What Would You Do Next?

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LongingForMySon

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Quick Back Story:

I did not miss a single doctors appointment, while the mother of my son was pregnant. I was annoyingly excited. I rented a townhouse down the street from the hospital. However, due to my sons grandmother (mothers side) and I having an argument regarding multiple issues (mainly her nose being in every aspect of our relationship/pregnancy), the grandmother forbid my sons mother from seeing me or allowing me to be part of my sons birth and life. Even after hiring an attorney to assist in the mother if my sons three DUI's. That was back in 2008.

I was never told of my sons birth, finding out via court documents. I begged and pleaded with my sons mother and family. I attended and successfully completed a parenting class, hoping that I would not only learn a few things but also showing my true desire to be apart of my sons life. To no avail.

After finding out my sons mother filled for custody and child support, I hired an attorney. My attorney advised me to completely cut-off all forms of contact. I did so. Advised to take a paternity test, I did and am the father. Spending thousands of dollars on attorney's fees ect and the result was horrible. I pay child support every month (have and continue to do so, with no late payments or arrears), was not awarded joint physical/legal custody, at that time was awarded no visitation. How this result was even in the realm of possibility... I will never begin to fathom. Needless to say, I fired the attorney/firm and will forever regret the decision to go that route.

Currently:

I have since then, moved from CA to CO for job opportunities. I have an amazing family now. Proud father of a girl and boy. I live and manage a large working cattle ranch. As well as, working a 40+ hour a week full time job. Slowly but, very close to becoming debt free (in less than 12 months).

As amazing as my current situation is, I have a hole in my heart that burns larger as each day passes. I have reached the point in which, I can stay quiet. Nor allowing this extremely painful and disheartening injustice to continue.

My Question:

I am seeking any advise on how I would go upon filling for visitation? Or what might be the next advisable action. I am unsure where else to turn. My expensive attorney did nothing but hinder my need to be apart of my sons life.

I am absolutely willing to fly from CO to CA for a weekend a month. I assume I would. be able to file for visitation of 4 or more hours each visit (just to start out). After doing so for 6 - 12 months, maybe my mother would be able to fly with my son to CO from CA for weekend visitation.

I have never been able to see or hold my son! Regardless, the fleeting notion that i may be able to see and hold him in the near future... Makes all this pain and suffering worth it all.

My apologies for the rambled ending. I appreciate any thoughts and/or advise on the next possible steps, ect.

Than You,
Longing For my Son
 
File where Mom and son live (this is CA, yes? NOT Colorado?), for an enforceable visitation plan. You're right in thinking that visitation will initially take place in Mom's community and you should expect it to be supervised at least in the short term (since you don't know your son at all).

Don't expect to have kiddo flying to Colorado until at least a couple of years of regular contact have passed (unless Mom agrees). And since you created the distance, expect to be paying at least 50% (if not 100%) of visitation costs.
 
Proserpina said:
File where Mom and son live (this is CA, yes? NOT Colorado?), for an enforceable visitation plan. You're right in thinking that visitation will initially take place in Mom's community and you should expect it to be supervised at least in the short term (since you don't know your son at all).

Don't expect to have kiddo flying to Colorado until at least a couple of years of regular contact have passed (unless Mom agrees). And since you created the distance, expect to be paying at least 50% (if not 100%) of visitation costs.
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Thank you for the response. That is correct. Mother and son reside in CA, myself in CO.

I have to say, I really dislike the fact that there is any mention of supervised visitation. Granted I understand the premise behind such, however I have two children (daughter was suggested to skip a grade) ect. and in perfect health. It's like I'm an untrusted lowlife.

I was surprised to see that you suggest the possibility of multiple years before my son can fly out for visitation. Why is that? Mother would have no problem with it. She leaves my son with grandparents for a day or two (usually during weekends), in order to have herself a recklessly "good time". Unfortunately, grandparents and I are not the best of friends to say the least.

In regards to paying 50% or more... I quite frankly would pay for 110% of visitation expense (don't want her knowing so), if that meant being a part of my sons life!

