Complicated child custody.

[HChrisp]

I will try and expain this in the shortest way possible.

Back in November of 2003, my ex-husband and I legally separated in the state of North Carolina. Nothing was filed, no one was served. He is in the military and was sent overseas. He sent my daughter over to California where I moved shortly after. Our daughter has been living with me since. I filed for divorce in September of 2005 and filed for joint custody giving him visitation rights. My lawyer advised me that the separation agreement could be changed and since we were now legal residents of California I could file here. So I had him served with the papers when he was visiting on leave. In the papers it states that he cannot leave the state without my written consent or a court order. He tried to leave the state with her and the police forced him to relinquish custody to me. He's now saying that I lied on the divorce summons saying that nothing was filed in a different state, which nothing was filed. We just formed a legal separation agreement. I think he is just full of hot air because I want custody of our daughter and he can't take her away from me. Now he's asking if she can come visit in North Carolina for a couple of weeks. I am reluctant to allow this because he tried to take her out of state and violate the court order. I told him that the only way she could come out was if I brought her out, stayed out there, and brought her home.

My question is this, do I have a fighting chance against this? Was I wrong to file divorce in this state? Should I allow her to go out there? Or should I just say no and that he will have to wait until he gets leave or gets stationed here in May? Please help me!

 

[carney]

If it was your lawyer telling you that you could file in California then I think he did what the law allowed otherwise he could get in trouble. If you already have something that says he can't take her out of state and if he is going to be stationed there in May then tell him to either come see her or wait until May. If you want to take her to visit him, then like you said before, go with her. If he has already tried to disobey a court order of not taking her out of state then it is a risk sending her out there by herself. You obviously think there is a risk of him taking her or the court papers wouldn't have said what they say. That kind of wording isn't in my divorce papers and from what I have heard it's not easy to get papers that say that. Always go with your first gut instinct. Don't let him or anybody else make you feel guilty for the decision you made.

 

[HChrisp]

Also, I filed for tax returns already and claimed her because I had her all last year. He called me the other day and said, "The military is making me claim her on my tax returns because you didn't file divorce until September which means I had custody." I had physical custody of her all last year. He was out of the country until September. I already claimed her on my tax returns, that's not going to effect my return at all if he tries to claim her? He's just going to be told that I claimed her already, right? I can't stand this, it's totally messy but it's his fault that it's messy. He tried to "doup" me and hasn't paid for his daughter at all. He will be in trouble with the military eventually. It will all catch up to him.

 

[carney]

Look through your divorce papers. It should say who gets to claim her on the taxes. If it doesn't say, you will need to get that added in. If you work you will probably get to claim her but sometimes they do grant that to the father because he pays child support. He will have to prove to the IRS that he gets to claim her since you already filed. If he has that proof then they will ask for money back. Look through your papers first.

 

[HChrisp]

It doesn't say who gets to claim her. He's been out of the country for over eight months...how is he going to have custody of her when he's in Iraq? He has no proof whatsoever. He was also supposed to be paying BAH (rent) to his daughter and never gave her any money...he gave it to his mother. I've already notified the military of that. He doesn't pay a dime in child support, which in itself it wrong. I've filed for a court order for child support and now I'm waiting. This is a huge messy case that is totally stressing me out.

 

[carney]

I wouldn't worry about the IRS right now. Wait to see if they contact you. Since nothing is in the divorce papers you can show them that it says nothing about him getting to claim her especially if he's not paying child support yet. Since you've already claimed her then he has to prove to them that he gets to claim her and I don't think he has that proof. My husband never got to claim his children. Their mother did. You really need to get it in writing though that you should get to claim her because he may petiton the courts to get to claim her in the future.