Assault & Battery What can I do about my psychologically abusive mother?

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ChildAbuseHELP

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For nearly fifteen years, now, I have been psychologically abused and neglected by my mother, along with my younger brother of six, and my father. My father plays both parental roles in the lives of my brother and me, working his busy job, washing the dishes, keeping the house clean, paying all the bills, etc. Extraordinarily, he never complains about doing it all.

My mother, however, besides working a relatively slacker job, does nothing to help at home. She emotionally neglects all three of us. I don't mind the neglect at all - my dad and I are fully capable of providing for each other and the little one. Unfortunately, though, even with absolutely NO stress on her back, my mother mentally abuses us, complaining and insulting, literally nonstop. We try to avoid her, hoping she'd mind her own business, but she actually pursues us and continues. Every waking second of my life, I think: "Oh, I'll just endure until noon. Oh, I'll try to remain calm today...maybe things will be better tomorrow." It arouses suicidal tendencies in me. When I can't take anymore, I explode, yelling and shoving my mother away, often with my dad right behind me. Please don't judge us - we are normally passive, generous people - my mother's mental abuse is something that I am sure no one can endure. This gets her to get even crazier, screaming and thinking we're being unfair to her. The circle continues, on and on...

It happened again today, only I really lost it, and hit my mother. Not hard, but enough to make me realize that this had to stop. I needed to get outside help immediately, find out ways to remove this woman from the family. I need your professional advice - what can we do to remove her? This is a woman that does NOTHING at home, emotionally NEGLECTS, ABUSES, AND WRECKS her children and husband that provides EVERYTHING. I am personally 110% sure she is, to a degree, mentally ill, but she won't admit it, and won't visit a psychologist. I am personally afraid that any legal action will result in either my brother and I being sent to foster homes, or separated, one given to my mother, one to my father. I don't want either to happen. I only want her out of the house, never to bother us again. How?

Thank you very, very much for hearing me out. It means a lot to this fifteen year old boy.
 
If you're being abused, speak with a school counselor, or call CPS. Your Dad needs to be the one to take action here.

He can file for divorce and request exclusive possession of the marital home, and custody of his children.

This, as hard as it is to hear, needs to be handled by Dad, not you (outside of the previous advice about calling CPS or contacting your school counselors).
 
ChildAbuseHELP! said:
For nearly fifteen years, now, I have been psychologically abused and neglected by my mother, along with my younger brother of six, and my father.
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What, exactly, do YOU believe constitutes being "psychologically abused?"

My mother, however, besides working a relatively slacker job, does nothing to help at home.
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And, what, to you, is a "slacker" job? I have found that most all work is good work, and have yet to find any form of employment worthy of referring to as a "slacker job."

She emotionally neglects all three of us. I don't mind the neglect at all - my dad and I are fully capable of providing for each other and the little one. Unfortunately, though, even with absolutely NO stress on her back, my mother mentally abuses us, complaining and insulting, literally nonstop.
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So, I can accuse my teenage sons of "emotional neglect" of me and my wife?! Cool!

Seriously, these phrases you are bantering around have little to no direct legal meaning here. If she ignores everyone and your dad puts up with it, that's sad, but it is hardly cause for state action.

When I can't take anymore, I explode, yelling and shoving my mother away, often with my dad right behind me. Please don't judge us - we are normally passive, generous people - my mother's mental abuse is something that I am sure no one can endure. This gets her to get even crazier, screaming and thinking we're being unfair to her. The circle continues, on and on...
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If you are pushing and shoving your mother, then YOU are committing a criminal act. If your father is supporting this behavior than he is also potentially committing a crime. That is hardly the actions of a good father to support an assault of one's mother.

If one of my sons took off after my wife even if she was in an unreasonable rant, I'd lay him out. Period. End of story. Even if ...

It happened again today, only I really lost it, and hit my mother. Not hard, but enough to make me realize that this had to stop. I needed to get outside help immediately, find out ways to remove this woman from the family.
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Ask your father to take you to counseling. Perhaps the whole family can benefit from family counseling.

If dad will not take you, then ask at school ... contact a youth center ... perhaps a county health services office ... there are services available to help you control your frustration and rage.

YOU can do nothing to remove your mom from the home. Your dad can divorce her, or he can help ship you guys off to a family member. But, unless she is committing a crime (and so far it seems only YOU have committed a criminal act against her) she cannot be forced out of the picture unless a court orders her out of the home - likely pursuant to a restraining order or a legal separation initiated by dad.

