who gets custody!? help

[leigh04]

ok here's my problem. i'm having my daughter in less than 2 wks. her father and i arent together right now and we are already beginning to disagree on certain issues. he wants to have her stay with him some w/o me there. i dont
agree with this at all bc he lives with his mom since he and i split up and she is an alcoholic and has mental problems including bipolar schizophrenia which she takes medicine for that makes her confused and zombie like and im terrified for him to go outside to smoke and leave our daughter with his mother for even 5 minutes. he tells me that its not just my decision and that he dont care what i say that she is his daughter too and he gets to keep her.
but the hospital is going to release her to me i'm assuming since im obviously her mother. so does he have rights to decide things like this even if we dont go to court? he doesnt want to go to court bc he has 17 previous felonies one of which is domestic assault for hitting me while i was pregnant and i think the court might let him see our baby even less than i plan on bc of this

 

[Scooterdog]

As much as I stand up for Dads, and run mother into the ground, I'll give you my two cents worth(opinion):

You have not given birth, he has no rights, YET. When you give birth, you pick and choose who you want there, you don't have to let him be there. This is up to you.

You fill out papers after you have your baby, name of baby, ss app., birth cert., etc... He won't have any rights if you don't put his name down as the father, UNTIL he drags you into court.

Also, being pregnant isn't a really good state of mind to make decisions like this. I say this in concern of how you might feel some weeks down the road.

I took over as primary custodian of my son when he was 7 days old. A judge would never have let that happen. I don't think he's going to get much visitation the first few months, atleast. Even if he wants to go to court, it will be months, perhaps over a year befor you get a final order.

Your concerns are understandable, to a point. Dad has a RIGHT that you CAN NOT deny to see his child. It appears you don't have a problem with him seeing this child when it is born, other than the dear old grandmother who seems to be wacked out on drugs.

What would happen if you suggested to dad, something like: Start off slow with the visitation. Start by comming to see the child where you live for a couple of months.(Perpahs even a couple hours of the day, if it were not to much of a pain in the ass). Then after about 2 or 3 months, he starts taking the baby for, lets say half a day here and there. Then, as the child grows, and you become more comfortable with the situation, and dad learns more about babies, then over night every so often. Could something like that possibly be worked out? You seem reasonable, your concerns are reasonable, and it is better for everyone to stay away from court. Maybe try, with out being to insulting, explaining your deep concerns, with a newborn in this situation, to dad. Sometimes we do listen