Child Custody and visitation pre divorce

M

MJHarpo

New Member
Jurisdiction
Michigan
My husband and I are just beginning divorce proceedings. I obtained an order removing him from the house and giving me exclusive use with the children. He will not agree to any parenting agreement. He says he is to have custody of the kids when I am at work and I am to have custody when he is at work. He insists that I cannot arrange for childcare if he is not at work and I am working. He insists that he can come and take the kids at any time I am at work regardless of who I arrange to take care of them. We have filed paperwork requesting a court directed parental schedule but it will take some time. Do I have the right to arrange childcare for the period I am at work and keep the kids from going with him? He is not physically dangerous to them though it would be nice if he could refrain from unloading his emotional baggage on them which isn't healthy.
 
MJHarpo said:
We have filed paperwork requesting a court directed parental schedule but it will take some time.
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If you and your SOON TO BE FORMER SPOUSE are unable to agree upon a child custody arrangement, the court will create one for you to follow,.

That said, speaking to the person you're trying to divorce is futile and useless.

I suggest you stop communicating with him, and have your attorney inform him to communicate with the attorney only.

If you don't have an attorney, I suggest you consider hiring one ASAP.

Don't worry about paying for the attorney, if your soon to be former spouse makes more money than you, a clever attorney knows how to stick the louse with the bill.

If he makes less than you do, all the more reason to hire an attorney.

Why?

Because dude will come after a big chunk of your loot, which is likely why he's demanding a 50-50 child custody arrangement, to save himself lots of his moola.
 
How old are the children? Have they previously been in daycare? Depending on their ages, you could likely make an argument for daycare to be a wise preparatory method prior to starting school.

Do your and your stbx's schedules alternate well enough for his proposal to work? Or is there overlap that would require alternate care? Honestly, if your schedules are workable and especially if he has cared for them while you work in the past, I can see a court finding that such an arrangement should continue.

But I agree that you would be wise to be working with/through a lawyer.
 
MJHarpo said:
Do I have the right to arrange childcare for the period I am at work and keep the kids from going with him?
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Until the court enters an order that says otherwise, each of you has equal rights regarding the children at all times. If your order giving you exclusive possession of the home didn't contain provisions regarding custody/visitation, then you, your lawyer or the court made a big mistake, and I suggest you get on the phone with your lawyer (assuming you have one) ASAP to discuss the matter.

stealthy1 said:
Honestly, if your schedules are workable and especially if he has cared for them while you work in the past, I can see a court finding that such an arrangement should continue.
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Concur.
 
army judge said:
If you and your SOON TO BE FORMER SPOUSE are unable to agree upon a child custody arrangement, the court will create one for you to follow,.

That said, speaking to the person you're trying to divorce is futile and useless.

I suggest you stop communicating with him, and have your attorney inform him to communicate with the attorney only.

If you don't have an attorney, I suggest you consider hiring one ASAP.

Don't worry about paying for the attorney, if your soon to be former spouse makes more money than you, a clever attorney knows how to stick the louse with the bill.

If he makes less than you do, all the more reason to hire an attorney.

Why?

Because dude will come after a big chunk of your loot, which is likely why he's demanding a 50-50 child custody arrangement, to save himself lots of his moola.
Click to expand...

He makes much more than I do. I have been a stay at home mom and home school teacher for the past 12 years.
 
stealthy1 said:
How old are the children? Have they previously been in daycare? Depending on their ages, you could likely make an argument for daycare to be a wise preparatory method prior to starting school.

Do your and your stbx's schedules alternate well enough for his proposal to work? Or is there overlap that would require alternate care? Honestly, if your schedules are workable and especially if he has cared for them while you work in the past, I can see a court finding that such an arrangement should continue.

But I agree that you would be wise to be working with/through a lawyer.
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The children are 3, 6, 6, 8, 11, 14, 16. The problem is he wants to keep the kids when I am at work but our work schedules overlap a couple of hours so I have to arrange childcare. He wants that kids from 2 until midnight and then keep them overnight. The 3 year old is still nursing but he wants to keep him overnight. Then he wants to return them at 6 am when he goes to work.
 