Speak to a school counselor ... or somebody ... soon.
 
ChildAbuseHELP! said:
For nearly fifteen years, now, I have been psychologically abused and neglected by my mother, along with my younger brother of six, and my father. My father plays both parental roles in the lives of my brother and me, working his busy job, washing the dishes, keeping the house clean, paying all the bills, etc. Extraordinarily, he never complains about doing it all.

My mother, however, besides working a relatively slacker job, does nothing to help at home. She emotionally neglects all three of us. I don't mind the neglect at all - my dad and I are fully capable of providing for each other and the little one. Unfortunately, though, even with absolutely NO stress on her back, my mother mentally abuses us, complaining and insulting, literally nonstop. We try to avoid her, hoping she'd mind her own business, but she actually pursues us and continues. Every waking second of my life, I think: "Oh, I'll just endure until noon. Oh, I'll try to remain calm today...maybe things will be better tomorrow." It arouses suicidal tendencies in me. When I can't take anymore, I explode, yelling and shoving my mother away, often with my dad right behind me. Please don't judge us - we are normally passive, generous people - my mother's mental abuse is something that I am sure no one can endure. This gets her to get even crazier, screaming and thinking we're being unfair to her. The circle continues, on and on...

It happened again today, only I really lost it, and hit my mother. Not hard, but enough to make me realize that this had to stop. I needed to get outside help immediately, find out ways to remove this woman from the family. I need your professional advice - what can we do to remove her? This is a woman that does NOTHING at home, emotionally NEGLECTS, ABUSES, AND WRECKS her children and husband that provides EVERYTHING. I am personally 110% sure she is, to a degree, mentally ill, but she won't admit it, and won't visit a psychologist. I am personally afraid that any legal action will result in either my brother and I being sent to foster homes, or separated, one given to my mother, one to my father. I don't want either to happen. I only want her out of the house, never to bother us again. How?

Thank you very, very much for hearing me out. It means a lot to this fifteen year old boy.
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You poor, precious, darling child.

You have a mother and father that work to provide for you.

Your mother enrages you so much, that you are compelled to strike her.

Then you complain of child abuse.

You are lucky you aren't sitting in a juvenile custodial facility.

You committed domestic violence, not your mother.

I suspect 99% of all parents would have had you arrested or taught you a lesson about keeping your hands to yourself.

You have severe anger management issues.

Nothing you have said allows or permits you to strike your mother.

Under North Carolina law, you committed domestic violence.

Every state in this country takes that seriously.

Parents aren't the only batterers in a family.

According to Chapter 50B, the following acts are considered domestic violence:

* Attempting to or intentionally causing bodily injury
* Placing someone or a member of someone's family or household in fear of imminent serious bodily injury
* Committing any act defined in GS 14-27.2 through 14-27.7 (rape & sexual offenses)
* Placing someone in fear of continued harassment that rises to level as to inflict substantial emotional distress. Harassment is defined the same as in stalking law, i.e.
* Conduct that torments, terrorizes, or terrifies a person
* Includes all types of communication, i.e. written, telephone, fax, e-mail, voice mail
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You allege your mother is abusive.

Sticks and stones, dear child, sticks and stones!

Good people follow rules and obey laws.

Good people are disciplined.

Good people do not strike others (especially their mother).

I have the perfect solution for you sweet, dear, child.

You can call it; "HOW I MUST BEHAVE".

I will keep my hands to myself, unless I must defend myself.

I will keep my BIG mouth shut.

I will judge not, lest I be judged.

I must show gratitude to my beloved mother for carrying me in her body to term.

I will endeavor to become a better son or daughter everyday.

I acknowledge and accept the fact that the world should not revolve around me.

I hope that when I have children, they'll behave as I did when I was child.
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Proserpina said:
Judge, that was an amazing and poignant post. Thank you.
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Prosperina, that is very kind.

I was blessed to have two wonderful parents.

Each one made a serious and lasting impression on my life.
Anything good that has happened to me in my life, is because those two people fell in love, married, created me, loved me, taught me, disciplined me, protected me, nurtured me, reared me, and never abandoned me.
They are both passed on now.
There is not a day since they've passed, that I don't think of them.
Sometimes I laugh, sometimes I cry.
They were great parents.
In my mind, they were the world's best parents.
They taught be how to be the world's best son.

