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Please Help, Trying To Collect More Cs From Ungrateful Father

Discussion in 'Alimony & Spousal Support' started by ANGRYONE, Feb 19, 2002.

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  1. ANGRYONE

    ANGRYONE Law Topic Starter New Member

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    I am having a problem collecting more CS from my son's father. Currently he pays me $500 a month for my 5yr old son and I have decided to put my son in a private school. The father and I have never been married we just had our son together. I currently live in SC and he is in California. He is currently military. We have no court order, this is just an agreement between us. Everytime he moves up in rank he increases the CS on his own. Everytime I ask him for more money he gives it to me without any problems. Since I have decided to put our son in a private school I feel that he should have to pay half tuition, uniforms, computer classes etc. $500 is not enough to raise a child on here in SC. It seems like since he has this new girlfriend he wont pay anymore money when I ask for it. They are not married and have no children. I am however currently married but that really has nothing to do with it. I asked him for more money and he says that he has a life and bills to pay there and refuses to pay me anymore. He doesnt call his son nor does he send him cards. His son loves him dearly and he knows his father but he fails to communicate with his son like he is supposed to. I refuse to let him take his son out of this state when he comes to visit because he doesnt call him. He does however send him gifts for his b day and christmas. I currently have custody of my son, we have not went to court for custody or anything but I have had him since he was born. can someone help me out here and tell me what i can do to get more money from this ungrateful father


    :mad:
     
  2. Michael Wechsler

    Michael Wechsler Administrator Staff Member

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    The decision to send your son to a specific private school is your own decision. I think that you are in a good situation where the father is actally raising the child support amounts voluntarily in order to be fair and take care of his obligations.

    I do understand that your decision is based upon your love and concern for the child's best interests. However, it is not as though the child would be receving inadequate support if the father disagreed with your decision to send your son to this school -- perhaps the child's father should have a right to disagree? For example, what if he decided that the child should be sent to a school that costs $100,000 per year -- would it be fair to compel you to contribute to half the costs?

    As in any parental situation, decisions of this kind need to be made with the mutual agreement of both parents and there may be reasonable disagreements. While you might be able to go to court to increase child support payments, you may want to consider the amicable nature of the situation and whether going to court would actually accomplish a substantial increase in the amount of the support payments.
     
  3. betali

    betali New Member

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    i think you are hurt that your child's father doesn't take a more active role in his life. if he lives in california and he doesn't really call and you won't let him take your son out of state. he's keeping an emotional distance-probably to keep from getting hurt. as far as the private school that's your choice and you need to foot the bill. it's a choice your making. also $500.00 amount is a fair amount. you were not married and you seem to be experiencing some feelings of animosity regarding his girlfriend. you can't have it both way. you mention your marrigae but you don't think that's important or part of the equation. do you have other children? does your son have have a good relationship with his stepfather? you can go to court and take your chances regarding a support order for more money and tuition. but on the other hand he can go to court and get court ordered visitation that may include your son going to california for extended periods of time. you have to think about the best interest of the child. cordial relations and mutual respect and understanding are more important example and values to model for your son than money and all the fancy private schools. your son sounds like a well-adjusted boy. your hurting for him because his father isn't giving him the kind of relationship you want. be fair to yourself and your son. you can't make his father be more involved. you have to accept the things you can't change and go on. you are only responsible for your actions. keep being the best mom you can be! GOOD LUCK!
     
  4. Rathi

    Rathi New Member

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    The way I understand things, is you, as primary caretaker of the child, take the responsability, and bluntly put, the majority of the financial burden it takes to raise a child.
    I agree that the father has most likely decided not to have contact with your son, to save his own feelings, and he has realized, that with you guys never being married, and the distance between you, that he'll never have a huge bearing on the child's life. I'm in a simiular situation at the moment, and it's hard to keep pickin' up the kids, takin' 'em home, and not really getting to "raise" them the way I would like.

    I also have to agree with the Law Professor when he said, (basically), be thankful you don't have an ex that tries at all means to AVOID paying any child support.

    I can tell you from experience, regardless if you want to send your child to a private school, etc. the courts look at your income, his income, and figure out the payments for child support. I also have a government position, (decent pay), and my children's mother was just awarded $517.00/month (Two Children). Go by that, and think about what you may lose.

    Get it in writing! and get it signed by da' Judge! Only way to make things right!!! :D
     
  5. TheNetArchitect

    TheNetArchitect New Member

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    Gratitude is an Attitude you would be well to adopt

    {I am having a problem collecting more CS from my son's father. Currently he pays me $500 a month for my 5yr old son and I have decided to put my son in a private school.}

    While I applaud your decision to seek alternative methods to the South Carolina Public School System, I would have to ask in this case, if the newer method of Schooling has been agreed to by the father in this case as a mutual decision. Is it a school of religious instruction? Is it funded or subsidized by any religious or “Alternative Religious Belief System”? Is this Schooling one the Father of “His Son” would agree with?

