Post Custody Order - Communication Rules/Expectations

[Umbrella]

(Unsure on which forum this specifically belongs)

I am a man who has custody of his toddler son, as in guardianship school year, the ex has him during the summer, and we alternate every weekend with our son. This was a custody order she signed and agreed to, notorized by an attorney I hired and processed through the court(07/2013). This was not settled through divorce or loss of custody due to neglect.

I left (01/2014) have lived with family for 1.5 years since leaving her. (trying to stick to necessary facts) She promptly entered into a new relationship with an ex-con while we were going to couples counseling early (04/2014). During the first summer the ex-con watched my son and I told her multiple times I feel it is an unhealthy environment.

Regardless the main point I'm getting at here is that relationship is over, and she wants more time with her son. I don't feel as if I need to give the reason why, however I am not willing to give her more time with him, I'm following the custody order as it states.

Which since then it's as if she is following the "how to change custody" back, I searched that online and she got rid of her social media, instead of texting asking how he is doing, she has switched to emails, I imagine for documentation purposes.

I set BOUNDARIES, in regard to a "communication plan", twice a week, once on the weekends, email only then as she says her phone is messed up and she can't text. Between 9 AM - 9 PM, any emails in regards to her complaining about custody, wanting more time, emails sent after 9 PM, or one's that are threatening I am not responding to.

Since then she has broken every one of those boundaries, she will email at 11 PM, 12:04 AM, she sent 8 emails between 11:30 - 12:30 at night - none were emergencies, telling me about our son singing Thomas the Train to her. Emails complaining about custody, her wishing I would let her have more time with him, "all of this is gonna change" threatening emails. Last night I proposed we lay ground rules for phone call communication as she wants to switch to that. I got another email back at 11 PM stating that I'm a manipulator and she would rather a judge decide that. A "threat" email.

I'm wondering can I cut email communication with her and have her go back to texts?

Can I cut total communication aside from advising on pickup times for our son, or future school events?

My attorney has assured me that the burden of proof is on her to convince a judge that it would be in our son's best interests to spend more time or live with her, perhaps reaching for a shared custody agreement. I will not agree to that, as I feel our son needs to know where home is, and with the probability of later meeting other people, getting married or having other children as we are early 30's, I don't see that as beneficial. Also the fact that I am going to be moving an hour away for a job, and right now I don't even live in the same school district anyway.

She also has two other children from her first and only marriage, she has custody of those two boys, 7 and 5. She thinks our toddler should spend more time with them, yet several factors here, 1) I don't feel I have the obligation of seeing my son less than what the court documents state 2) I think it creates a psychological attachment issue and problem, as in he will create an attachment to his half-brothers, and then when he starts school in a different school district, or we move an hour away none of this can be sustained. They will not be driving an hour to where we live to "hang out". It's as if she wants our son to create a bond with his half-brothers in order to establish a path to taking me to court and saying they should all be together...except me of course, then her $100 a month child support is eliminated. I've talked to counselors/therapists about this and they agree.

Her emails cause stress, irritation, frustration, anxiety, in general I feel like I'm being tortured by her, best word to describe it. In the 70's and 80's we didn't have the internet, my father didn't call multiple times a week to talk to me, even though we have advanced communication there is no good communication between us. Therefore why continue it.

What legally can and cannot do in this situation?

I just want to move on, be left alone, and not be terrorized by baseless threats. Raising a child is hard enough, while at the same time being attacked at all ends by the ex, any diaper rash he gets, she makes sure to get it in an email (in my opinion to make me look like an irresponsible parent). She wants to know invasive things like do I have a job, how much time does he spend at daycare. Truth is I just finished a graduate certificate, have BS/AA degrees already and am out of work currently, yet have plenty of money saved up, and living with family helps with the expenses.

There simply has to be something I can do here, why do I have to be ridiculed and criticized constantly by this person, harassment basically, emails all hours of the night, and be threatened all the time with "I'm still thinking of taking this to court". How do I communicate or hold boundaries with someone who will ask how he is doing, I respond, then she will respond with breaking the rules we set of our communication plan which is not a part of the custody order?

Thank you for reading and any advice, - oh I've been single the entire time since I have left, no drugs, no smoking

 

[army judge]

The help you seek can't be acquired online.
You need to continue to work with your attorney, or hire another attorney that you feel represents you better.