I haven't celebrated my birthday in over 40 years.
I was about 20 years old when it struck me odd and selfish for me to celebrate my, so called, birthday.
I reasoned that "my birthday" should be about my mother and father.
So, that day, many years ago; I sent flowers to my mother and a box chocolate caramels to my father.

My mother asked why, and I told her she did all the work for me to have a birthday.
I thought this was just a way to acknowledge all that she had endured to give me life.
I said that my dad was part of that process and he deserved to be celebrated, too.
She cried, and so did I.
I have three sisters and two brothers.
They started doing the same thing on their birthdays when they learned what I had done.
The end result is that my mother got six additional Mother's Day celebrations.
My father got six additional Father's Day celebrations, too.
Mom would boast about her kids, as most of us parents are wont to do.
And, she'd never forget to mention what we did on our birthdays to thank her.

What we've done isn't on any calendar, but it is now a family tradition.
I still buy flowers and caramel chocolates on "my birthday".
I guess its my way of publicly thanking them.

It pains me when children (and even adults) judge their parents for ill perceived shortcomings.
Those people grow up blaming their failures and shortcomings on bad parenting.
They never look inwardly.
They are where they are because they chose poorly.
Anything that ever caused me trouble or distress, was my fault.
I knew I shouldn't do it, and yet I persisted.
If I'm having a problem with someone, I can't fix them.
But, I can damn sure fix me.
Hey, you gotta start somewhere.
Sorry for the rant.
As you can see, this touched another nerve with me.
I don't see how most of us can't love their parents.
I'll never understand how anyone should ever abuse another human being!
 
Oh...my. Now you have me weeping.

But in the sort-of-good-way.

Because I'm going to show my little girl (some day - she's still in the SpongeBob phase, darn it!)

And my adult girls ( now - and who aren't really mine because I didn't birth 'em, but their Momma died and they've voted me in as Second Bestest)..

YOUR post and hope that they will learn from you.

I honestly don't have any more words because you've said it all.

:)
 
I can hardly blame you all for not, even in the slightest, understanding my situation. It is not something I can express in type - only something that can be seen through many years of being pressured by it. Imagine someone that follows you every second that you're with them, complaining, insulting, degrading...what if that person were your mother? If you had to live with that for every day of your life, could you? You may say that it's nothing, but that's only because you never had.

And now I'm the one that has "severe anger management issues?" If you've asked any of my friends or relatives, they would, without a doubt, tell you that I am a naturally calm and cheerful person. None of you understand the severity of my mother's psychological abuse. I am not the type the strike unless I were in a situation of severe desperation. In my 15 years, I have hit maybe two people, and those were back in 2nd or 3rd grade, bullies.

army judge, of course you would be appalled to read my feelings toward my mother, seeing how yours are actually normal. You've never lived under extreme mental pressure, always having to actually HIDE from your own mother, fleeing from more insulting or complaining, 24/7.

This was my last hope, trying to find some professionals that could offer some counsel or, at the very least, the slightest bit of understanding.

I'm disappointed. Thank you for trying, anyways.
 
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ChildAbuseHELP! said:
I can hardly blame you all for not, even in the slightest, understanding my situation.
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It is not that we do not "understand" the situation, it is that this is a family issue and not a legal one. All of the options are within the family. Dad can act to remove himself and you children from the situation if he chooses to. Apparently he does not.

If a crime is committed against you, call the police. However, understand that if you have thumped on mom, you will likely be the one going to kiddie jail - cops take a very dim view of kids attacking parents - even parents with "issues."

This was my last hope, trying to find some professionals that could offer some counsel or, at the very least, the slightest bit of understanding.
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Our consoling you and telling you, "Poor baby," would do absolutely nothing to assist you out of the situation you believe you are in. Nothing at all.

If you want REAL help, you can find it locally. Through the school, through a local department of youth services, a mental health department, even social services. I know there are programs out there to assist you with counseling and coping - even legal assistance if the issues at home rise to the point of some kind of legal abuse (I doubt it, but anything might be possible). Seek out those sources of assistance if you want real help. People on the internet giving you a verbal seal of approval does nothing at all to alter your situation.
 
I must say it, these are "alleged" issues from an admitted male, woman beater!

