visitation

[creek88]

my wife and i have been seperated for a month and will be divorced in about another month. from the time of our seperation me wife has refused to let me see the kids or refused to give me extra time with them on 5 occasions . when she goes out with her friends she will not call me to look after the kids. today i am off work early and she is going to be in 3 docter appts today (with her mother) and will not let me look after the kids today. all day the kids will be in a mini van or a doctors office , when i could be looking after them.i dont have a drug problem , drinking problem or ever hurt my wife or kids so i dont see the problem in them seeing me a little more when i ask , i feel the need me.

my wife asked for divorce when i lost my job and we didnt have as much money as she was used to. my wife is sick all the time and always going to DR appt or the emergency room. ( i think most these problems are in her head) she lives with her parents and sleeps on the couch most the time while her mother takes care of the 2 kids. she told me she would never keep the kids from me but im starting to not beleive her.

i would ask for joint custody when we go to court but i lost my home when we seperated. our home was owned by her parents. i have been staying with a friend since all this has happened and been keeping the kids at my mothers on my weekends.

what are my chances of getting custody/joint custody in the future when i have a more stable home and job again. my wife has alot of problems and i am worried sick about my 2 children , i love them so much. my girl is 2 yrs and my boy is 9 Ms

thank you for your help

 

[Duranie]

You should ask for joint custody NOW and a sat visitation schedule. You need to look out for you and your kids best interest. Do you have an attorney? Does she? It is easier to request joint custody now then going back, or at least get frequent specific visitation. do not let mom decide when you get to see your kids. You can also ask for first right of refusal like if mom is going toe be gone for 4 hours or more, you get first dibs on the kids.
By the way you do not have to move out of the marital home until the courts tell you too, regardless if her parents own it or not. they still need to go through legal eviction procedures.

you need to grow a backbone to your wife and get set visits.

 

[creek88]

so i should ask for joint custody even though i know there is absoulutely no chance that i could get it. it doesnt make since to me . i fealt my chances would be better in the future when my home and career were more stable. the reason i am not asking now is cause all my money is going toward a new home and i cant afford a lawyer.

i will not start a fight with my wife and her family over the home we used to live in , its not my home , i dont own it . i dont see the point in that other than making problems .all i care about is my kids and not getting back at my wife or making trouble. i was not brought up to make things dificult for others when i didnt have to . i will not put my children through more fighting.

i did get a back bone and ask for more time and i dont appreciate the name calling.we have not been to court yet so no visitation has been set . i did not think it was wise to start any unnecesery fights with my wife over the kids before we went to court . i am trying to work most of this out(visitation) with my wife and not the courts. i do know that a custody fight can drag out for ever and is not in best intreste for the kids . in my opinion whats in best intrest for them is for my wife and i to try to work these things out with as little fighting as possible.

i try and see my kids every evening at my wifes parents home with my wife and her mother watching over me critisizing everything i do. its tough but at least i get to see the kids a short time and hug there necks b4 bed.

 

[irish223]

Joint custody doesn't mean that you will have the children 50% of the time. You can have a traditional visitation plan that is still considered joint. Also, there is joint physical and joint legal. Joint legal gives you rights to shared decision-making, and it is now the standard order in most states.

If you settle for allowing your wife to have sole physical and legal custody now, it will be very difficult to change that in the future. Judges don't consider your wants and needs when changing custody. They consider the children's best interests, and will want know what has changed that would warrant changing the children's lives and routines.

Do what you want, but you should be thinking in terms of fighting for your children, not fighting with your wife. Don't you think they deserve to have you in their lives? If you do, then you have to preserve your time with them whether your wife and in-laws like it or not.

 

[creek88]

my wife has already agreed to joint legal custody and to give me 2 more nights a week. i aasked for her to agree to this with me so there would not be a nasty custody fight. she will not agree to joint physical custody .

i can ask a judge for joint physical custody but am sure i wont get it.

with what i mentioned about my wife what are my chances of joint physical custody in the future ? i dont want to hurt my wife but i am only doing what is best for my kids

thanks for the help

 

[irish223]

my wife has already agreed to joint legal custody and to give me 2 more nights a week. i aasked for her to agree to this with me so there would not be a nasty custody fight. she will not agree to joint physical custody .

i can ask a judge for joint physical custody but am sure i wont get it.