Your problem, it would seem, isn't about custody.
You shouldn't worry what the child's mother does, or who she does it with, UNLESS the behavior is harming the child you and she created.
If you believe any child or person to be in danger, call "911".

There will come a day when custody will become more equal.
Courts will try to reach a 50/50 level of TRUE shared custody.

Sorry, but as long as you see this as adversarial, you and the child's mother will continue to fight and squabble.
Perhaps you and the mother can seek counseling to become better parents.
As far as how you communicate, you are under no legal requirement to communicate with her.
She and the child should be communicating, as should you when the child is not in your residence.

One day she'll wise up, hire her own attorney (get a pro bono attorney) and seek a more equal footing.

Wouldn't it be better to work together for the benefit of your child, and avoid such nastiness?

I graduated from an Iowa Law School, and practiced law in your state.
I still am am a member of the bar in Iowa.
I know of what I speak, and I suggest you seek ways to compromise and avoid conflict.
I wish you well.

PS: As far as her intrusiveness, just grin and bear it. You are under no obligation to answer her questions. Remember, this might have started because you were concerned about her dating an felon. Let it go, even if he was a felon, he paid his debt to society. Beside, not all felons are child molesters and perverts. Its her life, let her live it, and you live yours.
If I were you, simply discuss the child. No need to explain childhood illnesses, you're not a physician, and if she wants to know more, refer her to the hospital, physician, or clinic.

Its much easier to say, Billy got three stars today in school. Our son is doing very well with his studies, and even has started playing T-Ball. His next gamne is at ^:00PM at Lions Park, come out and watch if you want. You could even send her pictures of him riding his bike, skating, or just tossing a ball. Be positive, ignore negative,a nd you'll soon receive what you seek, peace.

 

[Umbrella]

Army Judge, good to see you again, you have helped me in the past with other questions, under different names as I can't remember the log in, info.

My ex has seen a therapist or claims she is now, and is on new medication, she cheated a month after our son was born, I forgave and stayed, she cheated again mothers day weekend when our son was 6 months old, I forgave and stayed, she got hooked on marijuana and I thought I have to put up with this, I'm the male so I won't win custody in a court case. However after the second cheating I was concerned with that and the drug use, that she was obviously not stable. I have recorded documentation of all of this. I then asked her to sign the custody agreement and after doing so I still stayed until Jan.

After leaving we went to group therapy to try and fix the issues and get back on the same path, we were dating for two months basically while living separately, then she all of a sudden starts her third affair, tells me vocally she wants me to take our son and find a better woman then her. In the last individual session, as it started as group, then she went individual trying to diagnose the ex, the counselor feels the ex has Bi Polar and Borderline Personality Disorder.

I don't care who she does what with, and am aware that not all felons are child predators. However we also know there is a high rate of recidivism with criminals. It's neither here nor there, I am over it. The issue is I've provided a caring loving home for my son for almost 2 years now, and when you say compromise that is not in the language of a person with her mental state.

Her version of compromise is she gets what she wants you get nothing or less.

If she did not have the mental condition she did or was seeking therapy to improve that, the BPD specifically as it's in the antagonistic cluster of personality disorders, that is one step to me willing to allow her more time. The second is the issue of attachment with the half-brothers, I know we can be friendly and lax and say "oh it won't hurt the kid", yet when school starts and he can't go see them the extra time he will miss them, and wish his parents were back together and that is not going to happen. So while I would like to compromise I do not think her and the half-brothers having more time with my son would be beneficial for him.

I find it strange what you said about shared custody and the courts eventually moving to this, as I have read somewhere online that Iowa is not a state that likes this as they don't feel that children get a true sense of where home is.

I don't see how she can get more equal footing if I live in a different school district or an hour away. If you are from Iowa and lived here I have a degree in Accounting which means I am going to have to work in the city or a city to have a decent job, keyword decent not rich, and with that said the logistics of our son going back and forth or her picking him up from daycare are not feasible as she lives an hour away from two major cities.

I guess I need to know how I'm going to be perceived in court if we go and how she is. I don't think saying "she quit couples therapy when the guy wanted to go and fix things after you cheated on him, to start a new affair with a felon and walk away from taking care of your son" is a good sell in a court for her. While felons aren't horrible and some can rehabilitate, that is poor decision making. I didn't drive her to those therapy sessions, she drove herself. Point is if the man who already had custody wanted to work it out for the family and himself, and you walked out on that, why is it the man's fault? Probably more moral questions than legal.

