step-parent adoption for woman

[mom2b]

I am a woman trying to adopt my step-daughter who was abandoned by her mother when she was 4 which was 6 years ago. Only since I have filed the petition to adopt has this woman wanted her visitations re-instated but she still hasn't made an effort to see her. I have hired an attny & he has met with the 'bio-mom' once for a deposition & it is very clear she has depression & anxiety issues & has been in & out of trouble with the law for 5 years. She doesn't have a job & neither does her husband & they live with his mother who is taking care of the 2 of them & their toddler son. She asked to leave the 1st depo after 2 hours b/c she was too upset to finish & promised to come back for another. The last depo my attny was supposed to have, the bio-mom didn't show up. My attny called her @ home & her mother in-law said she was very depressed but she was supposed to be on her way. They waited for over 30 minutes & she never showed up so my attny called back AGAIN & re-scheduled & her mother in-law would make sure she was there the next time. He said it is his job to make every effort to get a complete depo but did he step over the line here? We are trying to prove this woman isn't stable enough to take care of the kid & she doesn't show up to fight because she's too depressed & can't make herself get off the bus?!? Not only amy I questioning if he crossed the line but also...he is not going to use the fact that she didn't show up for her last depo. He said it wouldn't help, she was 'sick' and a judge won't care that she didn't show up. I can't believe this 'won't help' in an 'abandonment-step-parent' adoption case. He said he plans to seek out as many depo's that he can because he's building the case. I think he feels sorry for this woman. I told him that & he said a judge would want us to feel sorry for her because it makes us look more like a loving & understanding family. Please, anyone who thinks anything about this case, please give me feed-back. Our first trial is in 5 days & I really feel I am being mis-led by my own representation. Is there anything I can do?

 

[WhirledPeas]

Sounding like an uncaring, somewhat angry step mother isn't going to help a judge to decide that it's in the girl's best interest to have her mother obliterated from her childhood. There's still a possibility that mom might recover enough to have some sort of meaningful relationship as her daughter grows older. You hired your attorney because he has experience in these areas. Nothing you've said raises any red flags with me.

Also, referring to her as "bio-mom" just makes you sound catty. She's a person. She's still the legal mother. She didn't ask to be mentally ill. It may concern a judge that you're rather unsympathetic towards mom who has depression, often a hereditary illness. The judge may think you'll be just as unsympathetic when/if the girl starts exhibiting symptoms herself at some point.

 

[mom2b]

I hardly think calling this woman the 'bio-mom' is inappropriate or catty. She left her daughter for 6 years & chose drugs & alcohol instead of her daughter. She brought a person into the world whom I've chosen to take care of for the past 4 years & she hasn't wanted anything to do with her for 6 years until she found out I wanted to adopt her. Never a call, a letter or a knock on the door and I live in her old house with my husband & we have the same phone number. We all have circumstances from life to learn & grow from but when you bring a person into the world and you feel depressed, you can't just walk away & not show up. You do what you need to do to get help.