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what now

Discussion in 'Other Family Law Matters' started by zfam, Feb 17, 2017.

  1. zfam

    zfam Law Topic Starter Guest

    Jurisdiction:
    California
    Super brief summary. Fiance and I are battling against the biol. Mother of our child. In 2015 she decided to disregard our 50/50 arrangement of 11 years and withheld our daughters. She then filed for child support, etc. We have done everything by the book, but we get disregarded in court. They do not read any pleadings and they believe everything she says without the need to supply proof. We have lost everything and have gone from a 6fig salary to gov't assistance and now forclosure. She literally spends on clothing per month what we have as income. She lies about timeshare% and her finances and we are paying HER child support. No matter what we do, they don't listen. Child support services has ignored our requests to modify and accordingly to the real calculations, she owes us, not the other way around.
    We cannot afford legal help but we can't live like this anymore and we don't know what to do.
     
  2. leslie82

    leslie82 Active Member

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    Let's just clear this up right now - there is no biological mother. She is the mother of that child. Your fiancée is the father. YOU are not the mother. That is not YOUR child or "our" child. That is his and her child. You aren't even a stepmother. You're just a partner. I really hope you do not disparage the mother in front of their kids. (I was a stepparent and I did think of his kids as my kids but I knew they aren't my kids and I never had them call me mom or said they're our kids or called their mom "biological mom." That's their mother).

    What exactly does she say that you think she needs to provide proof? Also why isn't your partner on here asking questions? HE has the legal rights. YOU don't. So you can't do anything. He needs to come on here and ask questions or talk to a lawyer.

    I'm not even sure what you're asking. How to stop paying her child support? If she is violating the custody order your partner takes her to court for contempt. HE needs to go talk to a lawyer. Only a lawyer can help him. You have no legal standing. You can't do anything. You're legally a stranger to those kids.
     
    hrforme likes this.
  3. army judge

    army judge Super Moderator

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    The mother of your friend's child can't take your money.
    She can take your friend's money.
    If your money has been taken, I suggest you contact a lawyer and endeavor to get it ALL returned to you.
    Just to be clear, YOUR money, not your friend's money.
    You don't have to use your money to pay child support your friend is required to pay.

    In fact, if I were you, I'd simply walk away from a freind with all the issues and drama the one you have faces.

    You don't owe that woman a dime.
    He may owe her more, but his problems aren't your problems.
    Unless, you desire to be homeless and penniless.
    If you do, stay right where you are.
    Why?
    You've achieved the "success" you sought.
     
    leslie82 likes this.
  4. ElleMD

    ElleMD Well-Known Member

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    Was your fiancé ever married to the mother of his children? Did he ever pay support per a formal court ordered agreement? Did he follow said agreement or just have an "understanding" not to do so?
     
  5. leslie82

    leslie82 Active Member

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    How did you go from a six figure salary to that? Did you both lose your jobs? Not sure how paying her child support would cause him to lose his salary.

    You shouldn't be paying her anything. It's his child support not yours. I know I did it with my ex husband because his first ex wife would say he couldn't have the kids if she didn't get money. (Illegal). So I paid it. But I shouldn't have.

    I agree with army judge you should get out while you can.
     
  6. army judge

    army judge Super Moderator

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    We see so many females that get bamboozled by these loser males.
    People wake up, stop allowing yourselves to blinded by love.
    Love won't blind you.
    Love opens your eyes and your mind.
    Stop falling for these scammers, abusers, cheaters, beaters, whatevers, unless you're treated humanely and loved; you're better off alone!!!!
     
  7. leslie82

    leslie82 Active Member

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    You know that they don't start out like that right? No woman or man even meets someone who is immediately an asshole and says "I'm going to stay with that." They start out seeming like a decent human being...then later the truth comes out.
     
  8. army judge

    army judge Super Moderator

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    Yes, which is why if you want to avoid being bamboozled and abused, resist the temptation to move in with him/her/it, or allow it/him/her to move in with you.

    Keep your distance, take it slow, before you change your life for an abuser or scammer.

    The first time he/she/it beats you, calls you foul names, takes your money; that's the only time you get whacked.

    Don't be its/her/his "whack a mole", get out fast!!!!!
     

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