A male batterer, by his own admission, who CONFESSED publicly to beating his own mother.

I've seen this sordid excuse many times from males who've beaten their wives!

They say she nagged them, so she deserved what he gave her.

This batterer alleges the same thing about his mother.

One day, he'll grow up to beat and abuse his girlfriend and then his wife.




Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
Lord, you'd think as this is a legal forum, that some of the advanced users would know a hint about legal advice. But they're all just a bunch of parent-worshipping morons who's parents probably whipped them so hard every day that they think they need to bow down to anyone older than them, or god will send them to hell. That's not the way the world works, and I could name 15 legal reasons your mother is breaking the law; most namely - verbal abuse, verbal assault, slander, unlivable conditions pertaining to tenancy (to both you and your dad), and neglect (financially - food, clothing - if she doesn't buy you either of those and dad just does it, she's breaking the law.), ect ect. And I dare someone for a second to say I'm legally wrong here, it's sad that a forum like this may need to learn that the government is more powerful than god or any dimwit reason that anyone feels justifies breaking the law. Above all else, your mom needs mental help, she is suffering from her own mental problems, and everyone else in your family is too. And you're dad's a bit crazy for not taking her into the nut house, if he knows there are problems.

And yes, you hit her, big deal. According to the way you sound, it probably more just a push on the shoulder, and it would still give her absolutely no right to hit back even if she were to decide to, as self-defense can only be used in threatening situations, or used to subdue the attacker rather than punish him. Anyone here saying "I would have wiped the floor with you/beat the crap out of you." is a complete idiot, especially because even saying analogies like that on a public forum can be seen as a legal threat. I originally came here for help like everyone else, but looking around, this place is filled with people who don't know a pinky finger about law, and twist it around for their own personal gain and preaching.

Also, I'm pretty sure there are laws that say you can push a person backward if they are verbally assaulting you, in extremely close proximity and you feel threatened. I'm very positive that this is probably all this kid did. The police would have probably done the exact same thing if the mom was up in their face screaming and ranting, showing signs of aggression and wanting to start a fight. I by no reason support physical violence, but even the police have to resort to it when a person breaks the law long enough.

P.S. Now I have no real clue about this kid's situation, and wether his mom is really nutty or not, who knows. But I just know that from his statements, and based upon them, yes, it's a possibility the kid could have gotten arrested for "hitting" his mom if she wanted to press charges, or whatever. But in this country, we have a wonderful thing called a counter-suit. It means that if someone steals your television, and you hit them for it, they can sue you for hitting, and you can sue them for stealing. Same applies to arresting.
 
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Snapper123 said:
..... And I dare someone for a second to say I'm legally wrong here......
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You're wrong. You're legally wrong. You're SO legally wrong. You are OH SO LEGALLY WRONG.


Snapper123 said:
Lord, you'd think as this is a legal forum, that some of the advanced users would know a hint about legal advice. But they're all just a bunch of parent-worshipping morons who's parents probably whipped them so hard every day that they think they need to bow down to anyone older than them, or god will send them to hell. That's not the way the world works, (LOL) and I could name 15 legal reasons your mother is breaking the law; most namely - verbal abuse, verbal assault, slander, (LOL) unlivable conditions pertaining to tenancy (to both you and your dad), (LOL) and neglect (financially - food, clothing - if she doesn't buy you either of those and dad just does it (LOL), she's breaking the law.), ect ect. And I dare someone for a second to say I'm legally wrong here, it's sad that a forum like this may need to learn that the government is more powerful than god or any dimwit reason that anyone feels justifies breaking the law. Above all else, your mom needs mental help, she is suffering from her own mental problems, and everyone else in your family is too. And you're dad's a bit crazy for not taking her into the nut house, if he knows there are problems :rolleyes:.

And yes, you hit her, big deal. According to the way you sound, it probably more just a push on the shoulder, and it would still give her absolutely no right to hit back even if she were to decide to, as self-defense can only be used in threatening situations, or used to subdue the attacker rather than punish him. (LOL) Anyone here saying "I would have wiped the floor with you/beat the crap out of you." is a complete idiot, especially because even saying analogies like that on a public forum can be seen as a legal threat. (LOL) I originally came here for help like everyone else, but looking around, this place is filled with people who don't know a pinky finger about law, and twist it around for their own personal gain and preaching. :rolleyes:

Also, I'm pretty sure there are laws that say you can push a person backward if they are verbally assaulting you, (LOL) in extremely close proximity and you feel threatened. I'm very positive that this is probably all this kid did. The police would have probably done the exact same thing if the mom was up in their face screaming and ranting, showing signs of aggression and wanting to start a fight. I by no reason support physical violence, but even the police have to resort to it when a person breaks the law long enough.

