Should I involve the father?

[whiteybulger]

I had a one night stand and ended up getting pregnant from this situation. My child has not been born yet but is due April 1. I told the father at four months and I didn't tell him before because of the awkward situation and the fact that I'm stubborn and didn't want him to impose his southern views on raising children (I am originally from Michigan). The day I told him I was pregnant he accepted it and said he wanted to be my friend even if the child wasn't his ( which I am 100% sure it is ). The next day was a totally different story. He told me basically that I was using him ( for what I don't know ) and the child wasn't his and he didn't want to hear from me until the child was born to take a paternity test. Now I want to move back to Michigan in late July early August of next year ( when my lease is up ) so I can be close to my family so that they can help me and I can have their support. I was thinking of not filing for child support until I moved so that he couldn't contest me leaving the state. And then I learned more about his family from others that know them and they say that they are very conservative. And that they may also want to try to get custody of my child as well as not let me leave if I did file for child support before I moved. Should I involve the father, he's a real deadbeat it seems. But I know she'd want to know who he is. I just don't know if I want all of this legal mess it sounds like I will have if I file for child support. What should I do?

 

[jacksgal]

How dare you! Whether you like him or not, you did at least for one shameless night, does not take his rights away! When you made the poor choice of a one night stand you forever bonded yourself to this man. If he is Father as you say he has all the same rights as you do. This means custody, visitation and, support. However he cannot stop the mov euntil after he is established as Father. That cannot be done until child is born

 

[Duranie]

Well you decided to get pregnant from a one nighter so you get to deal with him and his family. Honeslty he has no rights before the child is born so you would be better off moving BEFORE the birth. Once the child is born and you move, the new state does not have jurisdiction until you have been there at least 6 months. In that time Dad is free to file for paternity and or custody or visitation.

Nobody can predict the future but it will be very hard for him or his family to get custody but Dad can file for visitation.

Why oh why would you get pregnant by a guy you hardly know? Don't you use any protection? I am female and cannot quite figure out how women can do such things. having a baby from a one nighter is not my idea of a family but to each his own.

good luck

 

[ldc2]

Your best bet would be to move prior to any type of court hearings or paternity testing is done. Don't tell him you are moving since as of now he has no rights and you are not liable to tell him or even talk to him.

After you move if you wish to establish any type of contact with him do so. If you wish to get child support take him to court to establish paternity after you move. But if you do this know that he may end up with some sort of custody/visitation.

I would advise from personal experience to move out of state, have your baby and try to raise your child 100% on your own. I did the opposite and now am dealing with more than likely not being able to move out of state and dealing with crap from him (who doesn't even see his child nor ask about her).

Of course if you think he would be a good parent and should be involved then go ahead and move (if it will give you more help and support and make everything easier on you then move now before anything can happen) then get in touch with him after the baby is born and try to be as amicable as possible and have a sort of "friendship" with him and his family.

If you are going to move do it prior to any court thing and before you have the baby.This is very important. The state can make you stay (if you have already established paternity etc.).

*edit- this is just my personal opinion and obvioulsy it is not the right advice for everyone