Custody - Unwed Father

[Lewiscs28]

About 4 months ago me and my fiance broke up. Since then it has been nothing but chaos. The mother threatens to harm herself and our child if I do not pick our child up when she wants. She threatens to slit her wrists and talks about how she should of never lived as long as she has. The mother verbally abuses me and our child. I recently found out that she was seeing someone that I know has a problem with driving drunk, has been arrested for high speed pursuits and drug dealing. Her father also sells drugs and does them. I have reason to believe she is abusing alcohol and drugs due to her behavior. She called up on Tuesday saying she wet the bed and had no idea what day it was. This was the day she was suppose to pick our child up. I let her know what day it was and she screamed at me. I have tried to get her to sign paternity papers so I can have more rights but she refuses. I have know idea where my child is when she has her. My daughter is almost 2 years old and I am really concerned about her well being. I told her to straighten her self up and I would gladly give our child back so she can see her. She told me in the morning if I do not give her back she will call the cops on me. I am not hiding the child and she always knows exactly where she is. My question is this, if she calls the police on me and they show up. If I tell them everything that is going on do you think they would take our child away from me knowing the circumstances? Knowing that the child will be at risk from never seeing her father again because she is a flight risk. Also knowing that the child is going to be endangered.

 

[ohiogranny]

The mother threatens to harm herself and our child if I do not pick our child up when she wants. She threatens to slit her wrists and talks about how she should of never lived as long as she has.

That sounds serious but I have no advice on what to do about it.

I have reason to believe she is abusing alcohol and drugs due to her behavior.

You will need proof (convictions) of this.

I have tried to get her to sign paternity papers so I can have more rights but she refuses.

YOU need to file for paternity/parenting time/support. She can't sign anything for you.

I told her to straighten her self up and I would gladly give our child back so she can see her. She told me in the morning if I do not give her back she will call the cops on me.

She is the only legal parent at this point. You will have to give the child to her. How long have you had the child, and how often and for how long does she leave her with you?

I am not hiding the child and she always knows exactly where she is. My question is this, if she calls the police on me and they show up. If I tell them everything that is going on do you think they would take our child away from me knowing the circumstances?

See above.

Also knowing that the child is going to be endangered.

You have to prove that.

If she is leaving the child with you for days/weeks on end, and you have no way of contacting her, you may be able to file an emergency exparte, but you would need some way to serve her, and at this point you're not the legal dad. Unless you could file the above-mentioned paternity etc at the same time and ask for physical custody pending a hearing. I'm not sure if that can be done. But if you think mom is this bad, the longer you wait to take action, the more it looks like you think she's a fit parent.

What state are you in?

 

[Duranie]

It sounds like paternity was not legally established if you did not sign the birth paperwork so technically you could be forced to give the child back. I do not know what you are waiting for. Google establishing paternity in your state or go down to the court and file for emergency custody asap. Document her behavior and see if tape recordings are allowed in your state. Save all email and texts.

 

[Lewiscs28]

I am on the birth certificate. I reside in Illinois. Yes the state will pay for a paternity test if both of us sign. When this all happened I was forced to drop out of school (paid through the military). That was our source of income. She took my vehicle and left me with the child and I missed to many days of college. I was forced to drop. I have been seeking employment but the job market here is terrible. I have a stable place I reside at with family now due to the circumstances. She showed up today with her mother. I told her mother as a parent giving our child to her in the state she is in was terrible. She could not drive and could only say one liners. I told the mother she threatened to hurt herself and my child. How could you make me give my child up? Why would you? The mother replied I was using our child as a pawn. The police showed up and I told them everything. I could not help looking at my child and I broke down. The police gave her a verbal lashing but they told me that by law have to give her to the mother. I let them know on record that I refused and it was on them if anything should happen. They tried to get me to take her to the mother. I could not how could I as a father give my child to an unfit mother? All I could do was cry and my family took her outside. The mother did not even get out to see her. I guess I will have to come up with some money very quickly to pay for a lawyer. All I can do at this point is pray and hope for the best. Thank you everyone for your input. I thank you for your time and your wisdom.