I have joint legal and physical custody of my three daughters, ages 11, 13 and 17, with my ex wife. In November 2008, she met a man online. They were engaged by December, living together by January, and married by April. Before the wedding I ran a background check on him. It came back with over a dozen arrests spanning the last decade, ranging from multiple DUI's, driving without a license, domestic assault, robbery, etc. I was concerned, but after meeting him, this seemed to be a man who had gotten his life on track. He said he was a recovering alcoholic who had been sober since 2004. He said he had a great job that he'd had for 5 months , had a great relationship with his ex wife (a former Miss VA beauty pageant winner) and his three children in Virginia and was current on his child support. He said that he had no criminal record in any other states. He led me to believe that his past was in the past.
A few weeks after meeting him, he lost his job, claiming he'd been "laid off" because of the economy.
I started noticing that things weren't quite right pretty soon after meeting him. He was controlling and aggressive with me and my wife, but kept it well hidden from my ex. One by one he was pushing her friends out of her life for one reason or another... he didn't like one, or another one wasn't good enough for her, etc. She thought he hung the moon, so talking to her about it was futile. But then he threatened to tell the kids that we didn't want them at our house anymore if we didn't agree to keep them one afternoon during my ex wife's parenting time. After that, my wife and I began researching him, and it wasn't long before we stumbled upon a message board where a woman in VA was looking for her ex husband who owed over $50,000 in arrears. His first, middle and last name matched, as well as other identifying information.
A week later, through Facebook, we were able to track the ex wife down. She said that he had paid child support sporadically throughout the years, rarely held down a job for more than a few months, and that he had virtually no contact with their children for years until the last few months. She said that he was a raging alcoholic and very abusive, physically and verbally, when he was drinking. Oh, and she was never in any beauty pageants. He had made all of that up!
She gave us the phone number of an ex fiance, who was furious when she found out he had gotten married- because they were still dating! She ended up calling my ex wife and telling her about their relationship. For a time we thought the short lived marriage was over, but my ex took him back, telling everyone that he is just "so good looking" and she didn't want to be alone.
Ever since then, he has had it out for me and my wife for "exposing" his true self. He has been ranting and posting vicious things online on messageboards about us. In one particular post, he even insulted our four year old daughter. My ex has stuck her head in the sand and says "it's just words" and for us to get over it. He's also been attacking his ex wife online, event tried to get her fired by sending annonymous emails to a local paper that she was embezzling from her workplace (she wasn't even employed there anymore) and as a result his biological children, who are college age, refuse to have anything to do with him. Of course, he blames us for that, too.
He was unemployed from February til July. It wasn't until the last few weeks that he even found a job- selling insurance for his dad. His ex wife told us that when he lived in VA, he sold insurance, and he was fired for cashing the checks from customers but not giving them their policies.
Not long ago, we discovered that he had profiles on practically every free dating website available, including ones where married people can go to find flings. We printed everything out and presented it to my ex, trying to convince her that he is not who she thinks he is. She kicked him out a week later.
While he was in the motel, he fell off the wagon and started drinking again. He posted VICIOUS things online, which were immediately removed by the message board moderator because of their content. He sent emails to my ex calling her a "stupid whore" among other insults. He contacted two ex girlfriends (including the one who had called my ex in April) to initiate sex. He sent numerous emails to women online, asking them to hook up. He had exchanged some X-rated instant messages with another woman. Unfortunately, all of this was witnessed by my 17 year old daughter, who was sitting with her mom when she was discovering these things online.
My ex found out that he was not "laid off" back in February like he claimed. He had been fired for looking at pornography on the computer at work. Lies, lies, lies. Everything he has told her is a lie. He also has a criminal record in Virginia and Louisiana, including domestic assault. He's been arrested for beating up nearly every girlfriend/fiancee he's ever had.