Okay, well it never hurts to ask.

with what i mentioned about my wife what are my chances of joint physical custody in the future ?

I'm not sure what you mean about the bolded part, but if you mean that she has lots of problems, then you should know that if she gets sole physical custody now, you cannot use that as a reason to change custody in the future. Why? Because if she's fine enough to care for the children now, that's not a reason for custody to change in the future. Furthermore, you will have to prove a change in circumstance that affects the children's best interests in order to change custody in the future.

 

[irish223]

You also need to get to court for temporary orders ASAP.

 

[Duranie]

If she has offered joint legal with a set visitation schedule then you can take it. Joint custody does not mean 50/50 parenting time. Joint legal means you do have some rights in decision making for the child like medical, schooling, etc..

Also you need to make sure you get holidays and birthdays, fathers day worked out. Make sure it is specific so she cannot play games with you. you really need to go through a calendar and make sure you get the kids either alternate every other holiday or split each holiday in half. Make sure pick ups and drops offs are specific.

 

[creek88]

Okay, well it never hurts to ask.


I'm not sure what you mean about the bolded part, but if you mean that she has lots of problems, then you should know that if she gets sole physical custody now, you cannot use that as a reason to change custody in the future. Why? Because if she's fine enough to care for the children now, that's not a reason for custody to change in the future. Furthermore, you will have to prove a change in circumstance that affects the children's best interests in order to change custody in the future.

"my wife is sick all the time and always going to Dr. appts or the emergency room. ( i think most these problems are in her head) she lives with her parents and sleeps on the couch most the time while her mother takes care of the 2 kids"

my wife is on disability (mental health) she cannot care for the kids with out the help of her mother.

 

[creek88]

i red this on a free legal advice site :

"Can custody rights be modified?

Absolutely. You can go back to court to change a custody order if there is a substantial change of circumstance that has a significant, adverse effect on the child (such as visitation problems, erratic behavior, relocation and impact on child-parent relationship, change in employment, residence, or marital status). Because we live in a highly mobile society, it is strongly recommended that you periodically evaluate the parenting plan. The courts recognize that many factors (such as, children's age, relationship with both parents, the parents' relationship, the wishes of the children) can be altered over a period following divorce and, though reluctant to change the parenting custody plan, the courts will do so if it is clearly necessary and in the best interest of the child."

i dont think i would be granted joint physical custody when we go to court . i lost my job last year and the job i am at now does not pay as well . i dont have the financial means to support the kids. also my new home is small and only a 2 bedroom. i will ask for joint physical custody but if i dont get it and there is a substantial change in my home , job and finances what are the chances of me getting joint physical custody in the future.

 

[irish223]

i red this on a free legal advice site :

"Can custody rights be modified?

Absolutely. You can go back to court to change a custody order if there is a substantial change of circumstance that has a significant, adverse effect on the child (such as visitation problems, erratic behavior, relocation and impact on child-parent relationship, change in employment, residence, or marital status). Because we live in a highly mobile society, it is strongly recommended that you periodically evaluate the parenting plan. The courts recognize that many factors (such as, children's age, relationship with both parents, the parents' relationship, the wishes of the children) can be altered over a period following divorce and, though reluctant to change the parenting custody plan, the courts will do so if it is clearly necessary and in the best interest of the child."

i dont think i would be granted joint physical custody when we go to court . i lost my job last year and the job i am at now does not pay as well . i dont have the financial means to support the kids. also my new home is small and only a 2 bedroom. i will ask for joint physical custody but if i dont get it and there is a substantial change in my home , job and finances what are the chances of me getting joint physical custody in the future.

No one can predict your chances; however, the bolded part above is the important part. Let me reiterate:

You can go back to court to change a custody order if there is a substantial change of circumstance that has a significant, adverse effect on the child.

How will an improvement in YOUR living situation have an adverse effect on the children? Plus, if your wife is suitable to care for your children now, then she will be considered just as suitable when your finances improve as long as SHE hasn't had a substantial change in circumstance that has a significant, adverse effect on the children.