Switching Custody

[kkamran1010]

My jurisdiction is: Virginia/united states

Hello, My names Kamran and im 16 and i currently live in virginia of the United States

Problem: as i was growing up, i never really saw my father ever he was always to busy, or so he said. But recently hes been showing alot of attention towards me as his son ive been visiting every other weekend, and ive really been eating this luxury up because i never experienced it as a child. But a have a problem, i love my mom, alot and never want to hurt her, and she is an extremely jealious parent and i understand that. And ive been trying to talk 2 her about moving to my dads for a year to spend some good quality time with my father and be with him and my Step Bros/sister but my mom is a really smart women, and she says it wont work that way, you cant just come back whenever you want to, its an either or thing. You either go there an stay there til your 18 or you dont go at all, and im just trying to comfirm this, and maybe get some insight on the situation, if any of you kind people have any suggestion or anything that would help me out or any legal way for me to be with him for a year and come back to my mother without a long hasle that would be great, Thanks

Kamran

 

[Fugitive]

I believe, operative word believe, that it is NOT either-or. If legal custody paperwork is filed & contested, with what SEEMS to require a new school, traveling, etc. The court may order that you be in one place or the other BUT...

I think there are a few things going on here:
- It is a big deal to up & move to another household, change schools, etc. I think your mom is thinking about your well being. If your Dad was too busy for you up until now, perhaps she is afraid that it will happen again. It is obvious that you've were aware of this lack of interest before & suffered the disappointment. Your Mom was feeling that hurt too. Maybe she is being cautious. Switching Custody is a HUGE step. I think that you should think about a lot of things first.
- To some degree you may have idealized him for all of these years in his absence, now he finally has time for you AND you have brothers & sisters. It's new & exciting. That's great, but will it be everything you always dreamed it to be when you move in & the day to day minutia kicks in? AND NOW, for the first time in your life, your Mom's not there.

This is just what I see. But you know there is something that you can do. Rather than jumping in with both feet, take it slow. Plan some weekend visits maybe they will become regular. Perhaps some time in the summer.

This will give you time to get to know your Dad & your half-sibling with out abandoning your Mom (you may not mean to "abandon" her but maybe a little bit of her feels kinda kicked to the curb after all that she has given to you. I think she will also feel better about you. She's protective as all us Moms are & she doesn't want to see you hurt again. When she sees you and your Dad together for regular visit & witnesses a growing relationship, I'm sure that she will feel better.

I really don't think your Mom is jealous. I think she doesn't trust your Dad & rightly so. For years she watched him break your heart & that broke hers. She loves you more than anything else in this world. She wants the best for you. You can certainly have a Dad & brothers & sisters too. Just don't forget who has been there each and every day since the very beginning!

Good Luck Kamran!

Namasté

Fugitive