Parenting Time and Allocation of Parental Responsibilities Need Help!!

[kiska123]

Jurisdiction

Colorado

My soon to be ex husband and I are doing through a divorce. He and I have a temporary orders hearing at the end of december. He is seeking parental allocation and parenting time with our daughter. So this is the backstory to the situation. My ex has a long history of drug and alcohol abuse. I had caught him using heroin in our home more than once with our daughter and I in the home. For the sake of the family I tried to work with him to get him help so he can get clean and the family does not have to be broken up. He continued to use drugs and alcohol and I finally had enough because I became concerned for the safety of my daughter and I and his not wanting to help himself. I asked him to move out in 2012 and we broke up and he did. A few months after he left it seemed to me like he was going better so I let him visit our daughter at my home always under the supervision of my mother with me not there but I was a phone call away. After a few months I felt comfortable with him having a unsupervised daddy daughter day then he was supposed to return to my home with her. Later that evening I received a phone call from local PD asking me to come pick her up from a residence she was never supposed to be(6-22-2013). After that event the state filed a criminal case charging him with child abuse-negligence-no injury and obstructing a peace officer (7-18-2013). He ended up taking a plea deal and was only charged with obstructing a peace officer. After that event I refused to let him see our daughter again she was 3 at the time this all happened. Shortly after that he left the state and at some point came back but I had little to no contact with him. And he did not do anything to try and have contact with his daughter other than a text once in a blue moon asking to speak to her but I felt that it was best that did not happen because of the event that occurred on 6-22-2016. After that he continued to get in trouble with the courts failing to appear at court dates getting warrants for his arrest serving jail time for the warrants and most recent a arrest on 3-29-15 for careless driving no insurance and DUI. He is now on supervised probation and I think taking a prescription for suboxone to stay off of the heroin but the prescription med is just as bad as the drug it is a opiate that still gets you high and can sometimes be more addictive. Our daughter is not 6 and a half and has no idea who he is because of his leaving. He is seeking joint decision making and parenting time. He also wants to claim her tax credit every other year and wants reduced child support which we have already made a court order he agreed to in 2013. He is also almost 4,000 in the reers for support. I am willing to give him supervised visitation after he pays for full reintegration therapy. What are the chances that a judge gives him more than that or is there a chance with his history that a judge will give him nothing?

 

[adjusterjack]

What are the chances that a judge gives him more than that or is there a chance with his history that a judge will give him nothing?

There is no way to predict what a judge will do.

You might have enough evidence to result in limited access to your daughter but I'll guarantee you one thing, without a lawyer, YOU will not know how to properly present it to get the effect you want.

 

[kiska123]

There is no way to predict what a judge will do.

You might have enough evidence to result in limited access to your daughter but I'll guarantee you one thing, without a lawyer, YOU will not know how to properly present it to get the effect you want.

I cannot afford a lawyer I have already tried applying for a loan and a credit card and cant get approved.

 

[army judge]

I cannot afford a lawyer I have already tried applying for a loan and a credit card and cant get approved.

Don't tie visitation to support.
If you do, it'll guarantee the deadbeat addict will get visitation, and you'll get a lecture from the judge.

His addiction, his disregard for the child's safety clearly illustrate his current inability to be a stable parent.

Argue how he's hurt the child, not what he owes.

Time to face facts, that deadbeat will never pay support.

You want to be a great mom, forget counting on the deadbeat's financial support.

Problem is, you chose him to marry and breed with.

The court will respect your choices.

 

[kiska123]

Don't tie visitation to support.
If you do, it'll guarantee the deadbeat addict will get visitation, and you'll get a lecture from the judge.

His addiction, his disregard for the child's safety clearly illustrate his current inability to be a stable parent.

Argue how he's hurt the child, not what he owes.

Time to face facts, that deadbeat will never pay support.

You want to be a great mom, forget counting on the deadbeat's financial support.

Problem is, you chose him to marry and breed with.

The court will respect your choices.

