Real name used on a forum - contacting private information about me & my partner

[cey123]

Hi there, I hope this community can help shed some light on how I can resolve this.

Firstly let me explain, that the use of my real name was my own fault - however it was done in state of stress and irrational thinking.

Here is the situation:

I recently posted on a relationship forum detailing a situation in my personal life. This post was very frank, honest and contains references to places and times frames that are easily identifiable to mine and my partners situation. However, this is not my main concern. Foolishly, I used my real name ( or rather a combination of my birth name and family nick name), but, I am known by this joint name used both personally and professionally. If you do a google search of this name, you will find several profiles, comments, business related activities - many of which contain images of me - used with this same username. I don't have problem with this as I never use the internet in a malicious or problematic way - until now.

I have contacted the forum owner ( 3 times) and just received a response today, which was in fact a notification that I was being given an infraction even though their policy states: If there is information in the posts that you feel might identify you (such as names, years, places, or dates, etc.) that isn't directly relevant to the thread, we'll be happy to alter the message to help protect your identity. Alert us to the post by clicking the button by your post, detailing any such information you'd like changed and a moderator will make those edits for you.

on reading this, I was of the understanding that my situation met this conditions in more than one area, and as no response had been given using previous contact details, my contacting them in this way was fine.

As you can probably guess, I could care less about the infraction and will never use the site again. But, my real name, containing a very private post, which contains information that would be humiliating and disrespectful to me partner (and can be easily located by his friends, family and colleagues, who also know me by this name) is available on the 2nd page of google and other search engines. Worst still, if you click google images, several images of me show up which I have used in a personal and professional capacity.

The site a refusing to change my username -which I believe i reasonable request and inline with their own policies. They have informed me that moderators are not 'editor's and seem to be going against their own t&c. I want this information removed immediately before it negatively impacts both my own and my partners personal and professional lives.

Please advise what my next step would be in a situation like this?

Thanks
CEY ( not my real name ;-)

 

[cbg]

I am not just a mod, but a Supermod, on this and other sites, but a Supermod's privileges do not include accessing or changing the user name that you selected. I don't know how far up the ladder of privileges you'd have to go to be able to do that, but I can assure you that a moderator does not have the ability to do that. A mod could go in and edit your post to remove identifying information (and I have done that on occasion) but changing your user name is not something that could be done below at the very least Administrator level, and I'm not even sure about that.

I am also unaware of any law that mandates that they remove information that you yourself put up for public view.

 

[cey123]

Hi there, ok, so it would seam that whilst the moderator can't make these changes, I would have thought that this is something that can be done at the site owner level. However the moderator has the ability to ban and remove users ( alongside their threads on the site). This would obviously be my preferred outcome, but changing my username would be more than enough for me.

When I posted this situation, I was inebriated! Whilst a lame excuse, it goes some way to explaining - at least to myself - why I didn't use a fake username. It looks like this is going to be a tough situation to fix. The thing is, the information contained within my post is hurtful,humilating and it would kill my partner should he, any of his friends or family see it...and he is already somewhat of a fragile and emotional character.

I am not just a mod, but a Supermod, on this and other sites, but a Supermod's privileges do not include accessing or changing the user name that you selected. I don't know how far up the ladder of privileges you'd have to go to be able to do that, but I can assure you that a moderator does not have the ability to do that. A mod could go in and edit your post to remove identifying information (and I have done that on occasion) but changing your user name is not something that could be done below at the very least Administrator level, and I'm not even sure about that.

I am also unaware of any law that mandates that they remove information that you yourself put up for public view.

 

[army judge]

Hi there, ok, so it would seam that whilst the moderator can't make these changes, I would have thought that this is something that can be done at the site owner level. However the moderator has the ability to ban and remove users ( alongside their threads on the site). This would obviously be my preferred outcome, but changing my username would be more than enough for me.

When I posted this situation, I was inebriated! Whilst a lame excuse, it goes some way to explaining - at least to myself - why I didn't use a fake username. It looks like this is going to be a tough situation to fix. The thing is, the information contained within my post is hurtful,humilating and it would kill my partner should he, any of his friends or family see it...and he is already somewhat of a fragile and emotional character.

The moral here is each person is responsible for what they do.

Your inebriated excuse will not get you a pass for your actions.

I suggest you write a letter to the site owner or administrator. Send the letter via email, and regular mail (return receipt, proof of delivery with signature).

Request politely, do not demand or threaten, that the entire thread be deleted.

Inform the site owner that your problem has been addressed, and for privacy and modesty concerns you are asking they thread to be deleted.

This should get the result you seek.

It isn't quick, but no other solution would be, either. Why?

You have no other remedies.

 

[Michael Wechsler]

I happen to agree with army judge, assuming that the terms of the site are as you report and what I'd probably expect. There are potential laws one could look into but in this situation it's more about the practical, both in terms of time and money.

Even if you had legal rights, the easiest way to have changed what you wish is a request made directly to the site administrator. You might want to try once or twice with a polite, short request for the name change as well as a specific request and highlight of text you'd want changed or removed. You most definitely want to include the URL of the post(s) along with your user name so it's a simple process for a site administrator to comply with your request. You can also make a polite reference to say that you noticed that per the terms (provide url), the site would be glad to comply with all of the above and that you are most appreciative that they offer this. (You don't have to provide excuses as to why it happened as it's not important and prolongs the reading material unnecessarily.) That should be enough.

Now if you don't get a response, you can try the written letter, return receipt, etc. That should not be necessary. This is by far the most effective way to have your post and user name modified on an online forum. Staying sober can have its advantages at times. Best of luck to you.