Do you think there is even the remote possibility of the courts modifying the custody order? More specifically, legal custody? I would like to be a part of any major decision making. Or is this a pointless wish, until regular visitation has been established? Any other thoughts or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Thank You,
Longing For My Son
 
If I were you, I'd endeavor to become the best father to the two children you have in CO.
I'd also work to be a great husband to the fine woman you've married.
All things don't work out the way we wish.
Don't cheat those who love you, stand by you, and love you; pining for the love of someone you don't know.
Whatever course you choose, I wish you well.
The legal solution is the one best avoided.
The law has no heart.
 
LongingForMySon said:
Thank you for the response. That is correct. Mother and son reside in CA, myself in CO.

I have to say, I really dislike the fact that there is any mention of supervised visitation. Granted I understand the premise behind such, however I have two children (daughter was suggested to skip a grade) ect. and in perfect health. It's like I'm an untrusted lowlife.
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No, it's that you're a virtual stranger. It's got nothing to do with you. It's about the CHILD.


I was surprised to see that you suggest the possibility of multiple years before my son can fly out for visitation. Why is that? Mother would have no problem with it. She leaves my son with grandparents for a day or two (usually during weekends), in order to have herself a recklessly "good time". Unfortunately, grandparents and I are not the best of friends to say the least.
Click to expand...


See above. He KNOWS them. He doesn't know you from Adam.

In regards to paying 50% or more... I quite frankly would pay for 110% of visitation expense (don't want her knowing so), if that meant being a part of my sons life!

Do you think there is even the remote possibility of the courts modifying the custody order? More specifically, legal custody? I would like to be a part of any major decision making. Or is this a pointless wish, until regular visitation has been established? Any other thoughts or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Thank You,
Longing For My Son
Click to expand...

Okay, may I ask a question?

This child has done perfectly well without you having joint decision-making.

What has changed?
 
Proserpina said:
No, it's that you're a virtual stranger. It's got nothing to do with you. It's about the CHILD.

Regardless, it's disheartening to know that a loving and caring father, who wants to be apart of his child's life (not just financially), has to jump through so many hoops and for so long. "In the best interest of the child", in my mind includes both parents (except for the obvious reasons), supporting their child financially, mentally and emotionally. Within their means.

I know... I know... Life is not a fairytale. Nor is it always a perfect situation. But why can't I lead an honest, hardworking, family oriented life, without being penalized for it constantly. Whereas, the mother is historically dishonest, parties a lot, is apparently now known as the "town bicycle" and lives off everyone else, doing as little as possible to get by and yet she is awarded everything. It just drives me up the wall.




See above. He KNOWS them. He doesn't know you from Adam.

I understand that.



Okay, may I ask a question?

This child has done perfectly well without you having joint decision-making.

What has changed?
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The major change is that his mother has began to party (drugs,alcohol, ect) more than expected. More specifically, it's been pushing past the weekend and into the week. She still does not have a job. She still lives with her parents. I could go on and on. I guess I have lost all trust in the fact that she knows what's best for him.

Thank You,
Longing For My Son
 
Its very very odd for you not to be awarded some form of visitation. This sends a red flag to any reader here. Can you explain the Judges reason(s) for not granting you any form of visitation? Can you also tell us (in case i missed it) how much time has passed since child's birth. It seems quite a while as you have already had another family since then. this is important as it can be used by child's Mother as tool against your seeing child
 
The harsh reality is that Mom is allowed to party. Every night if she wants as soon as kiddo goes to sleep. Likewise, she can down two bottles of chardonnay every night at home in front of L&O. As long as that's not harming the child, it's a non-issue. She lives with her parents who are obviously providing much of the support - and again, that's a non-issue.

If you can prove that she's using hard drugs - other than pot - around the child, you might have something.

Can you do that?
 
Proserpina said:
The harsh reality is that Mom is allowed to party. Every night if she wants as soon as kiddo goes to sleep. Likewise, she can down two bottles of chardonnay every night at home in front of L&O. As long as that's not harming the child, it's a non-issue. She lives with her parents who are obviously providing much of the support - and again, that's a non-issue.