After kicking him out, my ex found empty beer cans hidden outside and booze hidden in the house. It turns out he had been drinking even before she kicked him out. He has sent her emails apologizing and saying that he is a sex addict because he had such low self esteem. He says that he is a "deviant" and doesn't deserve to live. He says that he has traded his alcohol and cocaine addiction for sex, and that he needs help. My ex shared these emails with me, and I have copies.
My daughter is disgusted and furious with him and wants nothing to do with him. My two younger daughters know that something is going on, but thankfully they don't know the details.
Everyone in my ex's life is telling her that he's no good and to get rid of him- her best friend, her mother, her sister, her coworkers, me, even her therapist! Her therapist refuses to meet with him- she called him a "narcissistic sociopath". But my ex has decided to forgive him and work things out. She says that she thinks he can change with her help. She claims that they are going to have a one year trial separation, and in that time he has to prove to her that he has changed. This was one week ago, and my daughters are with me right now (we have 50/50 visitation).
My 17 year old called me at 11pm the other night, distraught. She was upset because her mom was spending every waking moment talking to or texting him, and they got into a big fight over it. She wanted me to come get her, so I did, with her mothers permission. She was supposed to meet her mom for lunch the next day to talk things out, but her mom canceled. They rescheduled it for yesterday, but she canceled again. Last night at 2am his car was in her driveway. My ex had blown off her own daughter to spend the night with him.
I don't want this man around my children. I fear it's only a matter of time before he is back in their tiny house with my daughters. I don't trust him and I am genuinely worried about their well being. I don't want to take the girls away from their mom, that's not my goal, but the idea of him being around my girls terrifies me. He is an admitted pathological liar, sex addict, alcoholic and drug user. He has never hit my ex wife or been abusive to the girls, but last week when he started drinking, he became incredibly verbally abusive to my ex, calling her names, yelling, etc. My ex claims that he is not going to be around the kids for a long time, but my ex isn't the best at keeping her word. I suspect that he will be back in the house full time within the week.
Do I have any grounds to file a petition requesting that our children cannot be around him? My 17 year old is adamant that she does not want him around, but I also know and understand that she loves her mom and is terrified that I am going to take her away from her. I don't think, if push comes to shove, that she will want to testify against her mom, and I don't want to put her through that! I don't want to take them away from their mom- I just want to keep them away from HIM. What are my options, if any, in this situation?
Sorry so lengthy, I wanted to give as many details as possible.
A few weeks after meeting him, he lost his job, claiming he'd been "laid off" because of the economy.
I started noticing that things weren't quite right pretty soon after meeting him. He was controlling and aggressive with me and my wife, but kept it well hidden from my ex. One by one he was pushing her friends out of her life for one reason or another... he didn't like one, or another one wasn't good enough for her, etc. She thought he hung the moon, so talking to her about it was futile. But then he threatened to tell the kids that we didn't want them at our house anymore if we didn't agree to keep them one afternoon during my ex wife's parenting time. After that, my wife and I began researching him, and it wasn't long before we stumbled upon a message board where a woman in VA was looking for her ex husband who owed over $50,000 in arrears. His first, middle and last name matched, as well as other identifying information.
A week later, through Facebook, we were able to track the ex wife down. She said that he had paid child support sporadically throughout the years, rarely held down a job for more than a few months, and that he had virtually no contact with their children for years until the last few months. She said that he was a raging alcoholic and very abusive, physically and verbally, when he was drinking. Oh, and she was never in any beauty pageants. He had made all of that up!
She gave us the phone number of an ex fiance, who was furious when she found out he had gotten married- because they were still dating! She ended up calling my ex wife and telling her about their relationship. For a time we thought the short lived marriage was over, but my ex took him back, telling everyone that he is just "so good looking" and she didn't want to be alone.
Ever since then, he has had it out for me and my wife for "exposing" his true self. He has been ranting and posting vicious things online on messageboards about us. In one particular post, he even insulted our four year old daughter. My ex has stuck her head in the sand and says "it's just words" and for us to get over it. He's also been attacking his ex wife online, event tried to get her fired by sending annonymous emails to a local paper that she was embezzling from her workplace (she wasn't even employed there anymore) and as a result his biological children, who are college age, refuse to have anything to do with him. Of course, he blames us for that, too.
