scared and desperate

[mother_confused]

My daughter is 4 years old the bio father has not seen her since she was 3 months old. I just got married 4 months ago and she loves her daddy. Yesterday my ex told his step mother that he wanted to come to our church to see my daughter. He has been in and out of jail and is on drugs. He has never paid child support and I just found out that we have joint custody how do I get custody and what can I do to keep him away from us?

 

[Duranie]

You cannot keep the bio father away if he goes to court and asserts his rights. Is there a vistation schedule set up? How could you not know he had joint custody?

You can petition the courts to terminate his rights and have your husband adopt, perhaps based on abandonment. You really should see an attorney.

 

[jimmysgirl]

your ex is dad your husband is not

My daughter is 4 years old the bio father has not seen her since she was 3 months old. I just got married 4 months ago and she loves her daddy. Yesterday my ex told his step mother that he wanted to come to our church to see my daughter. He has been in and out of jail and is on drugs. He has never paid child support and I just found out that we have joint custody how do I get custody and what can I do to keep him away from us?

unless you can prove him unfit or a danger to the child, theres nothing you can do.you chose him as your child's father, and he has as many rights as you. and btw, your ex is this child's ONLY daddy. your husband is a legal stranger. a judge wont be pleased with you allowing your daughter to call her stepdad daddy, and you COULD be stripped of custody. no matter how close your daughter and your hubby are, he is not your child's father. you need to nip that in the bud before you become the ncp

 

[momofallboys]

WOW, jimmysgirl, pretty harsh don't you think? To mother confused...you may want to check with the laws in your state. In some states father's rights can now be considered stripped automatically if they do not pay or see their child(ren) for more than 2 years. If they are doing one or the other it is different. The father of my bosses daughter tried to pull the same thing yours is, until he found out what his arrearages were in child support. He hasn't been around since. In fact, he signed off on his rights rather than pay the $45,000 that he would have been considered behind in support. I think the deadbeat dads just like to shake things up a bit. Shame on him, whether or not he is the biological father, Jimmysgirl! And shame on this society where it is more important to protect loser dad's so-called rights than look out for the best interest of helpless defenseless children and their mothers who are trying desperately to protect their children! I thought we lived in AMERICA, not some backwards middle eastern society where women are nothing!! Sounds like Jimmysgirl has had her share of people telling her, "you chose him as your child's father." I didn't chose our current president but I am stuck with him in the same manner. It doesn't mean I support him or think he is right! But one mistake of a ballot box put me in this situation, just as one unfortunate, unprotected night resulted in the birth of an innocent party in mother confused's life. People worry more about Aids patients for making a bad choice than they do about poor little children who are brought into a bad decision. It is very frustrating to live in a society where little children have no voice. Not all mom's are great either, but the ones who care should be considered that child's advocate where deadbeat loser dads are concerned. They should have more say over what happens that simply stating a man has rights. Why are millions of children abused each year????

 

[momofallboys]

While I am still on the soapbox, let me add this question to jimmysgirl....how do you define the word "daddy?" I'd prefer to use the term "sperm donor" in cases like mother confused's! Where has this so-called daddy been for the last 3 years? Was he thinking of his child's best intersts when he was shooting up drugs??? Would you call him a daddy just because he contributed the sperm to create a child??? IF that is the case, there are many daddy-rapists who are in jail for doing the same thing. Do they have rights too? Be careful what line you walk when you say a judge wouldn't be happy that a little child feels close enough to call someone "daddy," whether or not he is her step or not!! I would hope a judge would commend the step dad for taking such good care of someone he DIDN'T donate sperm to! THAT IS WHAT IT IS ALL ABOUT! Not biology.

Mother confused.....stick to your convictions! Protect your child at all costs. Appeal to the courts that you are your daughter's protector...the one who is accountable for keeping your child safe. Get a lawyer if you have to. I think more moms (or dads if the case warrants) need to stand up for their children's rights and get these terms, such as "daddy" written off the books and look at each case on a case-by-case basis. Judges are above the law, just like Friend of the Court custody investigators, etc. They CANNOT be held accountable for a bad decision! If a surgeon makes a mistake they can be held accountable for it. It is time we make our legal system accountable too, especially when they make a bad decision regarding a child's safety. Things would change dramatically then, wouldn't they? Be accountable for your mistake of trusting your daughter's sperm donor to keep up his end of the bargain when you procreated. You are your child's ONLY advocate unless you are a god-fearing person. If so, keep Him close at hand too.

STAY STRONG! You won't be stripped of custody. If a judge were to strip the right of a loving caring mother simply because he daughter calls her step-dad "daddy," then that judge needs to move to Saudi Arabia or something.

Did that happen to you jimmysgirl??? I wonder why you are so bitter? I know a lot of people who call their steps either mom or dad. There is nothing wrong with that!!

 

[momofallboys]

I don't need to criticize you but it is attitude;s such as yours that put children in danger every day. Why scare mother confused into giving in to her daughter's dead beat, loser sperm donor's world when she can be raised in a loving, healthy environment instead???