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What rights does a grandparent who has had placement(but no custody)for 4 years have?

Discussion in 'Grandparents Rights' started by Elizabeth Lenzo, Aug 15, 2020.

  1. Elizabeth Lenzo

    Elizabeth Lenzo Law Topic Starter New Member

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    Hello.
    My husband and I have 5 children. Due to recovering from a serious accident and having extra needs, our oldest son began staying with my mother back in 2016. We were living in CA, and she in WI. Upon moving back to IL an hour away from where my mom lives, we began having our child with us every weekend- sometimes every other weekend. A year ago we moved back to Madison WI where my mom lives. We have been saying it is time for our son to come back home and my mom has been delaying this. She’s very manipulative and has a therapist convinced that the best place for our son is only with her. They have a very strange and unhealthy relationship and my mother’s behavior has become increasingly unstable and concerning. Since my husband and I have been actively trying to get our kid back, she has done things like leave her house with him overnight and not tell us where they are, threatened to do everything in her power to keep him with her, kept him from us, etc. This has all escalated over the past week, we have all (myself, my husband, my sister, my dad, friends ) tried reasoning with her and that failed. We tried involving the police and she told them to direct their questions to her attorney. I believe she has tried to file for emergency placement or custody or guardianship or I have no idea.
    From what I have read, grandparents rights involve more rights to visitation than to custody or placement. I have also read and been told by attorneys who are friends that it is extremely rare for a grandparent to be awarded custody when there are 2 competent parents with no record or history of abuse or neglect etc. My husband and I are good parents with 4 happy and healthy other kids. We initially were both working full time and felt like we couldn’t meet our oldest son’s extra needs and that has changed. We obviously made the mistake of trusting my mother. My question is HOW are my rights affected or changed by the fact that we willingly have allowed him stay with her for several years? I’m so scared that she can actually try and take our child from us. She’s very scary and unstable and mentally unhealthy and I do not want her near any of my children let alone basically raising one of them. I want to know if she even has a chance Of somehow winning in court. I am in the process of retaining my own attorney but it is the weekend and I just can’t stop thinking about this obviously. And it’s hard to find any information. Thank you for reading!!!
     
  2. justblue

    justblue Well-Known Member

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    How old is your son? What type of "extra needs" caused you to send him to live with your mother for 4 years? Are you paying child support?
     
  3. adjusterjack

    adjusterjack Super Moderator

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    You live in the same town. Go get your son. Call a cop if your mother doesn't turn him over to you.
     
    leslie82 likes this.
  4. Elizabeth Lenzo

    Elizabeth Lenzo Law Topic Starter New Member

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    He was in a serious accident in 2013, then in 2016 after moving to CA his PTSD was very severe and he had ongoing physical and emotional issues. he spent a ton of time with my mom during his initial recovery from the accident and they became very close. So when he was having. A VERY hard time in CA it was suggested (by someone other than my mother) that we try having him stay with her, for a while. She dedicated her entire life to him- his OT, PT, counseling, cello, piano martial arts etc. At the time, my husband and I wouldn’t have been able to do all of that due to having several other children and working all the time. So we paid her to do that. We sent her $3,000 per month for years. Then when we wanted him to come home a couple of years ago she ended up convincing us to let him stay and the number went down to $2,000. But we were paying her to care for him and also to cover his expenses. We no longer want her help, and I have no idea what her plans are or what is even possible legally. I can’t imagine she can just take our kid but I’m very scared.
     
  5. Elizabeth Lenzo

    Elizabeth Lenzo Law Topic Starter New Member

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    hey. I tried that. A few times. The police are like “we can’t go in your mother’s house and physically remove your child. This is a civil/family court matter. Stop calling us. Oh also stay off your mother’s property” that actually happened. She is an extremely charismatic sociopath.
     
  6. justblue

    justblue Well-Known Member

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    How old is your son?
     
  7. justblue

    justblue Well-Known Member

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    Was your mother Dx'ed by a psychologist/psychiatrist as a sociopath? If so...Why would you willingly place your child with her?
     
  8. Elizabeth Lenzo

    Elizabeth Lenzo Law Topic Starter New Member

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    he is 11
     
  9. justblue

    justblue Well-Known Member

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    Would you please answer the questions in post #7? Thanks..
     
  10. Elizabeth Lenzo

    Elizabeth Lenzo Law Topic Starter New Member

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    no. I didn’t realize until recently. My sister has been trying to tell me for a year, but I didn’t believe it. She has only now shown her true colors. I obviously thought she was safe and that I could trust her
     
  11. justblue

    justblue Well-Known Member

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    Well unless your sister is a psychologist she is not qualified to diagnose your mother for mental health conditions.
    Because your mother doesn't wish to give up custody of her grandchild that she has been caring for for 4 years doesn't make her a sociopath. She may consider that it is in his best interest to remain with her...after all, you and your husband considered it to be in his best interest to be there for the last 4 years as well.

    Now...there must be some type of legal guardianship or custody otherwise Grandma wouldn't be able to enroll him in school or seek medical/dental/therapy for your son...So what type of paperwork did you sign when you placed him with your mother?
     

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