He was unemployed from February til July. It wasn't until the last few weeks that he even found a job- selling insurance for his dad. His ex wife told us that when he lived in VA, he sold insurance, and he was fired for cashing the checks from customers but not giving them their policies.
Not long ago, we discovered that he had profiles on practically every free dating website available, including ones where married people can go to find flings. We printed everything out and presented it to my ex, trying to convince her that he is not who she thinks he is. She kicked him out a week later.
While he was in the motel, he fell off the wagon and started drinking again. He posted VICIOUS things online, which were immediately removed by the message board moderator because of their content. He sent emails to my ex calling her a "stupid whore" among other insults. He contacted two ex girlfriends (including the one who had called my ex in April) to initiate sex. He sent numerous emails to women online, asking them to hook up. He had exchanged some X-rated instant messages with another woman. Unfortunately, all of this was witnessed by my 17 year old daughter, who was sitting with her mom when she was discovering these things online.
My ex found out that he was not "laid off" back in February like he claimed. He had been fired for looking at pornography on the computer at work. Lies, lies, lies. Everything he has told her is a lie. He also has a criminal record in Virginia and Louisiana, including domestic assault. He's been arrested for beating up nearly every girlfriend/fiancee he's ever had.
After kicking him out, my ex found empty beer cans hidden outside and booze hidden in the house. It turns out he had been drinking even before she kicked him out. He has sent her emails apologizing and saying that he is a sex addict because he had such low self esteem. He says that he is a "deviant" and doesn't deserve to live. He says that he has traded his alcohol and cocaine addiction for sex, and that he needs help. My ex shared these emails with me, and I have copies.
My daughter is disgusted and furious with him and wants nothing to do with him. My two younger daughters know that something is going on, but thankfully they don't know the details.
Everyone in my ex's life is telling her that he's no good and to get rid of him- her best friend, her mother, her sister, her coworkers, me, even her therapist! Her therapist refuses to meet with him- she called him a "narcissistic sociopath". But my ex has decided to forgive him and work things out. She says that she thinks he can change with her help. She claims that they are going to have a one year trial separation, and in that time he has to prove to her that he has changed. This was one week ago, and my daughters are with me right now (we have 50/50 visitation).
My 17 year old called me at 11pm the other night, distraught. She was upset because her mom was spending every waking moment talking to or texting him, and they got into a big fight over it. She wanted me to come get her, so I did, with her mothers permission. She was supposed to meet her mom for lunch the next day to talk things out, but her mom canceled. They rescheduled it for yesterday, but she canceled again. Last night at 2am his car was in her driveway. My ex had blown off her own daughter to spend the night with him.
I don't want this man around my children. I fear it's only a matter of time before he is back in their tiny house with my daughters. I don't trust him and I am genuinely worried about their well being. I don't want to take the girls away from their mom, that's not my goal, but the idea of him being around my girls terrifies me. He is an admitted pathological liar, sex addict, alcoholic and drug user. He has never hit my ex wife or been abusive to the girls, but last week when he started drinking, he became incredibly verbally abusive to my ex, calling her names, yelling, etc. My ex claims that he is not going to be around the kids for a long time, but my ex isn't the best at keeping her word. I suspect that he will be back in the house full time within the week.
Do I have any grounds to file a petition requesting that our children cannot be around him? My 17 year old is adamant that she does not want him around, but I also know and understand that she loves her mom and is terrified that I am going to take her away from her. I don't think, if push comes to shove, that she will want to testify against her mom, and I don't want to put her through that! I don't want to take them away from their mom- I just want to keep them away from HIM. What are my options, if any, in this situation?
Sorry so lengthy, I wanted to give as many details as possible.
