parent liability for adult child's debts

[zendegy]

My 36 year old sister is diagnosed with intermittent explosive disorder (though this diagnosis was made when she was a kid and she's not gone to a mental health professional since). On top of this she has Cerebral Palsy and epilepsy. She is able to keep a full-time job, drive and such, but still lives with my parents.
She has terrorized my down's syndrome brother and myself over the years, even trying to kill us. We are all afraid of her. She runs up huge bills that my parents end up having to deal with, though they are poor farmers. Often the expenses are to people who know that my sister is irresponsible with money, but they take advantage of this.
Is there any way to protect my parent's finances? We are so desperate...

 

[army judge]

My 36 year old sister is diagnosed with intermittent explosive disorder (though this diagnosis was made when she was a kid and she's not gone to a mental health professional since). On top of this she has Cerebral Palsy and epilepsy. She is able to keep a full-time job, drive and such, but still lives with my parents.
She has terrorized my down's syndrome brother and myself over the years, even trying to kill us. We are all afraid of her. She runs up huge bills that my parents end up having to deal with, though they are poor farmers. Often the expenses are to people who know that my sister is irresponsible with money, but they take advantage of this.
Is there any way to protect my parent's finances? We are so desperate...

This is very important.

Parents of adult children have no legal or moral obligation to pay the debts incurred by their adult offspring.

Tell your parents to do as former first lady Nancy Reagan said, "Just say NO!"

If your sibling attacks or abuses you, call the police.

No one, especially senior citizens and incapacitated adults have to live in fear of physical abuse.

The police and the courts will put a stop to this one woman gang.

 

[irish223]

Is your sister named on your parents' bank accounts, property, or investments? Or, are they cosigners on any of her credit cards?

Are your parents legal guardians of your sister?

 

[zendegy]

I think my parents have let this go so long...it's hard, because they are dealing with my down's syndrome brother, the farm, and feel badly because of her CP and Epilepsy. I honestly fear that, if any of us took legal action or anything like that, she would burn the house down. Both my brother and I have woken to find her trying to choke us and such. I no longer live there, but he does, and my parents. I feel at a loss. My income is limited, as I am a teacher.
So, for this most recent incident, as my father didn't agree to anything, can he simply refuse payment? In a nutshell, there was a dying horse who was set to be euthanized. She called a hospital and said to come to my father's farm to get the horse. They spent 2 wks before agreeing the horse had to be put down. Now there are between 3 and 6 thousand in bills. Can he simply say he won't pay?

 

[zendegy]

irish, the answer to all of those is no.

 

[army judge]

I think my parents have let this go so long...it's hard, because they are dealing with my down's syndrome brother, the farm, and feel badly because of her CP and Epilepsy. I honestly fear that, if any of us took legal action or anything like that, she would burn the house down. Both my brother and I have woken to find her trying to choke us and such. I no longer live there, but he does, and my parents. I feel at a loss. My income is limited, as I am a teacher.
So, for this most recent incident, as my father didn't agree to anything, can he simply refuse payment? In a nutshell, there was a dying horse who was set to be euthanized. She called a hospital and said to come to my father's farm to get the horse. They spent 2 wks before agreeing the horse had to be put down. Now there are between 3 and 6 thousand in bills. Can he simply say he won't pay?

No, your father doesn't have to pay.

Your sister requested the services.

It is her debt and her bill.

Tell your parents to say NO.

They should also tell her to move out.

Why would anyone want a killer living in their home?

Your parents have an obligation to their Downs Syndrome impaired son.

Have them speak with a lawyer or the police.

There is help available.

They only have to ask!

 

[zendegy]

No, your father doesn't have to pay.

Your sister requested the services.

It is her debt and her bill.

Tell your parents to say NO.

They should also tell her to move out.

Why would anyone want a killer living in their home?

Your parents have an obligation to their Downs Syndrome impaired son.

Have them speak with a lawyer or the police.

There is help available.

They only have to ask!

Thank you, armyjudge. I will tell them they don't have to pay the bill. The worst part is that the money they have is money they've been saving to fix my mom's broken tooth.
I would like to see something done about my sister and her negative control over our lives, but I don't know...I will be glad if at least they can be freed of the financial burdens she has imposed on them.
I do appreciate your response so much. Thank you again!

 

[irish223]

I agree with army judge that something must be done about your sister. As a teacher, aren't you a mandated reporter? I understand the conflicting emotions, but your brother's safety is at risk. He's already been abused. If he is seriously injured, or worse, by your sister, then you and your parents may face consequences for not protecting him.

 

[zendegy]

I agree with army judge that something must be done about your sister. As a teacher, aren't you a mandated reporter? I understand the conflicting emotions, but your brother's safety is at risk. He's already been abused. If he is seriously injured, or worse, by your sister, then you and your parents may face consequences for not protecting him.

I am a mandated reporter, but things are never as easy or clear as one might hope. I would love to see my sister put away somehow, but my parents feel responsible for her and I do not feel right making some sort of definitive move without them. I don't know how they would take it if I did decide to take it all into my own hands.
Maybe I need to talk more openly with them about the big picture. Believe me, I love my brother and parents more than anything in the world and this haunts me every moment of every day. I fear what happens when my parents are no longer around, too...

 

[army judge]

I am a mandated reporter, but things are never as easy or clear as one might hope. I would love to see my sister put away somehow, but my parents feel responsible for her and I do not feel right making some sort of definitive move without them. I don't know how they would take it if I did decide to take it all into my own hands.
Maybe I need to talk more openly with them about the big picture. Believe me, I love my brother and parents more than anything in the world and this haunts me every moment of every day. I fear what happens when my parents are no longer around, too...

There are support groups in many states.
You can always speak with a mental health professional, adult protective services, elder care representatives, a pastor, or a physician.
I understand your conflict.
But, your parents and brother are weak and need your protection.
You know what you must do.
If it were me, it would hurt, but I'd save the three weakest ones.
Your sister is out of control and needs help, too.

 

[zendegy]

There are support groups in many states.
You can always speak with a mental health professional, adult protective services, elder care representatives, a pastor, or a physician.
I understand your conflict.
But, your parents and brother are weak and need your protection.
You know what you must do.
If it were me, it would hurt, but I'd save the three weakest ones.
Your sister is out of control and needs help, too.

To my knowledge, she hasn't been physically dangerous to them in quite some time. It's become more of a victimization through finances. I am not sure this is something that can be addressed through any of the agencies you mentioned. I don't mean to sound like I am making excuses. I know something should have been done before...but the situation what it is at this moment, I am not sure what real options there are except throwing her out and risking her retribution for that...and I don't know if my parents would even consider doing so, anyway...
Ugh. It's pretty overwhelming. I usually just put it out of my mind until something like this comes up and makes it all undeniable.

 

[army judge]

To my knowledge, she hasn't been physically dangerous to them in quite some time. It's become more of a victimization through finances. I am not sure this is something that can be addressed through any of the agencies you mentioned. I don't mean to sound like I am making excuses. I know something should have been done before...but the situation what it is at this moment, I am not sure what real options there are except throwing her out and risking her retribution for that...and I don't know if my parents would even consider doing so, anyway...
Ugh. It's pretty overwhelming. I usually just put it out of my mind until something like this comes up and makes it all undeniable.

I know it is tough.

I know it must seem so hard and overwhelming.

You have a good heart and will eventually do the right thing.

God bless.

 

[zendegy]

I know it is tough.

I know it must seem so hard and overwhelming.

You have a good heart and will eventually do the right thing.

God bless.

thank you so much for your time and kindness. It is much appreciated.