See! Now I have a better idea of the REAL situation. I wasn't getting righteous with you, I was merely stating how things work. Let me tell you, I understand both sides of things.
My ex is a deadbeat who hasn't seen our 4yo son in over a year (his choice), never pays CS or his contribution towards tuition or childcare that he has been ordered to pay. He's in the military and doesn't provide medical for our son either. I provide all medical insurance. My fiancee and I provide everything for my son. I've filed cases with Dept. of Child Support services and they send me $16.00 checks. He's ordered to pay over $300 + the childcare (but DCSS It's more of an insult to injury. I'd rather get nothing. So, on my end I feel helpless. All of the collection tactics I've tried don't help and the court doesn't do much.
On the other hand...my fiancee is an amazing Father, very involved, provides a great home, necessities, etc. A lot like you were with your children and they did almost the same thing to him. In our County in California whenever a parent files for a modification of custody or support it is mandatory that they go to mediation. She's filed twice in the past year (just FYI, I don't think this is a coincidence, I've been around 2 years, they've been divorced for 5 and she hasn't filed and had no problems before I came. Maybe because I don't stand for letting him have her push him around). Either way, the first time they went to mediation they suggested a new 50/50 schedule that is just not working for anyone. He asked to go back to the week on, week off schedule, she went ballistic and filed again, this time for 100% custody. They go to mediation and the report basically trashes me, my son and my fiancee. I don't find it to be a coincidence that this M.F.T. that did the mediation also happens to practice in the same city as the new Mother In Law to his ex who is ALSO an M.F.T. She suggested an 80/20 custody schedule after its been 50/50 for 5 years. Is that justice? No! The kids are not abused, neglected or molested. They threw us under the bus for their own selfish reasons. Kids are a**holes. The problem is we provide for them on more of a practical level and she benefits because she doesn't have to buy clothes, pay for sports, braces, etc. Instead she buys iPods, XBox 360's, weekend getaways. Thankfully, she showed up late to court and the mediators suggestion was not able to be enforced because the Judge threw it off the docket.
If I can give you any advice...do your homework. Read up on how the system works in your state/county. Child Support Services will help you. If she owes back support to you, that can be used as a credit towards support owed to her (that's how it is here, not sure where you are). If she didn't provide medical and there are medical expenses unpaid file a contempt of court order, writ of execution, whatever you can do (again, not sure about the laws in your state, I'm assuming you're not in CA). There are Family Law Facilitators that can help. If you have to, just to know where you stand, get a free consultation from a Family Law Attorney (I'm not one to advocate wasting an attorney's time, but sometimes if you're at a total loss that's all you can do. Some are even willing to work out payment plans). I used to want to do Family Law but the system drives me crazy so that's why I do personal injury...lol.