Please Help Us!!!!

[arbr]

My stepdaughter has wanted to live with us since I have been in her life since the age of three. Her mother is not very motherly, does not love on her, and is very mean to her. Well, she had another baby, moved to another state with her new husband, and took my stepdaughter with her. Since she has been gone, we get her every other holiday and every summer. We have caught the mom in many lies and she does not communicate with my husband, as she should regarding the daughter. She hardly answers the phone when he calls and does not allow her to call dad when she wants to. She locks her in her room at night and has sent her to her room with out dinner. She hits her with a wooden spoon, wooden ruler, wire fly swatter and her hand by making her pull her pants down and bending over her knee! She calls her names and makes her feel horrible! When we get her, she is very withdrawn and she gets scared about going back. She is nine and she begs us to not make us send her back. She said if she goes back that she will try to run away again! She told the doctor about some things, SS was called, and a report was made. She is set to go back in 13 days and we don't know what to do! We are scared and you can see the fear in her when it is mentioned! What can we do? What will happen with SS and will it allow her to stay here and be safe with us? If not, what can we do, we do not have a lot of money, but we cannot afford to let her go back and get hurt anymore.

Thanks!

 

[jacksgal]

Contact CPS over the abuse. You stay out of this! It will cause more harm than good if you have any discussions about her Mother etc. Let Dad handle this. Dad's first move is contacting CPS the next maybe to return to court with new information of abuse and file for change of custody

 

[arbr]

THANK YOU!!!! I know I need to stay out of it but it is so hard! She calls me mommy and we have the most awesome relationship. My husband is not the type to face confrontation so she has ran all over him! She has lied to others and tells us when she can work around her schedule regarding daughter, not his! The step-dad is great! HOWEVER, he is ALWAYS gone, Army! Therefore, she is there with mother and half-brother feeling alone! She even lied about child support, he proved her wrong, and the courts did nothing! Daughter is to the point where she said she hates mother and doesn't want to see her anymore, we tell her she shouldn't feel that way because it is her mother but I think mother has done so much damage that daughter just doesn't care anymore! Can she talk with someone regarding where she wants to live?

 

[jacksgal]

First off calling you Mommy is bad idea and can used against your husband. Second a judge might listen to a minor on their views on where to live but the decision is based on child's best interest not their desires. Stay out of this for your husbands sake and the childs. Tell Dad to contact CPS over the reported abuse. Have no discussion with this child over what your doing or plan to. Be Dad's moral support but stay out of this you are a legal stranger to child. It would do Dad well to talk to an Attorney but the very first thing that needs to be done is CPS needs to be contacted over the beatings and any other abuse issue. If CPS finds any wrongdoing Dad could get child sooner than he expected. I cannot say that for certain but it is possible. Even if not this child needs protection if being harmed tell Dad to make the call. The National Hotline is 1-800-4-A-CHILD from there you will be forwarded to or given number to local intake counselor. I understand you care. I know I to am a Step Mom. But you need to remove yourself from process and not encourage child call you Mommy and especailly not to let Mom know this!

 

[arbr]

I see where you are coming from but daughter has been calling me mommy after dad and I got married 6 months into our relationship. Mother and I did talk at one time and used to get along just fine. I called mother and told her what daughter started calling me and told her that I told daughter not to call me that, and she stated she didn't care if daughter called me mommy! Daughter was potty trained at our home and she asked me for advice on how to do it, she used to call me b/c daughter would scream and cry for me and dad, and she would get me to calm her down. Daughter clings to me b/c I love on her, say prayers with her, rock her, and hold her when she is sick. Mother calls her names and I takes out her anger towards dad on daughter!