Pregnant minor daughter; abusive boyfriend that may be the father

[SClay]

My daughter is 17. She is pregnant. She claims one boy to be the father but there is a good chance that it is not. The boy she claims is the father is abusive. For over a year I have been fighting to keep her away from him with no luck. She is to be induced tomorrow as there are health complications with my daughter not the baby. She insists this boy will be at the hospital tomorrow. I have been told by a Knoxville Police Officer that since she is a minor and I have custody of her that I also have custody of the baby. My daughter in a fit of rage said that she will continue seeing him even if I get an order of protection against him and his mother. Both of whom have threatened physical harm on me today. What can I do? I am afraid it is going to come down to my taking her baby in order to keep at least her safe.

 

[disagreeable]

Obtain an order of protection, then throw her out on her ummmmm morals at 18.

 

[Proserpina]

Go to that police officer, and politely tell him he couldn't be more wrong if he tried.

(In fact, that's so wrong I find it hard to believe he said that)

You have custody of your daughter. You absolutely DO NOT have custody of your grandchild. If Mom wants Dad there, she's allowed to have him there. Not your decision I'm afraid.

I strongly suggest you rethink your position here. You have no rights to take that baby anywhere.

 

[Proserpina]

Obtain an order of protection, then throw her out on her ummmmm morals at 18.

She can't get an RO involving the grandchild

 

[disagreeable]

She can't get an RO involving the grandchild

I was talking about the daughter.

 

[Proserpina]

I know what you meant. But OP is under the impression that she has rights to the baby.

 

[mightymoose]

She can get an order protecting both until paternity is established.
Mom absolutely can keep unmarried alleged father away from both while in the hospital.

 

[Proserpina]

She might get lucky (though not tomorrow morning) if she can convince the court that her pregnant about-to-deliver daughter needs to be protected.

Why do you believe that she can get an RO including the grandchild? She has no rights to enforce against her grandchild. Unless you can show me differently.

 

[Proserpina]

Afterthought:

It doesn't really matter a whole heck of a lot. One of these will happen:

1. Grandma gets restraining order covering both daughter and grandchild = you can be your last cent that daughter and baby will pack up and go the very second she reaches 18.

2. Grandma gets RO covering daughter only = same result

3. Grandma tries to get charges brought against Baby Daddy, and does not like when the court throws it out because of that pesky Romeo & Juliet law = same result as 1 & 2.

4. Grandma sits back and observes the situation.


This is a hormonal 17 year old who is about to give birth. She WANTS her boyfriend there. Whether Grandma is trying to do what's best or not, daughter is going to throw a fit if Grandma makes it so that boyfriend can't be there. Daughter is then simply going to take home the AOP paperwork, get Dad to complete his part, and Bingo - Grandma can do less than nothing about the baby. Worse still, Grandma will likely end up never seeing the baby - period.

I'm not fond of the fact that kids are having kids. But you've got to understand the daughter's mindset here. Her Mom is - in her eyes at least - doing everything she can do get rid of Daddy. Daughter isn't exactly going to thank her for that.

 

[mightymoose]

Why do you believe that she can get an RO including the grandchild? She has no rights to enforce against her grandchild. Unless you can show me differently.

Her daughter is a minor and is not married. It does not matter what the daughter wants. Her parents hold the cards and can keep anyone they want away from her. As she is a minor her parents can obtain a restraining order on her behalf for just about any reason whether she likes or not. The decisions are simply not hers to make.
It is possible the alleged father is also a minor who will get nowhere without his own parents assisting. Even if he is an adult he has no right of access to the minor, and no claim to the child until paternity is established. With the allegations of abuse a restraining order for both would be quite easy.
Mom can look to child social services for guidance with all of this, if not an attorney.

 

[cbg]

I don't think anyone is denying that Grandma CAN keep boyfriend away. The question that's up for debate is whether or not Grandma SHOULD keep boyfriend away or whether the likely long-term consequences of doing so are greater than Grandma might like to deal with. And of course, Grandma cannot do ANYTHING with regards to the baby, once born, since despite what she was told and would like to believe, custody of the baby is solely with Mom/daughter.

 

[Proserpina]

Her daughter is a minor and is not married. It does not matter what the daughter wants. Her parents hold the cards and can keep anyone they want away from her. As she is a minor her parents can obtain a restraining order on her behalf for just about any reason whether she likes or not. The decisions are simply not hers to make.
It is possible the alleged father is also a minor who will get nowhere without his own parents assisting. Even if he is an adult he has no right of access to the minor, and no claim to the child until paternity is established. With the allegations of abuse a restraining order for both would be quite easy.
Mom can look to child social services for guidance with all of this, if not an attorney.

Let me try again.

Grandma has no standing to get an RO for the baby. The daughter? oh sure. But the grandchild? Not so much. Do you have anything? Case law? Statute? Telling us that grandma (or any other third party for that matter) can take out a restraining order on behalf of the grandchild? You did say that grandma can get a restraining order for the grandchild.