MJHarpo said:
The children are 3, 6, 6, 8, 11, 14, 16. The problem is he wants to keep the kids when I am at work but our work schedules overlap a couple of hours so I have to arrange childcare. He wants that kids from 2 until midnight and then keep them overnight. The 3 year old is still nursing but he wants to keep him overnight. Then he wants to return them at 6 am when he goes to work.
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I'm going to be blunt. A court wouldn't likely accept a 3-month-old nursing as a way to keep Dad from extended time with his child - a 3yo isn't likely to fly at all. At your children's ages? There is really no reason why they can't spend time with Dad while you work, and the two older ones watching them during the overlaps.

I'm sorry, but I think you're tilting at windmills.
 
stealthy1 said:
I'm going to be blunt. A court wouldn't likely accept a 3-month-old nursing as a way to keep Dad from extended time with his child - a 3yo isn't likely to fly at all. At your children's ages? There is really no reason why they can't spend time with Dad while you work, and the two older ones watching them during the overlaps.

I'm sorry, but I think you're tilting at windmills.
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No need to apologize. I am here to hear others opinion regardless of whether I like them or not.
 
Red Kayak said:
Focus more on this.

"Best interests of the children" is the goal. How active a parent has STBX been?
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It depends on whether or not his in laws are involved. If they are he is interested in taking the kids. If not then not so much. He isn't a bad father though just a bad husband.
 
MJHarpo said:
It depends on whether or not his in laws are involved. If they are he is interested in taking the kids. If not then not so much. He isn't a bad father though just a bad husband.
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Please elaborate.

Does he contribute to the home schooling curriculum? Does he take the kids to doctor/dentist appointments? How much is he involved in their day to day care?

My point being that if you suspect that his motives are $ as opposed to being with his kids, you have to be able to show why a different schedule than his proposal might be more fair and feasible.
 
Red Kayak said:
Please elaborate.

Does he contribute to the home schooling curriculum? Does he take the kids to doctor/dentist appointments? How much is he involved in their day to day care?

My point being that if you suspect that his motives are $ as opposed to being with his kids, you have to be able to show why a different schedule than his proposal might be more fair and feasible.
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No contribution to homeschooling. No to appointments 99 percent of the time. Thank you
 
stealthy1 said:
I'm going to be blunt. A court wouldn't likely accept a 3-month-old nursing as a way to keep Dad from extended time with his child - a 3yo isn't likely to fly at all. At your children's ages? There is really no reason why they can't spend time with Dad while you work, and the two older ones watching them during the overlaps.

I'm sorry, but I think you're tilting at windmills.
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Would the court be inclined to allow them to spend the night knowing that would have to be awakened by 5 am to be returned before the father went to work? That seems a little outlandish. Seems to me that the childcare I can provide in my home while I work would be in their best interests. I hope that is not just wishful thinking.
 
In Michigan will the children have an opportunity to say who they want to live with and if so how much weight does it carry?
 
MJHarpo said:
In Michigan will the children have an opportunity to say who they want to live with and if so how much weight does it carry?
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A judge may consider a child's preferences when determining which parent will receive sole or primary child custody in a divorce. Here's what you need to know about whether children can choose custody in Michigan.

In Michigan, child custody cases are very complicated and consider many variables when determining the child's best interests. A judge may consider the child's reasonable preference if the court deems the child to be of sufficient age to express their opinion.

- Parenting Time - Ellen Paynter Michigan Divorce Lawyer / Michigan Divorce Attorney

Sufficient Age for Children to Impact Custody Cases
In Michigan, children who are 17 years of age or older can choose the parent with whom they prefer to live. Children can impact the child custody outcomes when under 17 years old, but it may become more difficult. If a child is between 9 and 17 years old, a judge will interview the child and determine their personal preferences.

A Michigan judge may interview children as young as age six if the judge deems the child mature enough to understand the meaning of the child custody case.

The degree to which the judge will take the child's opinion into account varies by case.

If a judge decides parents are even in all of the positives and negatives they bring to a child's life, the court may give a child's preferences greater consideration.
 

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