Want a New Start

[nmillard]

I just want information for my younger sister. My sister got pregnant when she was 18 years old and got married the same year. Her husband is a dead beat boy who isn't willing to grow up and be the man and father he should be. They are both in college and she is the one bringing in the money as well as being the mother and father to their daughter. They've only been married two years and she knew she made a mistake when they married because of the baby. What I need to know is if the divorce goes through can she request for full and physical custody of their daughter with visitation only for the weekends? She's afraid that he would request for joint custody. Would she still get child support for their daughter even if he does not have a job right now?

 

[Duranie]

Dad certainly has rights to joint. What exactly is getting sole custody going to give her? It's in her best interest to try and work something out with Dad. Sure she can ask for sole but if Dad fights her and wants joint he may get it. Joint legal does not mean equal parenting time, just that he has some legal say on decisions made for the child.

 

[tndalexander]

The mom picked the dad to get pregnant by the child has the rights to both the parents. Trying to punish dad for not changing his spots is pointless. The dad has been the same person he has been and yet she still chose him to get her pregnant and then to marry. Do not blame the baby saying she married for the baby if this was true she would not try to stop or limit the father's seeing the child. This move will only hurt the child check out the stats of children who grow up with little or no contact with the father it is scary. It sounds like an attempt to punish dad for not changing into the man she wanted him to be. The courts almost always give joint physical and legal to both parents as it is a parents civil rights to have say over his/her children. The rights that protect one parent help protect the other. A young child will likely be left with the mom till older and then time will be divided more evenly. Trying to turn a child against the father is the worse thing you can do as right now there is only one remidy for a child that says I hate or do not want to see this parent and that is to take the child and give it to the hated parent with the other parent cut off from all contact even on the phone for at least one month. This is bonding time for the parent and child with out the interfearing of the ex and the family.
Think about the baby when making choices and do not think for a minute it is in a childs best interest to be kept from the other parent.

 

[mrsmoreland1]

I agree that yshe should give this father a chance at parenting, unless she feels that the child would not be well taken care of, therefore putting the child in harms way. If she files for custody first, then they both will see a jugde and he will decide who gets sole custody. He will also make a judgement, based on the situation, what times of the week would be the best for the father to have the child. But it will depend on who les first, at least in the state of oregon. After you file for full custody, the other parent cannot file for joint, unless it is agreed between both parents. As far as child supprt. once they get an open case on him, the child supprt will start rackin up. and eventually when he does get his pathetic sh*t togeter, then he will have to start paying that back. But this all boils down to the mistake that your sister made by consiously getting pregnant by this loser and then finaling it with marriage. Trail and error can be a major slap in the face for some individuals. I don't believe in divorce. No matter how much of a dead beat this guy is. Maybe she should try to seperate from him for awhile and give her husband an altimadem. Let him know how serios she is . Because a jugde is going to look at all of these things. He will make a decision based on who the child will be better off with, when it comes to full custody. Deadbeats sometimes dont have a leg to stand on. I encourage your young sister to stay strong and stand her grounds. She knew very well what kind of a young man he was. Maybe there is hope for him. Maybe if he is faced with the option of losing his wife and then custody rights to his child in court, it very well may be the thing he needs to put effort into this marraige and child. If not than he probably doesnt care . And he most likely wont stand a chance in court. But i dont recomending for her to abuse he control, but to make her main focus the well being of the child. He should be allowed some rights to the child if he cares to have any. These can be very tough situations. Sometimes people let there emotions get the best of the, and they make decisions based on anger or resentment, and not what important. Good luck. And be supportive to her. Try not to encourage her to take action out of revenge for being a loser.

 

[mrsmoreland1]

one more thing... when i say give him choices to make a change, I definatly dont mean " to threaten him", men don't usually react well to threats. You want him to make valid decisions based on what he wants from all of this, if he wants to work things out or not. If he feels threatened he could very well make irrasional decisions, leading to a chain reaction of bad thing that could come from evryone. Just be supportive and have her give him options. Maybe deep down she woul;d like to try and work things out. Maybe she has made it too easy for him to do nothing all of the time. I did that for many years. But some people never change. Why not try and see what they both would like. Make rational decisions.... not threats.