    {The father and I have never been married we just had our son together. I currently live in SC and he is in California. He is currently military.}

    I have to ask myself what the motivating factor is here, with regards to complaining about one of our American Soldiers who IS Doing his part, not only for the Country we reside in, but also in Voluntarily Supporting His Offspring. All too often, the one receiving support for a minor child falls upon the Mistaken Belief that the monies can be used for personal and private debt relief. This erroneous belief is one that, more often than not, leads people into areas of accountability they do not wish to find themselves. Consider one who lives above or beyond their means and cannot show proof to Government accounting agencies as to how they support their lifestyle, since Child Support is not considered as Income for the Adult, but support for the minor child, you may find yourself being asked to provide “Receipted Dollar Amounts” and evidence that the monies you have collected were Not Used for your Own Support to the Detriment of your Child.

    We have no court order, this is just an agreement between us. Everytime he moves up in rank he increases the CS on his own. Everytime I ask him for more money he gives it to me without any problems.

    You truly should be thanking your lucky stars for what you have stated above, as those who are in the “Business” of “Best interests of the Children”, can use all of this on His Behalf should this matter ever come before a family court, where you seriously will run the risk (%70 – 80 %) of losing your child to the father.

    Since I have decided to put our son in a private school I feel that he should have to pay half tuition, uniforms, computer classes etc. $500 is not enough to raise a child on here in SC.

    If the stated amount that you receive accurately reflects the amount you have to Survive on as Sole means of Support, you are correct, it is not enough, and you need to do your part in matching and meeting the received amount before complaining about monies received. Also erring on the side of caution here with regards to “Private” Expenditures not directly related to the health and welfare of the minor child, private instruction could be construed as an Unnecessary expense (where adequate public education is available) taking some necessary expense from your Childs well being to compensate for the expense.

    {It seems like since he has this new girlfriend he wont pay anymore money when I ask for it. They are not married and have no children.}

    It sounds as if you are attempting to show this man in a bad light for wishing to get on with his own life and find his own partner as you have done. I do see the word “yet” in your statement either. Can you honestly sit there are say that he does not have the right, as an American Soldier and as a Man, to find someone Other than the Mother of his Child (who has already remarried no less and is Not available to him) with which to share his life? Also, it sounds as if you are experiencing a bit of jealousy and animosity towards the possibility of His having a new love interest, which upon Discharge from the Military may cause him and his new spouse to seek custody of his biological offspring through “best interests of the child” advocates. I again would say, err on the side of caution in continuously seeking more from a Service Man who’s wages are quite possibly Sub-Poverty Level before paying you!

    I am however currently married but that really has nothing to do with it.

    In most states, the Spouses income can be not be used as grounds for or against support monies awarded for the care and financial well being of a minor child. Such as your husbands income cannot be used as a reason to receive less, nor could his new partners income be used as a reason to receive more or pay less.

    I asked him for more money and he says that he has a life and bills to pay there and refuses to pay me anymore.

    In light of the current situation of the American Fighting Man and Woman (Impending War), it not only appears unwise, but also could be construed as interfering with Government Property if you begin a campaign of harassment or badgering him for monies not ordered by a court, especially if this interferes with the performance of his duties to America, and the government seriously frowns on someone losing life or limb over such interference.

    He doesnt call his son nor does he send him cards. His son loves him dearly and he knows his father but he fails to communicate with his son like he is supposed to.

    Here I would say that you need to define “Supposed to”, and do so In light of His Own Current Situation. If you are unaware of what kind of stress may currently be placed on our American Military, simply turn on CNN, FOX, or any other headline news show, and you may see that in preparation for wartime actions, a card to his son, may not be the most thought about item in his list of “things to do to avoid death”.

    I refuse to let him take his son out of this state when he comes to visit because he doesnt call him. He does however send him gifts for his b day and christmas.

    Your refusal to allow for his Visitation with his offspring can be construed as a violation of the Father-Son right of Bonding, especially in times of Imminent wartime situations, and if it is his Only Heir, you may wish to consider doing whatever it takes to allow the Man to spend time with his only son, before going off to protect the country he lives in! I would even go so far as to say that you are trying to “take away his reasons for doing his best”, as opposed to “Giving him a reason to live and something worth fighting for” in this matter, and if he ever brings this to his commanding officers attention, you may well find yourself, and your new family facing a beast you would not wish to face.

    {I currently have custody of my son, we have not went to court for custody or anything but I have had him since he was born.}

    Custody and Support are 2 things that a Legal System of Justice are going to have to decide. I would caution you in the taking of any court actions in his absence especially in the light of the current military status, as what you may think you can gain in the front end, you are obviously not considering the long range view. It is not like he is in prison for criminal actions, but is valiantly placing his very life on the line to protect all of us in many countries.

    {can someone help me out here and tell me what i can do to get more money from this ungrateful father}

    In closing I would like to say that up to now, what has been seen as an amicable support of a minor child can be used in his favor, and you’re seeking more from him as “questionable motives”. As for the ungrateful part, well, perhaps you may wish to look at the caster of such allegations “motives” for such twisted and harmful allegations.
     

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