If she believes so much in shared custody, why does she not do shared custody with her other two kids and her ex, its not because of his schedule, its because she works a part time job has little money and needs that $440 in child support each month to help pay her bills.

Additionally I could move out of state I have good networks in other states and could get a job easily if I moved.

Basically I feel like because I have a kid, and have custody, what are the courts to say? That due to these things I cannot move out of state or stay in state yet move away to get a better job to provide more for my child. It's as if because I have a degree and a kid, and I was cheated on, the court would even consider taking away my son to give to his unstable mother. She literally wanted to take me to court one weekend and the next asked if I ever considered us working it out. Complete flip flop mentality, she goes from party girl/date anybody to church going zealot. Therapists have told me the revolving door will continue with her, it's just a matter of time before she changes again.

Yes it would be completely better to work for the greater good of our son, yet she is focused on what she wants. A therapist said watch out when that relationship ends and she wants her nuclear family back. I actually felt good there for a bit when it became a situation where we would just email and focus on the positive things about our son, now that I have not gone back to her that she's single again, she has again "demonized" me basically and is trying to attack, threaten, and overall be abusive to try to get just what she wants. Which in effect, is her having majority custody of our son, and with her decision making and careless behavior, I do not feel our son would be in a safe position living with her. (Excuse the gory details, I am over it - I just wanted to be a bit more thorough as I feel I might be mistaken as the manic one since I' so frustrated at the constant abusing of the boundaries in the communication plan.) I was told not to react to her, yet my reaction at this point is I don't want to talk to you unless it's an emergency.

If I can legally not have to talk to her, and won't look like a jerk in court for it, then I will advise her to call, the only issue my son doesn't speak full conversations yet so it's going to be choppy. During those calls she will try to get the half-brothers to say hello and talk and affecting the psychological attachment I spoke about. If we respect the law profession we have to respect the psychological profession as well.

 

[army judge]

Hello, my old friend.
No worries, we all forget things.

Okay, let me try to tell you why things are harder for you than a man who was married and had a child with his wife, then divorced.
The law treats a husband and wife equally in all things concerning their children.

An unmarried man who has a child with an unmarried woman has no paternal rights.
He must go to court and establish paternity first.
Once he has established paternity, then child support and custody must be sorted.
Before he gets custody, he'll get visitation.
The visitation is often limited and supervised, eventually as the child becomes a toddler, he can get overnights, and once school age is reached, he can get some form of custody.
I'm not saying its right.
I'm only laying out the way it is.

The psychological issue is often meaningless.
Why?
Society is reluctant to remove children away from people with a vast variety of mental health and behavioral issues.

You are free to make whatever argument you wish.

If I were in your position, and when I have argued for men in your position as a lawyer, I approach ot from an equity point of view.
Society also believes that a child is better off with two parents in his or her life.
It can't always be equal, but it should be equitable.
You must know what battles to fight, and what battles to ignore.

I suggest you ignore most everything that doesn't harm the child.
Mom's view of parenting is different from yours, so you parent your way, let her parent her way.
If she criticizes you, let it go.
You don't have to respond to idiots.
You simply smile, and say nothing.
Then you parent your way.

As far as mom wanting your Junior to chat or GOO-GOO, GA-GA with his siblings, let them.
You can use Skype, Face Time, or any variety of such apps to let the kids talk.
Why worry of you understand them?
Just let them blabber and babble, no harm in that.

If you don't stop this, you will be viewed negatively by the court.
If you want to move to Alabama, Montana, or Timbuktu, nothing is stopping you, but you.
Maybe you can't take the kid,m so what?
If you need to make money, make it, because none of us can ever have EVERYTHING we want.

No reason why anyone needs to be IN CHARGE of the kid.
You are both needed, mom and dad.
Just do the best you can with what you have.

If I were you, I'd only respond to mom when it was necessary and only communicate about the child.
I've also been a Texas district court judge, and am now a "visiting" judge, in Texas, a retired district court judge.
I hear about 10-12 cases every quarter, sometimes more, sometimes fewer.

The point is, no judge wants to hear the stuff you think is important.
No judge is going to order you and mom to communicate, unless its about the child.
In some cases, communication is only ordered in emergency situations, otherwise, the parties are advised NOT to communicate, and in some cases the parties communicate through a third party.

