I've got some kind of strange issues going on. Well, maybe not to you all since you've probably heard it all.
The divorce has not been an amicable one. It started out that way but the new stepmom has made it a mission to see that it didn't remain that way. Before they got married (but were living together), she banend two of the kids from her house. Since that time, only the littlest has been going on visitation. When she was younger, she would kick and scream and hold onto me for dear life. She didn't want to go. She was once brought home in tears mere hours after being picked up because she was "disrespectful" to her father for mentioning me and for saying she missed me. She was told that she wasn't allowed to come back until she called and said she wanted to. That was when she was six. She didn't call and, after six weeks, her father finally called and told her he was picking her up again.
I put that in to show the kinds of people I'm dealing with.
Anyway, she's 12 now. The visitation has never been fully exercised. His current job involves working every weekend at night so he doesn't pick her up. When she's off school on his nights off, he might pick her up. Otherwise, he doesn't generally even call her to visit.
My current issues:
1) She has been ordered to call him every Sunday. This is a long distance call and I do not feel it is up to her to call, her father should be calling her (petty, I know, but that's the way I feel). I've told her that if she thinks of it, she is more than welcome to give her dad a call whenever she feels like it unless it is during a week day when the rates are higher. She never thinks of it then gets yelled at for not calling.
2) He doesn't give advance notice when he's going to pick her up but expects us to rearrange our schedule to suit him.
3) He has the school calendar and still feels I should call him and let him know when she is off school. I feel this is his responsibility.
4) Friday, he picked her up from latch key for a few hours without telling me. He left a message on my home phone during a time I would be at work.
5) She is on medication and insists that when he does pick her up, that it be done when I am not at home to hand over the medication. It is not something she can take with her to school or to latchkey and it is important that she takes it every day.
6) He and his wife are making disparaging remarks about me, including regarding the clothes I've purchased for her and whether she needs shoes or not. This is despite the fact that he kept switching jobs and got over six months behind in child support and I am just recuperating from that financial difficulty.
7) He is not paying the medical copayments and owes several thousand for that. My daughter is diagnosed with ADHD and he and his wife disparage the treatment for that and tells her she doesn't need the medication.
I have full legal and physical custody (because he actually stated in court that he refused to discuss anything with me) and his wife makes all decisions regarding when he sees his children, whether child support gets paid (unless it is withheld from his paycheck) and whether the medical gets paid, etc. Even his lawyer consults with her and not with him.
My daughter is not interested in going to his house to visit. She wants to be aware of when she's going to be picked up before the fact. She also, when she does go out there, desire some privacy (currently, the room she stays in is their home office and that makes her feel uncomfortable and as if she is not really a part of the family there). She also is uncomfortable with the things they say about me. Additionally, at 12 years old, she feels she is far too old to take a nap and is forced to take one when she goes out there. She loves her father but is uncomfortable with the entire situation.
Does she have the right, at 12 years old, to refuse to go with him? If he shows up again to pick her up from school or latchkey, can she insist to talk to me before going with him? Can I make that stipulation (that the school or latchkey call me if I haven't given them prior notice that she will be picked up by him)? Can I insist he wait to pick her up for an overnight visit until the actual pick up time?
I am fully aware that, even if he doesn't share legal custody, he still is her father and I believe that a child needs a father. This entire situation is making me sick and I'm really tired of dealing with it. At least the harassing letters have stopped but I still feel emotionally abused by these two people and I feel that my daughter is being emotionally abused and manipulated. I never stop my daughter from talking about her father and the same should be true of him. I also feel it is the father's responsibility to maintain contact and that that is too much pressure to put on a child.
The divorce has not been an amicable one. It started out that way but the new stepmom has made it a mission to see that it didn't remain that way. Before they got married (but were living together), she banend two of the kids from her house. Since that time, only the littlest has been going on visitation. When she was younger, she would kick and scream and hold onto me for dear life. She didn't want to go. She was once brought home in tears mere hours after being picked up because she was "disrespectful" to her father for mentioning me and for saying she missed me. She was told that she wasn't allowed to come back until she called and said she wanted to. That was when she was six. She didn't call and, after six weeks, her father finally called and told her he was picking her up again.
I put that in to show the kinds of people I'm dealing with.
Anyway, she's 12 now. The visitation has never been fully exercised. His current job involves working every weekend at night so he doesn't pick her up. When she's off school on his nights off, he might pick her up. Otherwise, he doesn't generally even call her to visit.
My current issues:
1) She has been ordered to call him every Sunday. This is a long distance call and I do not feel it is up to her to call, her father should be calling her (petty, I know, but that's the way I feel). I've told her that if she thinks of it, she is more than welcome to give her dad a call whenever she feels like it unless it is during a week day when the rates are higher. She never thinks of it then gets yelled at for not calling.
2) He doesn't give advance notice when he's going to pick her up but expects us to rearrange our schedule to suit him.
3) He has the school calendar and still feels I should call him and let him know when she is off school. I feel this is his responsibility.
4) Friday, he picked her up from latch key for a few hours without telling me. He left a message on my home phone during a time I would be at work.
5) She is on medication and insists that when he does pick her up, that it be done when I am not at home to hand over the medication. It is not something she can take with her to school or to latchkey and it is important that she takes it every day.
6) He and his wife are making disparaging remarks about me, including regarding the clothes I've purchased for her and whether she needs shoes or not. This is despite the fact that he kept switching jobs and got over six months behind in child support and I am just recuperating from that financial difficulty.
7) He is not paying the medical copayments and owes several thousand for that. My daughter is diagnosed with ADHD and he and his wife disparage the treatment for that and tells her she doesn't need the medication.
I have full legal and physical custody (because he actually stated in court that he refused to discuss anything with me) and his wife makes all decisions regarding when he sees his children, whether child support gets paid (unless it is withheld from his paycheck) and whether the medical gets paid, etc. Even his lawyer consults with her and not with him.
My daughter is not interested in going to his house to visit. She wants to be aware of when she's going to be picked up before the fact. She also, when she does go out there, desire some privacy (currently, the room she stays in is their home office and that makes her feel uncomfortable and as if she is not really a part of the family there). She also is uncomfortable with the things they say about me. Additionally, at 12 years old, she feels she is far too old to take a nap and is forced to take one when she goes out there. She loves her father but is uncomfortable with the entire situation.
Does she have the right, at 12 years old, to refuse to go with him? If he shows up again to pick her up from school or latchkey, can she insist to talk to me before going with him? Can I make that stipulation (that the school or latchkey call me if I haven't given them prior notice that she will be picked up by him)? Can I insist he wait to pick her up for an overnight visit until the actual pick up time?
I am fully aware that, even if he doesn't share legal custody, he still is her father and I believe that a child needs a father. This entire situation is making me sick and I'm really tired of dealing with it. At least the harassing letters have stopped but I still feel emotionally abused by these two people and I feel that my daughter is being emotionally abused and manipulated. I never stop my daughter from talking about her father and the same should be true of him. I also feel it is the father's responsibility to maintain contact and that that is too much pressure to put on a child.