So do I just talk to the judge about the allocation of parental responsibilities and parenting time and let them decided on the financial portion on the case? All I care about is the safety and well being of my child. also how much do I tell the judge. I do have evidence such as arrest records that are certified copies and a couple of victim witness letters to submit as evidence. I also have a police report from the even on 6-22-13 but I know unless the officer is present is hearsay

 

[army judge]

So do I just talk to the judge about the allocation of parental responsibilities and parenting time and let them decided on the financial portion on the case? All I care about is the safety and well being of my child. also how much do I tell the judge. I do have evidence such as arrest records that are certified copies and a couple of victim witness letters to submit as evidence. I also have a police report from the even on 6-22-13 but I know unless the officer is present is hearsay

Most parents try to convince the judge of what a greta parent they are, not what a bad one the other person is.

Now, if the other party is a child molester or rapist, most judges want to know that.

Child support is a separate issue, usually.

But, with a deadbeat, you know the bum won't ever pay.
If you get a dollar here and there, save it for the kid, because the bum will never pay enough at ONE time to buy the kid a "Happy Meal".

You'll find you and the kid are on your own, because deadbeats and moochers never pay their debts.

 

[leslie82]

So do I just talk to the judge about the allocation of parental responsibilities and parenting time and let them decided on the financial portion on the case? All I care about is the safety and well being of my child. also how much do I tell the judge. I do have evidence such as arrest records that are certified copies and a couple of victim witness letters to submit as evidence. I also have a police report from the even on 6-22-13 but I know unless the officer is present is hearsay

Just tell the judge what you have done for your child.

When I went through my divorce I hired a lawyer. I went to court for three hearings I think. I, luckily, ended up with a default decree because my ex never showed up for one court date. So in court visitation was never once brought up because he wasn't there. The only thing brought up was child support. I almost waived it - I should have. The minimum in my state is $50. That's what we started with. Then my lawyer figured out how much child support is for a 40 hour minimum wage work week because my ex didn't have a job (and has barely had a job since then or ever). That came out to $86 a month. Guess how much I've gotten in the last year? Like $275 or so. He's a little over 1000 behind on our daughter and 11,000 behind for all four of the kids together. Don't expect child support - if you get it is a nice bonus.

Also you cannot tie child support to visitation. That's illegal. So if he doesn't pay support you can't deny visitation.

You present your side. Let him say what he wants if he even shows up. The judge should decide what's best for the kid. Just be clear that he's likely going to get some type of visitation. It might start out supervised but he's going to eventually get unsupervised most likely.

Now he doesn't have to use his visitation time. But you have to have the child available when it his time.

I know how it feels. My ex is a raging drug addict, alcoholic and loser. He just spent his first paycheck on drugs and who knows what else in one day on Friday when he got it. He used our daughter's surgery as an excuse to get out of work for a week - he was only here the day of and the next day. Not what he told his boss or whoever.

Luckily parenting time is at my discretion because he's a moron who didn't show up to court or do the online parenting class. That's all he has to do in order to get visitation. He won't. That's 40 bucks he can't spend on drugs I suppose. Do I let him see her? Yes - but I have not left her alone with him since Father's Day 2015 weekend. Only because he was at his dad's then and two of the other kids were there. Since then - no. Because I was getting messages from people that he stole drugs from them, stole money, bad people were after him and so on.

You just do what's best for your kid and don't worry about what he does. But character assassinations in court won't help you.

 

[kiska123]

Don't tie visitation to support.
If you do, it'll guarantee the deadbeat addict will get visitation, and you'll get a lecture from the judge.

His addiction, his disregard for the child's safety clearly illustrate his current inability to be a stable parent.

Argue how he's hurt the child, not what he owes.

Time to face facts, that deadbeat will never pay support.

You want to be a great mom, forget counting on the deadbeat's financial support.

Problem is, you chose him to marry and breed with.

The court will respect your choices.

So should I submit the evidence just not bring it up and let the judge choose to look at it if they want to?

And what should I say and not say to the judge?

Do I give the judge a backstory on the history of what happened?

 

[leslie82]

So should I submit the evidence just not bring it up and let the judge choose to look at it if they want to?

And what should I say and not say to the judge?

Do I give the judge a backstory on the history of what happened?

Each case is different. I had a lawyer so I didn't say a word to the judge until the last hearing. I had to go on the stand. I talked about what my daughter has for medical condition and my lawyer asked me the questions. That was the only time I talked. I suppose had my ex shown up there would have been more and it would have gone on longer.

