Rights to ashes??

[MJ1958]

My uncle passed away several years ago, taking his own life. At the time, he was married to a horrible woman who he found out was cheating on him with another woman. She was leaving him for this woman, who she is now legally married to. She had 1 child with him, while his previous wife had 3. She refuses to share the ashes with them, saying that she "paid" for them and she has the right to decide. They've asked and pointed out that their father's wishes would've been for all of his children to have some of his remains. She, however, doesn't care. Our family knows she didn't love him and feel that she contributed to his death as he committed it the day she was moving her things out. Yes, I know that they were married and that's the law. Well it's crap. That someone that so obviously didn't care for him has any right over his remains at all. Is there anything we can do? This is a law that needs to be changed, to honor the people that deserve the rights.

 

[adjusterjack]

She refuses to share the ashes with them, saying that she "paid" for them and she has the right to decide.

She's right.

They've asked and pointed out that their father's wishes would've been for all of his children to have some of his remains.

If the father's wishes weren't specified in his will, then there are no enforceable wishes.

Yes, I know that they were married and that's the law. Well it's crap. That someone that so obviously didn't care for him has any right over his remains at all. Is there anything we can do? This is a law that needs to be changed, to honor the people that deserve the rights.

Oh, give me a break. Of all the things to get pissy about. Your uncle's ashes are nothing more than organic dirt. He's not in them anymore.

You have photos and memories. Cherish them.

This is nothing to make a federal case out of.

 

[MJ1958]

She's right.



If the father's wishes weren't specified in his will, then there are no enforceable wishes.

Yes, I know that they were married and that's the law. Well it's crap. That someone that so obviously didn't care for him has any right over his remains at all. Is there anything we can do? This is a law that needs to be changed, to honor the people that deserve the rights.

Oh, give me a break. Of all the things to get pissy about. Your uncle's ashes are nothing more than organic dirt. He's not in them anymore.

You have photos and memories. Cherish them.

This is nothing to make a federal case out of.

Ok the rudeness wasn't appreciated. My family is still deeply hurt over the circumstances under which he killed himself. A little bit of compassion would be nice.

 

[zddoodah]

She refuses to share the ashes with them, saying that she "paid" for them and she has the right to decide.

That's right (more or less).

They've asked and pointed out that their father's wishes would've been for all of his children to have some of his remains.

First of all, eww, gross. Second, speculation about what a long-dead person would have wanted is legally meaningless. If he cared how his bodily remains were divied up, he could have addressed that issue properly while he was still alive. That he didn't do that (coupled with the fact that he committed suicide) suggests that he didn't care.

Yes, I know that they were married and that's the law. Well it's crap.

And yet here you are asking whether that "crap" law will provide you or your cousins with some legal recourse. Seems a bit hypocritical, don't you think?

That someone that so obviously didn't care for him has any right over his remains at all.

There's nothing "obvious" about this. When you take a matter to court, you plead your case before complete strangers. You can't just walk into court and say, "your honor, she didn't care for him," and expect the judge to take you at your word -- especially if she says, "that's nonsense. I cared for him deeply and still do." Moreover, we don't want our courts to be adjudicating whether someone did or didn't "care" about someone else. Can you imagine what a circus that would be?

Is there anything we can do?

I'm sure you can do lots of things. You, in particular, have no legal standing at all, and your cousins have no viable legal claim. If they wanted to fight their stepmother about the disposition of their father's bodily remains, that's something they needed to do "several years" ago (i.e., right after he died). It's way too late now.

This is a law that needs to be changed, to honor the people that deserve the rights.

I couldn't begin to disagree more, but you're free to lobby your elected representatives about this.