Phone Communication - Bad or Good Move?

[robstapp85]

Alrighty. Well I filed for custody 11/7/08 and the hearing is on Dec 8th. My question involves phone communication. Quick background - my baby's mother took my daughter to TX out of the blue at the start of Oct. Since then I have tried to work out visitation and got no resolution. I have tried to maintain a consistent relationship with my 3 yr old on the phone since then. Out of the last 40 days I have talked with my daughter 15 days. I have sent emails about the lack of communication and i get excuses and what not. They will say well you could have called to which I respond I did and left messages. I have everything documented and phone records to show me calling everyday to talk with her. After not talking to her for a week I called and left a message and while it was not nasty it was just blunt and to the point and letting them know they should be ashamed for keeping Kaydence from calling/talking to me. So they call back and make excuses and then I get to talk to Kaydence for maybe 2 min, which is fine with me. They tell me on the phone that I can call and talk to her whenever...blah blah blah..So saturday and sunday come and go and I called each day at Noon and then again at 7PM and left messages and no response. So upon reading up I notice that a judge during a custody case looks at:

Each parent or caregiver's past and potential for future performance of parenting responsibilities, including the willingness and ability of each of the parents and caregivers to facilitate and encourage a close and continuing parent-child relationship between the child and both of the child's parents, consistent with the best interest of the child.

So I sent an email this morning stating that I will no longer call to speak with my daughter and pointed out it was not because I do not want to talk to her but because they cannot be reliable or consistent. I pointed out in the email that they need to take responsibilty of ensuring Kaydence has a relationship with me. I have bent over backwards the past 6-7 weeks to try to maintain that consistency.

Do you think this was a good move. I feel strongly in review of my phone records that I went above and beyond to speak with my daughter and have a relationship with her until visitation is set. Please note that my daughter has lived with me from day one and I saw her everyday until they left. I doubt I will get very much communication till the court date maybe after. Is this a good move to show that the mother is not being cooperative or trying to encourage a relationship with my daughter?

 

[irish223]

I don't think it was a good move, and I would continue to pursue phone contact with your daughter, regardless of the email you sent.

I don't believe that the mother will be expected to initiate phone contact in order to facilitate the father-daughter relationship. She is/will be expected to respond to your efforts to contact your child by phone. Her failure to respond will probably not be well received in court.

You might try sending an email to ask when you should call to speak with your daughter. This puts the ball in the mother's court, as it shows that you are willing to accomodate her schedule. If she doesn't respond after a couple of requests, or fails to make the child available when she agrees to a time, then you will have additional documentation for court.

 

[robstapp85]

Ok so the last time I talked with my daughter was on Friday. I sent the email Sunday night. I assume they got it Monday morning. So it has been 4 days and still no phone call. Would you recommend waiting till Thursday and then calling and when they do not answer or call back send an email asking to arrange some type of phone schedule?

 

[irish223]

Well, I wouldn't wait. I would send an email today stating that you've reconsidered. Instead of expecting them to call, you would like to set up a schedule so that you can be assured of speaking to your daughter on a regular basis. You can suggest days and times, and ask if that's convenient for them.

Be aware that the outcome of your custody/visitation hearing may not include daily phone calls. Depending on your judge and the visitation awarded, it may be anywhere from daily to weekly contact for the NCP.

 

[ohiogranny]

Did you object to the move? Did mom inform you or the court of the move? How far apart are you (what state are you in)?

You should keep in mind that 3 year old will not have much to say on the phone. Do try to get a schedule set up. Don't expect them to call you on their own without a plan in place. I agree that you should ask her what works best for her, and then you have it in writing that you offered that. You might want to have "virtual visitation" ordered too. Have you submitted a long distance parenting plan?

 

[robstapp85]

Well we are not married. I did not know about the move, she just left. I dont agree with the move. I have a court date on Dec 8th, so I know it wont be too much longer.

My daughter is very smart for her age and I am able to hold a small conversation. She will tell me what she did, what she wants, or try to tell me something that happened. We say I love you and miss you. Its only 2-3 min but its not dead silence.

 

[robstapp85]

Well we are not married. I did not know about the move, she just left. I dont agree with the move. I have a court date on Dec 8th, so I know it wont be too much longer.

My daughter is very smart for her age and I am able to hold a small conversation. She will tell me what she did, what she wants, or try to tell me something that happened. We say I love you and miss you. Its only 2-3 min but its not dead silence.

She was born and raised in TN and they moved to TX.