If you can prove that she's using hard drugs - other than pot - around the child, you might have something.

Can you do that?
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I have recently hired a PI. So we shall see.
 
shrinkmaster said:
Its very very odd for you not to be awarded some form of visitation. This sends a red flag to any reader here. Can you explain the Judges reason(s) for not granting you any form of visitation? Can you also tell us (in case i missed it) how much time has passed since child's birth. It seems quite a while as you have already had another family since then. this is important as it can be used by child's Mother as tool against your seeing child
Click to expand...


First things first, she had a friend of her family serve me. Well this would have been a non issue, if I had actually been served. This process server wrote a sworn statement (of course) that he personally served me Thanksgiving night at an address that was a brief corporate housing stay.

More specifically, the address he "served" me at, was one in which I stayed at for less than 5 months. It was a corporate rental until I was able to find housing. Here is the kicker:
1. I had not been living at that address for almost 6 months.
2. I had a signed lease with both the corporate rental and the house I had been living at.
3. I had 4 relatives at my house the day before, the day of Thanksgiving and the two days after. Not one person came to my house while my relatives were staying with us.

Therefore, by the time I had figured out anything was happening (found out when I checked my credit report and noticed child support info), she had been awarded what she wanted. Due to my "no-show" at court hearings.

The disheartening fact about the aforementioned facts, is that even with two different rental contracts proving my position, as well as the courts learning of the "process server" perjuring himself... The order was left unchanged!

Lastly, he was born in 2008. After the separation of the mother and I, I asked a close long time friend and her daughter to move in. Her ex husband up and left them with nothing out of the blue. Now a few years down the road, we have become a family and I couldn't be happier.

Does the above details answer your questions?

Thank You,
Longing For My Son
 
Let me ask you something.

You've done ...what, in four years? No matter who is to blame, you've had no visitation with this child at all, correct?

And now you've hired a PI?

What triggered that, exactly? The court is going to ask you the same question.
 
LongingForMySon said:
First things first, she had a friend of her family serve me. Well this would have been a non issue, if I had actually been served. This process server wrote a sworn statement (of course) that he personally served me Thanksgiving night at an address that was a brief corporate housing stay.

More specifically, the address he "served" me at, was one in which I stayed at for less than 5 months. It was a corporate rental until I was able to find housing. Here is the kicker:
1. I had not been living at that address for almost 6 months.
2. I had a signed lease with both the corporate rental and the house I had been living at.
3. I had 4 relatives at my house the day before, the day of Thanksgiving and the two days after. Not one person came to my house while my relatives were staying with us.

Therefore, by the time I had figured out anything was happening (found out when I checked my credit report and noticed child support info), she had been awarded what she wanted. Due to my "no-show" at court hearings.

The disheartening fact about the aforementioned facts, is that even with two different rental contracts proving my position, as well as the courts learning of the "process server" perjuring himself... The order was left unchanged!

Lastly, he was born in 2008. After the separation of the mother and I, I asked a close long time friend and her daughter to move in. Her ex husband up and left them with nothing out of the blue. Now a few years down the road, we have become a family and I couldn't be happier.

Does the above details answer your questions?

Thank You,
Longing For My Son
Click to expand...


Not really but if you have proof that the court was duped into thinking something untrue take that evidence to court. Your inproper service claim does not tell me why you have NO VISITATION. There has to be a reason. In addition why has this gone on so long? Again somethng isnt right here at least in my view.
 
If he wasn't served and didn't actually turn up in court to request visitation, I can see no visitation being ordered.

(In fact that would be fairly standard - the "showing" parent gets what they ask for, the "no-show" generally ends up with nada)
 
Agreed and if he can show that he was not served then he can get order tossed. However the time that has expired is concerning
 
Lack of proper service won't get a four-year old order tossed.

(If all things in the world were fair, it should - but realistically, it's not likely to happen because Dad sat on it for too long as you mention)
 
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