need advice on 2 issues

[ptkamss]

i live in massachusetts and need some good advice the first thing is i have a daughter from a previous relationship. i went to court with my ex a few monthe ago he had an attorney i did not. the judge blew off my concerns about my daughters welfare and illegal substance abuse that was being done in front of her because she is only 7 so he could not believe her. i am a stay at home mom because we have an infant son so my ex wanted to claim her on his taxes. but he only pays 64 a week in child support and we all know that does not provide over half a 7 year olds support. where i am married my husband can claim her but the judge told me he would not let my husband claim her at all and i needed to make over 10,000 in a year before i could claim her every other year. my husband only makes 12 an hour and pays child support to his ex and supports a family of four. so for me to stay home we go with out a lot of luxuries but we manage why should we be penalized for me staying home? is there any thing i can do to change it?

the second is my husband has 2 kids. we have been going to court for years. at one point his daughter was coming to see us and then all of the sudden did not want to come any more. even though every week she could not wait to see us. the judge said he will not force the kidsto see us but my husband can still call them which they never answer.we feel the kids do not know it is us calling even though the mother says they do. whenour son was born he left a message that he had arrived. one time his daughter called and talked to me she was never told that he was born she was also interested in what we were doing in our lives. we have since then moved and had to change our number so she cant call anymore. to me that seems to be a sign that she does miss us and wants to be in our lives but the judge said he will not forceher because the mother says she doesnt wantto see us. by the way the mother is not civil in any way to us. we have tried everything to change this we even asked that a gal be appointedand that did not help. the daughter and the son say that their mother smacks them in the mouth and they are scared of her. the daughter was visiting us when the gal was involved and she even told us she was not trithful with the gal because she was afraid her mom would get mad at her. what she really wanted was to say she wanted to live with us. what else can we do to be able to get them to come and see us? how do we get the judge to do something besides just believe what the mother is saying.please help

 

[Duranie]

first issue, since you do not work and you do not financially support the child it is normal to allow dad to claim. He does pay CS. If money is tight and you want this changed, you'll have to seek some sort of employment. Either a day care at home or possibly work nights when your husband is home is an option. I have no idea how you guys make it work with him paying child support, and living solely off his income. Just a thought. working outside the home is not really a bad thing, can you and your husband work something out so that maybe you can work a few nights a week somewhere?

second, the judge should hold mom in contempt for not following a vistation schedule. I have no idea why the judge would allow the kids not to visit. Legally they do not get to make that decision. If I were dad I would be calling around to some attornies to see if anyone can help pro bono or start googling some fathers rights groups to see if they have any advice. Legal aid might be able to help him.

good luck

 

[ptkamss]

we decided it best for me to be home for the kids and his schedule changes so it would be hard to plan thank you for the advice on looking up father right groups i have never thought of that before. it was good to see that we are not the only ones who think this is wrong

 

[Duranie]

There is probably nothing you can do on the tax issue. It might be best for you to stay home but it doesnt change the fact that Dad supports the child and pays CS so therefore he is entitled to the tax credit.

The fathers rights groups, or an attorney might be able to give you advice on the visitation issue. How old are the kids? I have no idea why a judge would not enforce the visitation issue. Does your husband pay support?

 

[ptkamss]

i guess i do not understand why it is fine that my husband supports my daughter and was ordered that we cover her on health insurance not my ex because it would cost him too much but my ex gets thet tax credit i feel it should be who the child lives with and who provides over half her support. we are married so it is family income i do not feel it should matter where it comes from. his kids are 8 and 10. he does pay his child support but for some reason this judge will not enforce any visitation. in fact he took away set visitation on the last court date because the mother said the kids still do not want to come. very frusterating!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Duranie]

Your husband was not ordered to do anything, you were. Again you choose to stay ay home so the judge either awards the tax credit to mom, or dad. Dad has the obligation to support the child, step-dad does not.

I cannot figure out why a judge would allow an 8 or 10 yr old to not visit. That seems like legal malpractice and maybe your husband should try to contact attorney's to see if any complaint can be filed. Does your husband claim either of his kids for taxes? It is unfortunate that as long as this judge precides over your case, I am not sure you will have any luck.

Mom is required to co-parent, and to encourage a relationship with the non custodial parent. I really hope your husband finds an attorney that maybe can point him in the right direction.

Does your husband email or call the kids?

 

[ptkamss]

yes he does both but has never got a response also he was also told in court that the kids dont call him daddy they call him patrick.part of the other problem that a gal was ordered and she was no help and said that she though no visit should be orded at this time. but we are going back to court on january 19 and we are really hoping for a change. also he does not and has not claimed on his taxes for 4 years

 

[Scooterdog]

Is that petty amount of money really worth it all?

I would talk to a tax profesional on this, but my understanding is the child/ren have to LIVE with you for more than 6 months before you can claim the income credit.

IF the kids don't want to go, then so be it. You don't like being told where to go Im sure.

I question everyone's motivation when the first concern is "money" and not the best interest of the child. The tax credit is pocket change, nothing more. Who ever came up with it should be shot, because it doesn't help. I know to many people who squable over that petty amount. And, plug up the courts to try to get a few bucks. (If a laymen such as I see it like this, what do you think a judge who sits threw these crappy cases, day in and day out thinks????) Food for thought.

 

[ptkamss]

i agree i guess i get upset about the tax money because i know that money will not go to the child. he will not even buy her clothes for his house she wears what she goes in for the weekend. he uses drugs and that is where the money will go.i also look at it as up until 3 months ago he was only paying me 25 dollars a week in child support. i have supported her on my own up until a year ago when i met my husband. i worked full time and i payed for her daycares. he was never helpful financially or otherwise. if i knew that my daughter would benefit from this money i wouldnt see a problem but she wont. if anything gets bought for her it will be by his mother who he lives with. he doesnt even provide with a home his mom does. just like when she goes to visit he does not spend time with her it is his mom and her cousins. she will come home after a weekend and tell me what she did over there and her father is not even mentioned because in my daughters words daddy had to go see his friends all weekend. i do see that nobody like being told where to go. but i do not believe the kids actually do not want to come it is their mother convincing them that we are horrible people and we just had a son so their father has a new family and does not need them any more. she is very vindictful and coniving and can not keep her thoughts to herself when the kids are around. what she does not realize is she is hurting them. when his daughter was coming to see us she would tell us when she got home her mother and her mothers boyfriend would bring her in the room and grill her about everything that was said and done over here. personally i just think she got sick of being grilled every time she would come see us. she also was not aloud to discuss us at all after they were done talking to her.