You and her must figure out what works best for you, and the child should be the reason for making it work.
In 15 years or so, the kid will be an adult and you completely cut her out of your life.
The problem is, he won't.
Some people say you are bonded until you die (or the kid dies), because he will forever link you.
That choice was made when you decided to have sex years ago.

So, all I can say is you must make it work.
Your kid loves you both.
If i were you, I'd just be nice for his sake.
Let him communicate with his siblings, and don't use terms like HALF-BROTHER and HALF-SISTER.
The kid will figure it all out, and when he comes of age he can decide if he wants to cut one, two, or all of them out of his life.

I have siblings.
I don't communicate with all of them these days.
Truth is I never liked them all, but kept it civil while mom and dad were alive.
Maybe they never liked me, but so what?
I'm free to choose, and I choose what i want without injuring or harming others.

You need to figure it out, make it work, your kid is counting on YOU to help him do that, too.

 

[Umbrella]

Ok well I already have a custody order signed by a judge, and by both parties, that was done in '13 so that issue I see as over and done with.

He is going to be going to school soon and I don't feel obligated to shorten my time with him just because she wants him more, and since he will be in school soon its pointless to impossible.

I won't argue the mental and behavioral things, I have heard of a story of a woman cutting herself on her arms up and down and still keeping her kids. To me society needs to look more at the mental behavioral side, and honestly even if I was messed up I would rather have psychologists determine if I am not as safe as the other parent to have my child instead of them. I love my son and want him to be safe.

I agree completely with parenting our own ways, it's the only way that works I heard a great example recently of how kids react to teachers in school in different classes they adjust naturally to how each teacher depends or wants to be treated. Same way with the parents, in the case of split parents.

The last thing to question really is frequency and length - I'm thinking the communication plan is fine Tues, Thurs, and Sat, the call shouldn't last more than 15 minutes but may as he gets older and has more to say. Yet I agree it should NOT include spying, conversational topic about the other parent, etc. We take a child in the middle class for a reason and each time I try to pick my son up she tries to talk to me about more time with my son, and it turns into a disagreement and she is doing it right in front of our son. Therefore I told her in the email I sent her last night that I was no longer participating in those discussions, as it's putting him in the middle to hear mom/dad argue.

As far as moving I see what you are saying, my attorney advised me to make an attempt to get her to agree with it and get it documented which I did via email. He says I probably can leave state if I wish, and the custody would just change to full school year with me, full summer with her, ending the weekend visitations. The thought behind it is we can prove via multiple email attempts in me offering more time or extra holidays that I tried to agree to something outside of court, she would have none of it and expected a complete reversal of custody, in which my attorney also said if you do move out of state send a certified letter giving notice and if she is going to do anything, let her make the first move.

Regardless of what the court thinks on her behavior and mentality I have done a ton of research and talked to counselors about this, it's not about me being a vengeful ex, it's about protecting my son from her extreme emotional instability. The disorder is also called Complex PTSD, and if you know military you know PTSD is nothing to scoff about.

 

[army judge]

Ok well I already have a custody order signed by a judge, and by both parties, that was done in '13 so that issue I see as over and done with.

He is going to be going to school soon and I don't feel obligated to shorten my time with him just because she wants him more, and since he will be in school soon its pointless to impossible.

I won't argue the mental and behavioral things, I have heard of a story of a woman cutting herself on her arms up and down and still keeping her kids. To me society needs to look more at the mental behavioral side, and honestly even if I was messed up I would rather have psychologists determine if I am not as safe as the other parent to have my child instead of them. I love my son and want him to be safe.

I agree completely with parenting our own ways, it's the only way that works I heard a great example recently of how kids react to teachers in school in different classes they adjust naturally to how each teacher depends or wants to be treated. Same way with the parents, in the case of split parents.

The last thing to question really is frequency and length - I'm thinking the communication plan is fine Tues, Thurs, and Sat, the call shouldn't last more than 15 minutes but may as he gets older and has more to say. Yet I agree it should NOT include spying, conversational topic about the other parent, etc. We take a child in the middle class for a reason and each time I try to pick my son up she tries to talk to me about more time with my son, and it turns into a disagreement and she is doing it right in front of our son. Therefore I told her in the email I sent her last night that I was no longer participating in those discussions, as it's putting him in the middle to hear mom/dad argue.

