why am I paying myself child-support?

[allisonnickens]

:dunno: i have custody of my grandaughter and have had it for last 4 years ever since her father abandoned her and my daughter on my door-step. When the state went after him for support they also went after my daughter. The reason i was told was that both parents have to pay when a third party has custody. But my daughter lives in my home with her daughter and provides all of her care and upkeep of the home. She has limited education due to a severe learning disability and in turn this greatly limits any earning potential. She is worth much more at home as she has become the sole care-giver of the child and the home. The courts have now put an arrest attachment on her for non payment. The only way her child support can be paid is if i can pay it for her and then they will send it to me. Money laundering is what we call that in my book. This would put a severe financial burden on the family and would be unfair to the child the state claims to be looking after. Please help me help them. Thanks, Allison, Ashley, Alexis:bye:

 

[mightymoose]

First off, that isn't laundering, and isn't illegal in any way.
It sounds like you have been aware of this for awhile because it takes some time for this sort of warrant to be issued.
Has your daughter been diagnosed with any condition that prevents her from obtaining employment?
If not, she is probably going to have to start looking...
Whether she lives with you or not, she has a responsibility to provide for her child. The burden is not yours... though if you choose to pay her portion you will have to address that with the court. Your daughter is responsible for payments until a judge says otherwise, and warrants will continue to be issued until then.
If you do take on that financial burden you will likely lose any state benefits you might be receiving for assistance.

 

[allisonnickens]

Thanks for your response. Do you happen to know how hard it would be to sign custody back over to Ashley? We would still be responsible for the arrears but that could be worked out over time.
This seems so unfair for her. She is the best mother that her daughter could possibly dream of. She has always been here for her, even though I have custody on paper Ashley is the ''present parent'' not I. If she had been married and got custody of her daughter this would not be an issue. I have never once heard of a parent having to pay support for a child that was living in there home.
As far as her disability goes, she has been diagnosed with a seizure disorder and has a vascular malformation on one side of her brain. She is terribly dyslexic and therefor can barely read above a 4th grade level. She can work if the job is able to make adjustments because of her problems. She has put in many of application since Michael abandoned them 4 years ago but with the job market what it is she seems to get passed up with every try. She did land one job 3 years ago but they had to let her go after she had 2 bad seizures at work. Poor kid can't catch a break.
And last but not least, why would I lose any benefits if I pay her support for her? I know little about the system.
Thanks Again, Allison

 

[Proserpina]

She is paying support because she doesn't have legal custody.

That's normal. If you want to change custody (and this assumes that the court thinks your daughter is fit), Mom will have to file with the courts. This shouldn't be too difficult, but if Dad needs to be served she might want to hire an attorney.

As you were told elsewhere, if Mom cannot work, she needs to be filing for SSI.

 

[allisonnickens]

Hi, Allison again. Do you know how expensive it might be to change the custody? Is it costly? And do you know about how long the process might take. When I got custody we had several visits from DCS and CASA checking out our home and circumstances. Will we have to go through all that to give her back?
Thanks, Allison

 

[Proserpina]

I'm not sure whether this was addressed elsewhere so I'll ask it here.

HOW did you end up with custody? Were DCS actually involved?

 

[allisonnickens]

When Ashleys boyfriend abandoned her on my doorstep after 4 years together she started looking for a job but there's no alot where i lived so she went to stay with friends in the city for a while. At first she had Alexis with her but this became increasingly difficult for her to juggle alone and she approached me with a request; she needed me to take Alexis in until she could find work and find a place of he own for them. I said yes. The state became involved when i went to try to get some assistance for Alexis seeing as her father had just dissapeared out of the picture completely. I was told that she could not just stay with me without my having custody. They said she was dependent neglect because Ashley had been gone for over 30 days. I got with Ashley and we both Agreed that for the time being I would have custody. She was heart-broke at how her life was going and decided the best for all was for her to come home and she did. When we contacted DCS and told them she now lived with me also so could we revert custody back? The answer was ''no'' not until Ashley could show the courts that she could be responsible for all Alexis needs by herself. This is crazy Ashley wants to do all those things but in reality she will never be able to handle such a load on her own. The poor girl tries so hard to be every thing Alexis needs her to be but always seems to fall short. And now there threatening to arrest her over something out of her control.
Thank you so much for being an ear to talk to. This is a hard time for the whole family and its nice to know that someone out there cares.
Thanks, Allison

 

[Proserpina]

Then you absolutely NEED an attorney.

Ashley needs to show the court that she's fit - this is no longer a case where you can just hand over custody to Ashley; the State has deemed her to be unable to take care of her child by herself and she'll have to prove that she is fit.

Even then, the court may decide that it's in Alexis's best interest NOT to be in the full custody of her Mom.