you, you might end up paying alimony.

Awarding spousal support may be barred by proving adultery on the part of the person seeking spousal support. However, due to recent changes in Virginia law, you can't block spousal support due to desertion or cruelty.

Also, alimony can be denied if it "would constitute a manifest injustice, based on the parties' respective degrees of fault during the marriage and the relative economic circumstances of the parties." This opens the possibility that a spouse who committed adultery might receive spousal support despite proof of infidelity.


Understanding Alimony in Virginia | Survive Divorce

 

[zddoodah]

This comes down to three things: (1) the facts; (2) the words of your divorce decree; and (3) Virginia law.

We have very little of #1 and none of #2, and #3 requires legal research. If you think there's something here, then it's worth your while to seek a consultation with a local family law attorney.

 

[welkin]

You should really speak to an/your attorney about the cohabitation.

Virginia statute

§ 20-109. Changing maintenance and support for a spouse; effect of stipulations as to maintenance and support for a spouse; cessation upon cohabitation, remarriage, or death; effect of retirement.
A. Upon petition of either party the court may increase, decrease, or terminate the amount or duration of any spousal support and maintenance that may thereafter accrue, whether previously or hereafter awarded, as the circumstances may make proper. Upon order of the court based upon clear and convincing evidence that the spouse receiving support has been habitually cohabiting with another person in a relationship analogous to a marriage for one year or more commencing on or after July 1, 1997, the court shall terminate spousal support and maintenance unless (i) otherwise provided by stipulation or contract or (ii) the spouse receiving support proves by a preponderance of the evidence that termination of such support would be unconscionable. The provisions of this subsection shall apply to all orders and decrees for spousal support, regardless of the date of the suit for initial setting of support, the date of entry of any such order or decree, or the date of any petition for modification of support.

 

[Zigner]

The OP doesn't appear to have any actual evidence of cohabitation; rather, he has speculation and inference. One would wonder if that's enough...

 

[leslie82]

My ex is currently dating a man for more than 3 years now. His mail is delivered to her house, he keeps his motorcycle there, and is frequently there. Recently, he gave her a black diamond ring as a symbol of "commitment" (her words). She also told me, commitment means we are committed to each other without sharing a bank account and without living with each other (which means she read the legal requirements for maintaining her alimony payment from me). I feel like this is gaming the system, and a reasonable judge would see right through this and relinquish me of the alimony requirements. I am probably just dreaming, but I am wondering if anyone out there has any thoughts on this and if she is just gaming the system as I have coined it. Please let me know your thoughts or advice. Thanks.

If you think she's not following the agreement go take it to court. You can assume what you want that a judge will do but you won't know unless you take her to court.