As far as moving I see what you are saying, my attorney advised me to make an attempt to get her to agree with it and get it documented which I did via email. He says I probably can leave state if I wish, and the custody would just change to full school year with me, full summer with her, ending the weekend visitations. The thought behind it is we can prove via multiple email attempts in me offering more time or extra holidays that I tried to agree to something outside of court, she would have none of it and expected a complete reversal of custody, in which my attorney also said if you do move out of state send a certified letter giving notice and if she is going to do anything, let her make the first move.

Regardless of what the court thinks on her behavior and mentality I have done a ton of research and talked to counselors about this, it's not about me being a vengeful ex, it's about protecting my son from her extreme emotional instability. The disorder is also called Complex PTSD, and if you know military you know PTSD is nothing to scoff about.

Its always a good idea to have custody matters herad before a judge in open court.

What you've done is create a custody order through your attorney.
She agreed to it, and that is often what happens.

She probably no longer agrees with the order in its entirety.
So, i suggest you take the matter to court.
Let her tell her story, and you tell your story.
You put on your witnesses, she puts on hers.
The judge decides.

That way, no one later feels they were bamboozled or hustled.

As far as picking up the child, the best solution is to arrange to do that at a police station, or sheriff's station, or a CPS/DCFS (or whatever initials they use in your state).
Some people have a trusted person drop off and pick up the child, that way neither parent needs to make contact.
Heck, these days you can hire people to transport the child between parental homes.
You do that, you eliminate one person (or both people) griping, whining, moaning, and complaining.
In my view, it would be worth paying someone to transport the child to eliminate a kvetching person always moaning and groaning about something.

You can think creatively, and discover what works best for you.
Thousands of people make it work, and they avoid the drama and do what is best for the kid.

 

[Umbrella]

My attorney advised me back then upon signing the document that he takes it to court, the judge signs off, and then she has 3 days to challenge it or change her mind on it of which she didn't. She was not tricked or bamboozled, and I had every intention of keeping our family together. I stayed for months as she grew more and more erratic, seen 2 priests, 3 therapists, until she ultimately started a third affair and abandoned us. When she signed that document she stated clearly that she believed we were going to make it and last, and therefore its a non-issue, she do so willingly. We walked in and signed the document one at a time.

You make me feel a bit uneasy here, as if the custodial agreement I have is not as strong as a divorce decree with custodial agreement attached, yet we weren't married, and I don't necessarily see the distinction; I feel it should be advantageous to me. We didn't need to go to court to argue about custody because she willingly signed it away.

If I go to court the witnesses would be no problem, now that she is back in Jesus mode she can bring in witnesses to I'm sure that will tell how wonderful she is before she flips mentally and goes back to party/date tramp without being mean. It's as if your suggesting I go back to court to challenge her disagreeing now of the custody order, yet I've had my son for 1 and a half years, we've established a bond. The court would honestly consider if I have a safe, caring, and loving home of changing custody to her or forcing me to move to the town she lives in for shared custody? Obviously there is the chance I could win and everything stays the same, yet by going to court I'm risking that chance, even if its small of losing. Why not wait, and if she is interested in challenging it have her take me to court? If that is the case I can then present my witnesses and go that route.

I just find the advice strange as I'm risking custody of my son for no real gain of what I already have.

 

[army judge]

My attorney advised me back then upon signing the document that he takes it to court, the judge signs off, and then she has 3 days to challenge it or change her mind on it of which she didn't. She was not tricked or bamboozled, and I had every intention of keeping our family together. I stayed for months as she grew more and more erratic, seen 2 priests, 3 therapists, until she ultimately started a third affair and abandoned us. When she signed that document she stated clearly that she believed we were going to make it and last, and therefore its a non-issue, she do so willingly. We walked in and signed the document one at a time.

You make me feel a bit uneasy here, as if the custodial agreement I have is not as strong as a divorce decree with custodial agreement attached, yet we weren't married, and I don't necessarily see the distinction; I feel it should be advantageous to me. We didn't need to go to court to argue about custody because she willingly signed it away.

