signing over parental rights...who gets custody?

[shadowofluxor]

OK this whole story is very complicated but I will try to make it a little easier. My husbands ex-girlfriend had gotten pregnant in 2004 and told him it wasn't his child. A year and a half later she requested a paternity test saying it was and the test proved it. Before my husband could even get a grasp on what had just happened she turned the child over to my father in law who went to court and got custody. After many attempts to gain custody ourselves we found out that in NJ, once custody has been established, you do not have to prove a change in YOUR circumstances making you better able to care for the child in order to gain custody, you have to prove a change in the custodians circumstances that make them unfit.

Now let us fast forwrad a few years to the current situation. My husband, myself. and our 2 children moved into my father in laws house with him and my step-daughter. I am a stay at home mom who provides full care of the child including cooking all of her meals while my father in law works. The childs mother has bounced in and out of her life for the last few years making it very hard on her. After discussing this with the mother she has decided that she feels it is in the childs best interest if she signs over parental rights and allows me to adopt her. When I spoke with my father in law he said there was no way he was going to allow her to get away from her obligations. He wants the child support to haunt her for the rest of her life.

Now to my questions...1) Does he have the authority to stop the adoption since he is the one with custody or does that decision lie on the natural parents? 2) If he doesn't have the authority and the adoption does take place, would that change the custody order now that I am her mother or would he still retain custody and I would just take over the child support?

I know it's very confusing but even though we are living with him he still will not give us custody. He said he is afraid that the only reason we moved in was to get custody and then run away with her. That is not at all our intention, we needed a place to live.

 

[Proserpina]

1. He can object to the adoption, yes. Whether the court would rule in his favor is anybody's guess.

2. If the adoption went ahead, he would have no further rights to custody or anything else. You would be the child's parent and you and Dad would have full rights to decide matters relating to the child.


I think you really need to sit down with a local adoption attorney. While generally a stepparent adoption wherein the biological parent is in full agreement is relatively simple, your case is complicated by the fact that Grandpa has been the de facto parent to this child for most of her life.

Furthermore the courts in NJ have apparently decided that it's not in her best interest to be removed from the Grandpa's custody - because generally, your husband's rights would automatically trump Grandpa's rights and he shouldn't have had too much trouble getting custody.

 

[shadowofluxor]

The judge told us at our last court appearance that if it wasn't for the statute in this state saying that once custody is established you need to prove a change in circumstance where the child resides, he would give us custody.

 

[mightymoose]

I agree... something doesn't sound quite right. The father should not have had much difficulty getting the child back from the grandfather. He either did not pursue it, was misinformed, or misunderstood something.

If the adoption takes place grandpa is pretty much SOL... and his reason for obstructing the adoption won't hold up.

 

[shadowofluxor]

If the adoption takes place grandpa is pretty much SOL... and his reason for obstructing the adoption won't hold up.

Does that mean that if the adoption takes place he will lose custody or that I would just take over her child support responsibility? If her father was the one with custody I know it would change it because he would no longer have legal right to her but since it's my husbands father I don't know if it would change it.

 

[mightymoose]

If the adoption took place you would essentially be that child's parent. Adoption includes custody and all the responsibilities that come with it. Grandpa would no longer have any say-so... no more than you allow him anyway.

 

[Proserpina]

OP, when a third party has custody a change in circumstance is not always necessary when the actual parent is requesting custody of their own child.

The parent has constitutionally-protected rights - and generally, the courts are extremely reluctant to trample these rights unless the third party can show that the child's best interests lay with the status quo and the third party has become a "psychological parent" to the child.


That is what I believe has happened here.

I can see Grandpa fighting tooth and nail here and not even mentioning Mom at all; he's going to play that "psychological parent" angle to the Nth degree.

 

[shadowofluxor]

I agree that he will fight tooth and nail which is why I am trying to find out if there is a way around fighting him. We have been living with them for 5 months now and she knows that my husband and I are her parents. She knows that she has another mom but that she never comes when she says she will. We are trying to find out where we stand and what we can do to get this child back with her father and siblings, where she belongs. She is 5 years old and needs more normality than he can give her. He isn't married and is raising the child alone. Before we moved in she was spending 2-3 nights a week at the sitter due to his work schedule. Now that we are here she is under our care 24/7. He doesn't want to change custody because he doesn't want us to take her away from him. He says that he just wants to be a grandfather but he's not willing to let go. I appriciate everything he has done for her, and us for that matter, but sooner or later he has to accept that she has parents who love and want her. That is why we arre trying to do this. It finally seems like the light at the end of the tunnel but I don't want to do it if the only thing that happens is that I get charged child support.

 

[army judge]

OP, you require the services of a NJ attorney.
Yeah, it'll cost a pretty penny.
Yours isn't a one or two sentence answer.

So, here's what some people do.
Most attorneys will meet with you at no charge, initially.
This serves three purposes.
The attorney gets to learn about you and your legal problem.
You learn how much it will cost you to retain him/her.
Now, here's the best part for someone like yourself.
You can ask plenty of questions, much like the one's you asked here.
But, you have a real-time two way conversation.


You can take notes.
You can pick the lawyer's brain for 30 minutes or so, for free!

So what, you say?

Here's the what, OP.
You can wash, rinse, and repeat this process two, three, four, or more times!
Each time you learn more.
Good luck.