scary husband, decent father

[mammamia]

I've been married to a verbally, emotionally, and finally physically abusive man for 20 years. He has had several affairs during that time, even fathering a child with another woman 18 years ago (documented). I have been the sole financial support of the family for 5 years. We have 2 kids still at home, age 15 and 11. Despite the fact that he has been a poor husband and done little to support his family, he has never been "scary" to the kids...just not a good example. I finally reached the "last straw" and started making plans to leave. I've been told that if I take the kids with me without his consent I would be guilty of "kidnapping". He is an unpredictable man capable of physical violence. Four years ago,he broke my collarbone and caused a concussion. Unfortunately, because of the brain injury, I didn't know he caused it (or where I was) and so the hospital personnel accepted his excuse that I fell down concrete stairs. I didn't learn the truth for several weeks and by then had believed the lie that he would "never do it again". Since then, he hasn't been so violent but there's always that underlying threat. I don't feel it's safe to simply ask for a divorce. I'm afraid I'll have to go to work one day and never go home. If I leave for a couple of months to put time and distance between us, will I have any chance of getting custody of the kids? I truly do not fear for their safety and I know they don't want to leave their schools and friends, etc. If he has custody, I would still be able to see them, right? I know I will have to support them, as always, and I have no problem with that. I just want to know that he wouldn't be able to keep them from me. Any help would be appreciated.

 

[Duranie]

First of all why would you think you would not get cusotdy? I would file for divorce and custody of the kids. Why wouldn't you be able to see your kids? You can leave with them, it is not kisnapping because there is no court order. I do caution you though to not move far, or move out of state.

You really need to speak to an attorney to see how much alimony he might get. If he has been a stay at home dad, the courts may see him as the primary caregiver. Since it appears you never reported the domestic violence, I do not see how you can use that, you already accepted another excuse.

Please see an attorney. Do not listen to your husband or take any so called legal advise from him.