If I go to court the witnesses would be no problem, now that she is back in Jesus mode she can bring in witnesses to I'm sure that will tell how wonderful she is before she flips mentally and goes back to party/date tramp without being mean. It's as if your suggesting I go back to court to challenge her disagreeing now of the custody order, yet I've had my son for 1 and a half years, we've established a bond. The court would honestly consider if I have a safe, caring, and loving home of changing custody to her or forcing me to move to the town she lives in for shared custody? Obviously there is the chance I could win and everything stays the same, yet by going to court I'm risking that chance, even if its small of losing. Why not wait, and if she is interested in challenging it have her take me to court? If that is the case I can then present my witnesses and go that route.

I just find the advice strange as I'm risking custody of my son for no real gain of what I already have.

You're reading what you think you see.
I suggest you reread what I've posted, because nothing you say is close to the truth.


People in her position have to agree, if they have no money to fight it.
Eventually, some get money, hire a lawyer, and take the matter to court.
What you have isn't illegal, its because you are better funded, better supported, and smarter.
Some people eventually wise up, and things equalize, that's when the real fun begins.
Last thing, its NOT about you.
Its about your great kid, and what is bets for him.
What is best is that he have a mom and a dad in his life, siblings, and extended family.
Heck, what if you meet that great woman, marry her, and have a kid?
I;ll doggone bethca you and her would want the baby (your baby and bundle of love) involved in the older child's life.
You'd sure be right to want that, and his mom is right to want his other siblings to know their neat brother!

 

[Umbrella]

This is the most bizarre advice I have got from you in contrast to the past. Also contradictory of what the now County Attorney who was my attorney before he got that position has stated. You are saying it is to my advantage to take her to court, even though I already have an established, verified, and judge/court ordered guardianship or custody agreement in place where I raise my son the majority of the time.

I am going to make one point clear, I wanted a family, I did. I hear you, it's NOT about me, its about our son yet what you are suggesting in giving up my time to see him is suggesting the court was wrong in making and allowing, and otherwise making it law that I get my son throughout the week. I want to be a father and raise my son, it's not my fault she stepped out of the relationship to cheat, whether married or not I should have some rights here to. I did not cheat on her, I tried to make it work after being cheated on multiple times, she left counseling, how is that working against me?

All she had to do was say I'm not going to sign this back then. She didn't. There was no trickery here and no master plan of I will eventually leave, as I told her in an ideal world the bad things you did would not have happened and we would be together and our son would grow up in a good home with all of his siblings and both parents. However it's not perfect, and it's not ideal. It is what it is.

I'm better funded because I save my money, that doesn't make me a bad parent or one who should not have majority custody. She has support from family that lives in town with her, her not being as smart as I am is not my problem. It seems like you are making excuses for her, or why I got custody, when in fact I asked her to sign over custody and she agreed to it. If she can change her mind than that should mean every divorced couple out there could change their mind at any moment and if judges continually shift custody back and forth do children ever retain a sense of where home is, what a family is?

I read everything you said multiple times, yet you are saying basically that my attorney has told me wrong and it should work in reverse Yet there have been cases locally where a woman has taken a man to court for more time and actually got less time, also if you've read the news even the international news the mother that poisoned her child with chemicals claiming she had cancer and embezzled money from so many organizations is in the town she lives in. I don't necessarily think a judge/jury will forget about that case for awhile. While moot to my current case admittedly.

Let's just say 3 years from now he's 5 1/2 going to school full time and she takes me to court while I'm working a good job in the city, how in the world as a judge can you extract more time for her when my son needs to go to school? How is it logistically possible? Is she going to drive an hour from where she lives to come visit him for 5 minutes? If I am married 3 years from now am I going to have to allow her and her other sons to come into my home with my new wife and spend time with my son?

The levels of awkwardness are off the charts here.

During the conversations during my picking up of my son, she has stated when I ask were not a family right now how can we fix that, she states this I'm waiting until marriage to have sex, and her concern is our interests not being the same. Which means in general if I was to take her back, that I would marry her eventually to consumate the marriage, and then she would divorce me at the first chance to get what she wants, or to try and take me to court for our son. I'd rather pass on the sex and the bad relationship and move on with my life.

If what your saying is true it sounds like I'm pretty much doomed, she will never stop, every therapist has told me. Therefore its only a matter of time for when she saves up money providing the revolving door doesn't occur again any time soon, which everyone thinks it will, and then she gets back custody of some variation aside from summer visitation which starts in 12 days and then I worry about the random strangers she will bring into his life. How is that healthy for my son?

 

[army judge]

You chose her.
She chose you.
No court will second guess your choices.
I wish you the best.