Ooops. What cbg said.

 

[army judge]

Whatever happens the ungrateful daughter will come back begging mom to help her.
The baby daddy will disappear in a few days, most do.
An uneducated 17 year old has few places to turn to for help.
Despite what people say, try living on welfare.
Frankly, mom should do what the mother of the three little pigs did, pack her bags, show her the door, wish her well.
A screaming 2 week old brings reality of breeding home fast to some.
Mom, they say you have nothing.
You're holding many trump cards.
If you're holding both jokers and the trump face cards, you're good for six books.

I hope the baby is healthy and the new mother fared the birth process well.

Speedy medical recovery and emotional one to all.

 

[army judge]

This is mom's (OP) trump card.

Money can control behavior.

Sooner or later, this will be addressed.

Otherwise, CPS can move in and grandmother will get temporary custody while neglect charges are sorted.

The minor mommy might think that Obama money will flow her way.

Wrong......read some wisdom in TN.

TANF/AFS (Adult and Family Services) or other
TANF is time-limited public assistance payments made to poor families, based on Title IV-A of the Social Security Act. The program provides parents with job preparation, work, and support services to help them become self-sufficient.
TANF legislation includes two rules specific to minor parents (parents under age 18). One rule requires that minor parents live in an approved arrangement, usually with their parents. The other rule requires that minor parents typically participate in education leading to a high school diploma or GED.
The living arrangement requirement to receive TANF says that a state is prohibited from spending federal TANF funds on assistance to an unmarried, minor, custodial parent unless she lives with a parent, legal guardian or other adult relative or is approved for an exception. The law recognizes limited exceptions to this rule including situations in which a parent, legal guardian, or other adult relative is not available or when such a placement could result in harm to the minor parent and/or her child. When residing with a parent, legal guardian or other adult relative is inappropriate, the state must "provide, or assist the individual in locating, a second chance home, maternity home, or other appropriate adult-supervised setting." Alternatively, the state may determine that a teen parentʼs independent living arrangement is appropriate and that it is in the "best interest" of her child to make an exception to the general rule.

http://www.nationalcrittenton.org/pdf/Tennesee.pdf

 

[Proserpina]

You know, for a second there I thought you were actually advocating false CPS reports. Because you wouldn't do that, would you? Of course not.

The fact remains:

There is no abuse or neglect of the child.
The only way Grandma could step in is if there is evidence of neglect or abuse - and she has nothing, therefore we can't advocate that course of action.
So we're back to what was originally discussed.

Grandma controls daughter.
Daughter controls her own child.
Grandma can remove Daddy from the picture for...a couple of months at best.

Sooner or later - and judging from the way this thread is going, I suspect sooner - daughter is going to take her child and never let Grandma see the child again. Specially if Grandma decides to get CPS involved when there is no reason to do so.

 

[army judge]

You know, for a second there I thought you were actually advocating false CPS reports. Because you wouldn't do that, would you? Of course not.

The fact remains:

There is no abuse or neglect of the child.
The only way Grandma could step in is if there is evidence of neglect or abuse - and she has nothing, therefore we can't advocate that course of action.
So we're back to what was originally discussed.

Grandma controls daughter.
Daughter controls her own child.
Grandma can remove Daddy from the picture for...a couple of months at best.

Sooner or later - and judging from the way this thread is going, I suspect sooner - daughter is going to take her child and never let Grandma see the child again. Specially if Grandma decides to get CPS involved when there is no reason to do so.

Of course not, I never said there is neglect, but there will be neglect.

There'll be no need to report anything but the truth.

Grandmother is obligated by law to support her minor children.

Grandmother is under no legal obligation, or duty to support her grandchildren.

So, the new mom (the teenager) will no doubt cut a choggie (polite GI slang for run away fast).

She'll be unable to support the child, and the state won't provide any support, unless she returns to mom or consents to living under state control.

Plus, these kinds of dads are poor performers, so I wouldn't bet the new dad will step up and do what's right.

Even if he wanted to to, he probably lacks the resources to do so.

There you have it, let nature and those hormones take their course.

I never experienced these issues, and I consider myself very lucky (I put great emphasis into discipline and rules, rewards and sanctions).

My heart goes out to the new mom and her mother.

My final thought, not every grandparent wants to see their grandchildren.

Many parents are perfectly happy when their children become adults and leave their homes.

I've always chuckled silently when I read about someone they care about threatening to leave.

If it were me, I'd smile and say, "I wish you well."

That seems to be the trend these days, when you call a person's bluff.

Frankly, I enjoy a stress free life.



​

 

[Proserpina]

Choggie?! I think that's my new favourite word.

 

[army judge]

Choggie?! I think that's my new favourite word.

I love that word.
But, Google it, as it has also obtained negative undertones.

We never used it that way in Korea, alas, it too has been linguistically kidnapped (or so it seems).