Worried mother

[Mom23]

I have a child with a married man. We been togeather for 5 years and we recently had a baby. His wife left him because of his violnet behavior. He has never been support of me beeing pregnant, and havent helped me much. He is verbaly abusing me and constantly threatning me that he would take me to court for custody of the baby because a family member is coming to help me so i can go back to work, and he dosent want my family to see the baby. He is not working at the moment and he live in his mothers house, he is very good with the baby, aside form him contantly yelling at me infornt of the baby. I have help from welfare and dont have much money left, and dont get any financial support from the father. I have a nice clean apartment, and love my baby very much, and I will never prevent his father from seing him.
I have been looking for a job for the past 2 months and finaly recently got an interview with hopes of getting a full time job, and i am also trying to get my bachelors degree. I am trying to financialy stabilize my financial situation but he is trying to turn it against me.
If he goes to court, what are the chances of him getting custody of my baby?

 

[bluemann33]

I have a child with a married man. We been togeather for 5 years and we recently had a baby. His wife left him because of his violnet behavior. He has never been support of me beeing pregnant, and havent helped me much. He is verbaly abusing me and constantly threatning me that he would take me to court for custody of the baby because a family member is coming to help me so i can go back to work, and he dosent want my family to see the baby. He is not working at the moment and he live in his mothers house, he is very good with the baby, aside form him contantly yelling at me infornt of the baby. I have help from welfare and dont have much money left, and dont get any financial support from the father. I have a nice clean apartment, and love my baby very much, and I will never prevent his father from seing him.
I have been looking for a job for the past 2 months and finaly recently got an interview with hopes of getting a full time job, and i am also trying to get my bachelors degree. I am trying to financialy stabilize my financial situation but he is trying to turn it against me.
If he goes to court, what are the chances of him getting custody of my baby?

Only the judge knows the answer to that but its very unlikley that he would get custody if things are as you say they are. Not trying to enter your personal life but the guy sounds like one of the biggest losers I have ever heard of. If there is abuse then you need to deal with that asap before it turns into something deadly. Get rid of the bum before he brings you down with him. Good luck and keep your nose clean and you and your baby will be together.

 

[Proserpina]

He has the right to file for joint custody, visitation and child support (just as you are, Mom).

Frankly if you're on welfare I'm surprised the State hasn't demanded to know who Dad is so they can initiate a case against themselves...

 

[Mom23]

He has the right to file for joint custody, visitation and child support (just as you are, Mom).

Frankly if you're on welfare I'm surprised the State hasn't demanded to know who Dad is so they can initiate a case against themselves...

Yeah I know he has rights to. He says he would do it,, but there is no reason for that, its because he can't control me and he wants things to go his way. Thabk you for your reply

 

[Proserpina]

Yeah I know he has rights to. He says he would do it,, but there is no reason for that, its because he can't control me and he wants things to go his way. Thabk you for your reply

...and not perhaps because he wants legal access to his child?

It might not actually be about you, y'know.

 

[Mom23]

...and not perhaps because he wants legal access to his child?

It might not actually be about you, y'know.

He has rights, he is on the birth c,ertificate, and also sees him everyday, we are togeather, and everyweekend his family is here as well, he just doesn't agree with my family seeing the baby, but the have done nothing wrong to him. I am not keeping him from seeing the baby,and I have done nothing wrong to him. I want him to be with his son. Like I said he is a good dad. But everything I do bothers him. Brcause I don't do everthing his way,he said he will take me to court and take the baby away from me and make my life hell.

 

[army judge]

Fight him.

You have rights, too.

He has rights, he is on the birth c,ertificate, and also sees him everyday, we are togeather, and everyweekend his family is here as well, he just doesn't agree with my family seeing the baby, but the have done nothing wrong to him. I am not keeping him from seeing the baby,and I have done nothing wrong to him. I want him to be with his son. Like I said he is a good dad. But everything I do bothers him. Brcause I don't do everthing his way,he said he will take me to court and take the baby away from me and make my life hell.

 

[KCGirl]

Yeah I know he has rights to. He says he would do it,, but there is no reason for that, its because he can't control me and he wants things to go his way. Thabk you for your reply

There are all kinds of abuse out there, not just physical but psychological abuse, undermining someone's self-esteem.

Without knowing the two of you or hearing his side of the story, it sounds to me that he is indeed abusive. He sees your efforts to educate yourself (and gain financial independence) as a threat to his control over you. That's why he doesn't want your family around.

Abusive people will do their utmost to remove you from any support you might have or family. He wants to be able to work on you unencumbered by people with different goals. His threats to take the child away from you is just one more form of abuse.

It would seem to me that he should be paying child support as someone else mentioned.

I have seen too many instances where good fathers have been ostracized/banned from their children and relegated to the status of a child support check, which is wrong. However it seems by acknowledging his good (apparently) parenting skills and your commitment to keeping the relationship between father and child open that you are able to see beyond that and how inherently unfair it is to put a little child in the middle of all that. If what you say is true, though, it seems the father is not above using/doing very harmful and inappropriate things to stay in control

You should know that attempts to separate (even if not living together, but to become independent) from someone with abusive tendencies can become dangerous. So as such I hope that you have a support network at hand and some one checking on you from time to time. He may not like it but then life is tough. Take care of you and your baby and be on guard. The act of separating is one of the most threatening/dangerous times in abusive relationships.

I don't put much faith in restraining orders, its just a piece of paper but you might consider getting one so that if he breaks the rules more than once it should help keep track of his patterns. If you have a restraining orders, police are more likely to take you at your word, but all speculation on my part ultimately.

 

[mightymoose]

He doesn't sound like someone that would have much success navigating through the court. Until he actually serves you with some sort of papers to go to court, don't worry about his threats. Move on with yourself.

 

[Mom23]

Thank you all for you replies, you have been very supportive. If it comes down to courts I will fight hard for my baby.
My family member is here, and so far he hasnt done anything. I have support from my family and his family in the matter, they do not support his behavior.

Thank you again, and have a nice holiday
God Bless