concerned & desperate grandmother

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Wingding333326

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New York
I am a concerned & desperate grandmother reaching out for help and guidance regarding the health and welfare of my daughter and my three grandchildren ages 10, 13 and 16 years old. They live in horrific conditions subject to their father's years of mental, psychological, and emotional abuse which has become worse over time. They live in New York and I live in Pennsylvania. I have tried everything to help them, and avoid alerting authorities. But their dad has consistently made it more and more difficult to communicate with them. He has directed all mail incoming and out to be held at the post office and not to the house for the purpose of intercepting and blocking all mail sent out from my grandchildren/daughter as well as any mail that I send to them. Their father is a drug addict and alcoholic. He is controlling, manipulative, abusive and neglectful. He at all times displays temper tantrums, cruel behavior and shaming them all to the point that they talk of suicide. My 13 year old granddaughter wrote on her mirror that she wanted to kill herself. They are not allowed outside or to have any friends. Their living conditions are so bad that their father knows if I or anyone else knew, that he would be held legally responsible. I bought a $500.00 cell phone for my granddaughter's Birthday and Christmas present. She turned 16 today, she told me today was awful, just like always all birthday's and holidays are always worse because Micah yells at everyone through the whole ordeal. I have money that I am trying to send my daughter and my other grandchildren for Christmas but their father found out about it and he said that he won't let them have their presents. He has successfully brainwashed them all to believe his ridiculous lies preventing them from thinking that they can ever have a life of their own.

I love my daughter and grandchildren more than life itself. They love me and need me too. I am their only hope for them to have a suitable, secure, and stable atmosphere. They are at a critical age and without help and intervention, these children won't have a chance. From what they have said, suicide is a real possibility. I'm afraid for their lives this is a real crisis.

Can someone give me any advice on what I can do to get the cell phone and Christmas money to my daughter and grandchildren?

Thank you for your time and interest.

Teri
 
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I have edited out the names,other than your signature.That's simply not allowed.

So why haven't you notified Child Protective Services?
 
that is not an easy thing to do. they would all end up hating me. if i could just get that phone to the 16 year old, she can have a chance to get out of there and make a life for herself, she wants to get a job. that phone would be the only access she would have to the outside world. after that, i would not mind so much notifying the authorities.
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Wingding333326 said:
that is not an easy thing to do. they would all end up hating me. if i could just get that phone to the 16 year old, she can have a chance to get out of there and make a life for herself, she wants to get a job. that phone would be the only access she would have to the outside world. after that, i would not mind so much notifying the authorities.
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Are you really saying the most important thing(s) are not their safety or even their day-to-day well-being, rather, it's most important that they not hate you?
 
Zigner said:
Are you really saying the most important thing(s) are not their safety or even their day-to-day well-being, rather, it's most important that they not hate you?
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If they hate me, than I will not have any ability to help them anymore. I have learned how to send packages full of Christmas bulbs with false bottoms where I snuck letters to them, it took 3 times before I got them through, because dad searches the boxes. with out mom I will not be able to do that any more. I have 5 copies of a 16 page letter already to send to the authorities, including his back ground check, warrants from another state for domestic abuse, along with copies of incriminating letters the kids sent to me, They tell me things that they have not told anyone. the 13 year old told me that she hides in her room and bites herself to keep from crying because she thinks that she is a baby and weak for crying.
 
Here is my reply from another forum where this OP asked me to speak my mind:

If you were truly concerned for the well-being of the children, you would contact the authorities. I suspect that your real hesitation lies in your belief that the situation is not quite as you describe it here. Your post(s) are written in such a way to convey that the children are in imminent threat of severe harm from their father who has cut them off from the world, yet, from your place in a different state, you seem to have intimate knowledge of the minute-by-minute goings-on in their household. You also seem to be working to actively subvert the parents' role in raising their own children. You also seem to have some sort of messiah complex going on. You have stated that you are their only hope, yet you know there are resources out there that would be more helpful than what you are doing.

I really feel that you are exaggerating this matter. I just don't know if it's intentional (trolling), or if you truly believe. Either way, your actions are not helping, and are likely hurting.
 
I'm sorry, but no one here has any idea how you might sneak a cell phone to your granddaughter, not having any idea how their mail is set up or what she has access to.

Your phone works just fine, and will even work across state lines (elsewhere you indicated that you couldn't call CPS because you were in a different state.)

Children who are really in an abusive home don't care if they go to a foster home or where they go, as long as it is OUT of where they are. So if they're not willing to take any out that's offered, it makes me wonder how bad the situation really is.
 
The alleged abuser must be very clever.

The school authorities appear to be unaware of the three children's absence from school.

The alleged batterer despite his omnipresence in the lives of the captives, somehow manages to obtain funds to pay for the necessities of life, otherwise the entire clan would have died.

The story baffles and bemuses me.
 
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