P.S. Now I have no real clue about this kid's situation, and wether his mom is really nutty or not, (BIG understatement) who knows. But I just know that from his statements, and based upon them, yes, it's a possibility the kid could have gotten arrested for "hitting" his mom if she wanted to press charges, or whatever. But in this country, we have a wonderful thing called a counter-suit. It means that if someone steals your television, and you hit them for it, they can sue you for hitting, and you can sue them for stealing. Same applies to arresting :rolleyes:
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Snapper123 said:
But they're all just a bunch of parent-worshipping morons who's parents probably whipped them so hard every day that they think they need to bow down to anyone older than them, or god will send them to hell.
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Wrong.

That's not the way the world works, and I could name 15 legal reasons your mother is breaking the law; most namely - verbal abuse, verbal assault, slander, unlivable conditions pertaining to tenancy (to both you and your dad), and neglect (financially - food, clothing - if she doesn't buy you either of those and dad just does it, she's breaking the law.), ect ect.
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I do not know where you live, but those adjectives do not equate to crimes here. I suspect they do not in the OP's state, either.

If she is breaking the law by attacking the kids, then the OP can call the cops ... though she admits she kinda started it. And if there is criminal neglect going on, dad is just as guilty. However, very often what a teen refers to is "neglect" or "abuse" is far from it.

And I dare someone for a second to say I'm legally wrong here,
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Okay, I'll bite, you are wrong.

Anyone here saying "I would have wiped the floor with you/beat the crap out of you." is a complete idiot, especially because even saying analogies like that on a public forum can be seen as a legal threat.
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Not under any legal definition I am aware of. Please find one.

I originally came here for help like everyone else, but looking around, this place is filled with people who don't know a pinky finger about law, and twist it around for their own personal gain and preaching.
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If you were looking for a pat on the back and support, try the forum down the hall. If you have a legal question, you are free to post it.

Also, I'm pretty sure there are laws that say you can push a person backward if they are verbally assaulting you, in extremely close proximity and you feel threatened.
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It is called "self defense" and it is a justification raised after you are charged for battery (or assault - depending on what a particular state might call it). My state has no specific statute that allows for this kind of pre-emptive attack, and I doubt any other does, either.

I'm very positive that this is probably all this kid did.
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You do not have a lot of experience with kids, do you?

The police would have probably done the exact same thing if the mom was up in their face screaming and ranting, showing signs of aggression and wanting to start a fight.
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They could have arrested her. But, it wouldn't be for verbal assault, it would have been for obstruction.

Parents have a right to yell at their kids, and sometimes that is what gets through to them. Mom may have been out of line, but attacking her was not the way to address it.

yes, it's a possibility the kid could have gotten arrested for "hitting" his mom if she wanted to press charges, or whatever. But in this country, we have a wonderful thing called a counter-suit. It means that if someone steals your television, and you hit them for it, they can sue you for hitting, and you can sue them for stealing. Same applies to arresting.
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But ... she admitted to hitting her mother! There would have been probable cause for her to make the arrest. It's kinda hard to prevail in a lawsuit for a wrongful arrest when the person ostensibly committed the crime! Even if found "not guilty" that does not give a person free reign to prevail in a lawsuit, and no attorney is likely to take such a case even if the parent HAD to make a citizen's arrest (which, in many instances, she would not).
 
Maybe you should talk to her when she's happy or when she's in a good mood.

If that doesn't work you should probably talk to your dad or maybe even your teachers if you want.
 
matt55 said:
Maybe you should talk to her when she's happy or when she's in a good mood.

If that doesn't work you should probably talk to your dad or maybe even your teachers if you want.
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Matt - PLEASE don't respond to 5/6+ month old threads.

This is a polite request. You've done it several times tonight.
 
The question is if you still love your mom and if it can be forgiven. If so talk to her...find a way...there's always a way out for everything. I think she needs help. The best way out is always protect yourself but never hurt her.
 
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