Do you have a lawyer? Have you talked to a lawyer? Some do free half hour consultations. I would find a lawyer and at least get a consultation to get some advice and what you should or shouldn't do. It would be more helpful if you have a lawyer though.

He will likely get supervised visitation - but I doubt you'll get visitation kept from him entirely.

 

[kiska123]

I

Each case is different. I had a lawyer so I didn't say a word to the judge until the last hearing. I had to go on the stand. I talked about what my daughter has for medical condition and my lawyer asked me the questions. That was the only time I talked. I suppose had my ex shown up there would have been more and it would have gone on longer.

Do you have a lawyer? Have you talked to a lawyer? Some do free half hour consultations. I would find a lawyer and at least get a consultation to get some advice and what you should or shouldn't do. It would be more helpful if you have a lawyer though.

He will likely get supervised visitation - but I doubt you'll get visitation kept from him entirely.

I do not have a lawyer and can't afford one. what did your lawyer speak about?

 

[army judge]

I

I do not have a lawyer and can't afford one. what did your lawyer speak about?

Its ALWAYS helpful to bring witnesses to support your argument about being a great mommy.
These people could be neighbors who interact with you and your child, babysitters, relatives, friends, childcare center personnel, religious officials, school officials, etc...

You want people who have seen you be a loving, caring, nurturing mother.
People who are of good character themselves, who will testify under oath about your abilities and actions as mother.

 

[kiska123]

Its ALWAYS helpful to bring witnesses to support your argument about being a great mommy.
These people could be neighbors who interact with you and your child, babysitters, relatives, friends, childcare center personnel, religious officials, school officials, etc...

You want people who have seen you be a loving, caring, nurturing mother.
People who are of good character themselves, who will testify under oath about your abilities and actions as mother.

Do letters from those people work? I have my employer of almost ten years writing one and and other couple people that I have known just as long.

 

[army judge]

Do letters from those people work? I have my employer of almost ten years writing one and and other couple people that I have known just as long.

That is up to the judge.
Many judges want a live, breathing human being to take the oath and testify.
That allows the defendant to cross examine your witness.
Generally, letters aren't accepted, but each judge is different.

 

[kiska123]

That is up to the judge.
Many judges want a live, breathing human being to take the oath and testify.
That allows the defendant to cross examine your witness.
Generally, letters aren't accepted, but each judge is different.

I mean some of the people wouldnt mind but it would be hard getting all the people I have writing letters to come to the hearing. And would they have to come to the temporary orders or the final orders ?

 

[army judge]

I mean some of the people wouldnt mind but it would be hard getting all the people I have writing letters to come to the hearing. And would they have to come to the temporary orders or the final orders ?

You're making your case to a nobody.

As I said, it is up to YOUR judge.

I suggest you ask the clerk of the judge's court about her/his requirements for witnesses in domestic dispute matters, as well as if notarized letters are permitted.

 

[txls]

Bring with you any and all documents and people that you feel will be helpful. Rank these items in order of relevance and importance. The judge will let you know when he/she has heard enough or if he/she does not want to see or accept certain documents.

 

[ElleMD]

Letters are unlikely to carry any weight as anyone can write a letter saying anything. The judge wants to know from actual humans who can be questioned. Don't expect to drag a dozen people in to rave about your parenting. You really need a lawyer. Try local law schools or legal aid clinics. Or, just suck it up and hire one. Your kid is worth the cost. Most will work with you on a payment plan.

What everyone means by separating visitation and support is that you can not make one contingent upon the other. If he is a bad dude that isn't safe to be around your child, that is true whether or not he brings a checkbook. If you start claiming you will allow him to see the child if he pays you, that sounds an awful lot like the money is more important than your child's safety, or he really isn't so bad, you are just angry he is behind in support and are using the child as leverage. By all means, ask for support, but do not expect visitation to be conditional. You chose this guy to marry and to be the father of this child. He has as much right to the child as you do legally. You are going to need to produce substantial evidence that he is unfit and a danger for the court to reduce his right to access and control over the child. You brought a child into this situation willingly, so the judge is going to need more than just a history of substance use to warrant reduced access.

 

[shrinkmaster]

You might try to get a consultation from an Attorney and even if you do not retain the Lawyer you can get some advice.