I want to file for divorce and need help with getting advice on grounds, and where to locate a free consultation. My husband and I are married over 4 years and have a 3 year old son.
My husband has a short temper, and SO much negativity and I believe personal issues that make him seem angry or miserable to a lot of people. A LOT. My issue is that I don't like how he talks to or deals with our son. If he acts up, hubby's quick temper has him yelling right away and sometimes hit or hold my son down depending on what the little guy is doing. He says really mean things in anger, for example: 'i'll lock you in the closet' or 'i'll put you in the trunk' or 'f*ck you' (when he was just 1 in the crib he said this to our son). These are just a few. He calls him names all the time: crybaby, a girl, calls him by a girl's name and calls him a 'f*cking little brat' to his face.
He has said that we're a burden, he acts like my son is a nuisance sometimes and it makes me angry. Then there are other times when he's really good to our son.
We don't really sit down and discuss issues. When this stuff happens, I step in to say something but he sees it as me undermining him so I stopped doing that, waited until we were alone and said my peace. He immediately gets defensive, says I'm perfect and supermom and I know everything. I am not like that at all - just told him to imagine being so small and someone standing over you so big yelling and looking that mad and you don't understand.
Bottom line is he doesn't see a problem, and will NOT go speak with a counselor because he won't spend the money to do so, even though insurance covers it. He will not go talk to a priest with me for free. This shows me that since he says there's no issue and won't go, he doesn't want to change his behaviors.
That being said, he has been acting nicer to our son, which is great. But in my head, I'm already detaching from him so much that I realize how different we really are. I know people see what I see from their comments - they see his angers, resentments, chip on his shoulder, negativity and feel unwelcome in our place because he doesn't want people over. I had a few girlfriends and sisters over to watch Sex and the City movie, and he would NOT go out - he made it known that he wasn't happy with people being there and the ladies I just met asked my friend if he is always so miserable.
Sex life is nil, and I have a physical issues so don't usually want to do it. But when we do, and it doesn't go well, he gets mad of course. But we met in June, married in September so it was a whirlwind. We got pregnant a month after we got married. He seemed happier back then, but now I feel like I can't be myself around him because he knocks down everything that's not like him. He is very stereotypical and has some racist opinions that I don't want him sharing with our son. I'm a much more accepting and live and let live person. I don't want my son not to play with kids who may have a gay parent - that type of thing.
I just feel like and have told him I'm not happy with this and if we can't work our issues out, there is no point in being together. So my point is this - what grounds do I divorce on?
Also he is trying to do debt consolidation and still looking for options, but has mentioned bankruptcy and I'll be damned before I do that. I have a good job, and I can get another one whether he likes that or not before we do that. I don't want to lose my car, it's in his name first.
If I file for divorce and he retaliates, maybe files for bankruptcy to not pay chiold support, can he do that legally? He is the kind of guy who keys cars to the metal if they bump his when they park - have seen this on a few occasions and I think it's really wrong. But he has to get back at people bigger when he's wronged.
I have found websites: porn, phoenix, ashleymadison site (married people cheating), findabbwlover site, bbw escorts (he likes bbws). I found cookies for these in our computer and saved the info. I don't know if he cheated, but it seems like he was looking to. He doesn't have any friends and is mostly with me.
I am about to have weight loss surgery soon to lose weight and get rid of my Diabetes. He doesn't really support it because he says I'll get skinny and chase guys. He certainly wasn't my first and I have never had guy issues, and I can see him having a concern but that and other things he's said and done show me he has never trusted me. I left my ex-boyfriend when I met him. So I've been accused of cheating with my ex, too and that was completely false.
I'm nervous what to do here and really need advice, please!
My husband has a short temper, and SO much negativity and I believe personal issues that make him seem angry or miserable to a lot of people. A LOT. My issue is that I don't like how he talks to or deals with our son. If he acts up, hubby's quick temper has him yelling right away and sometimes hit or hold my son down depending on what the little guy is doing. He says really mean things in anger, for example: 'i'll lock you in the closet' or 'i'll put you in the trunk' or 'f*ck you' (when he was just 1 in the crib he said this to our son). These are just a few. He calls him names all the time: crybaby, a girl, calls him by a girl's name and calls him a 'f*cking little brat' to his face.
He has said that we're a burden, he acts like my son is a nuisance sometimes and it makes me angry. Then there are other times when he's really good to our son.
We don't really sit down and discuss issues. When this stuff happens, I step in to say something but he sees it as me undermining him so I stopped doing that, waited until we were alone and said my peace. He immediately gets defensive, says I'm perfect and supermom and I know everything. I am not like that at all - just told him to imagine being so small and someone standing over you so big yelling and looking that mad and you don't understand.
Bottom line is he doesn't see a problem, and will NOT go speak with a counselor because he won't spend the money to do so, even though insurance covers it. He will not go talk to a priest with me for free. This shows me that since he says there's no issue and won't go, he doesn't want to change his behaviors.
That being said, he has been acting nicer to our son, which is great. But in my head, I'm already detaching from him so much that I realize how different we really are. I know people see what I see from their comments - they see his angers, resentments, chip on his shoulder, negativity and feel unwelcome in our place because he doesn't want people over. I had a few girlfriends and sisters over to watch Sex and the City movie, and he would NOT go out - he made it known that he wasn't happy with people being there and the ladies I just met asked my friend if he is always so miserable.
Sex life is nil, and I have a physical issues so don't usually want to do it. But when we do, and it doesn't go well, he gets mad of course. But we met in June, married in September so it was a whirlwind. We got pregnant a month after we got married. He seemed happier back then, but now I feel like I can't be myself around him because he knocks down everything that's not like him. He is very stereotypical and has some racist opinions that I don't want him sharing with our son. I'm a much more accepting and live and let live person. I don't want my son not to play with kids who may have a gay parent - that type of thing.
I just feel like and have told him I'm not happy with this and if we can't work our issues out, there is no point in being together. So my point is this - what grounds do I divorce on?
Also he is trying to do debt consolidation and still looking for options, but has mentioned bankruptcy and I'll be damned before I do that. I have a good job, and I can get another one whether he likes that or not before we do that. I don't want to lose my car, it's in his name first.
If I file for divorce and he retaliates, maybe files for bankruptcy to not pay chiold support, can he do that legally? He is the kind of guy who keys cars to the metal if they bump his when they park - have seen this on a few occasions and I think it's really wrong. But he has to get back at people bigger when he's wronged.
I have found websites: porn, phoenix, ashleymadison site (married people cheating), findabbwlover site, bbw escorts (he likes bbws). I found cookies for these in our computer and saved the info. I don't know if he cheated, but it seems like he was looking to. He doesn't have any friends and is mostly with me.
I am about to have weight loss surgery soon to lose weight and get rid of my Diabetes. He doesn't really support it because he says I'll get skinny and chase guys. He certainly wasn't my first and I have never had guy issues, and I can see him having a concern but that and other things he's said and done show me he has never trusted me. I left my ex-boyfriend when I met him. So I've been accused of cheating with my ex, too and that was completely false.
I'm nervous what to do here and really need advice, please!
