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My husband is threatening to throw us out

Discussion in 'Marriage, Engagement, Domestic Partnerships' started by Jean343, Jun 16, 2017.

  1. Jean343

    Jean343 Law Topic Starter New Member

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    Jurisdiction:
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    My husband is threatening to throw my 18yo and myself out of his house. We have been married 11 mo. Can he do that? He also is a police officer and knows just how far to take things. Also is very verbally abusive. Before we moved in ( after we were married) we were having a talk at his house and he got upset and told me to leave. I said no and he called the police. I left the home and went to the police station and spoke to the officer who came to the house. I said I lived there and showed him mail. He said it would be filed under a domestic. Now he is threatening again to throw us out. Can he?
     
  2. army judge

    army judge Super Moderator

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    He can throw you and your adult son out.

    It wouldn't be legal, but why endure the abuse?

    I suggest you file for divorce.

    It is apparent your new marriage isn't going to work out as you might have planned.

    You need not wait for a court to rule, and risk your lives in the interim.

    Why not pack up your stuff and leave while you and your son haven't yet assumed room temperature????
     
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  3. zddoodah

    zddoodah Well-Known Member

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    We have no way of knowing if he has this ability. If your intent was to ask if it would be legal, the answer as to you is no and as to your son is yes (as long as he gives a proper eviction notice).

    That said, it seems rather clear your marriage isn't working out and that you need to make arrangements to move out.
     
  4. leslie82

    leslie82 Well-Known Member

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    You better just file for divorce and leave. Abuse never gets better. It only gets worse. It will eventually go from verbal to physical. Trust that. This marriage isn't going to get better unless maybe he goes to therapy. But I doubt it. Cut your losses and leave.
     
  5. Disabled Vet

    Disabled Vet Well-Known Member

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    Really? Your getting as you stated " Very Verbally Abusive " but yet you want to continue to live there. Interesting on really who may be the issue. It would be good for you to pack up and move. File for divorce and get on with your life.
     
  6. Jean343

    Jean343 Law Topic Starter New Member

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    It's my 18 yo daughter. I don't want another failed marriage. It's supposed to be a true commitment. Also moving cost a lot. I've been sending money to my parents to save for me but just 2 bed one bath apartments are $950 a month.
     
  7. Jean343

    Jean343 Law Topic Starter New Member

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    Yes, you are right but it costs $$ to just up and move. Apartments are $950 for 2 bedroom. He is also a vet. I just wish things would change and he could calm down.
     
  8. Jean343

    Jean343 Law Topic Starter New Member

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    He went to an anger management one bit big surprise.... he pissed her off and fired her.
     
  9. leslie82

    leslie82 Well-Known Member

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    I think that proves even more you need to leave.
     
  10. leslie82

    leslie82 Well-Known Member

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    Do you want to live to see your daughter have her own family or do things in life? Then you better leave because trust me, it's only going to get worse. You haven't been married that long and he's already showing you his colors. I bet he was like this before you got married.

    Moving does cost a lot but what's more important? Your life or a failed marriage? Sometimes we have to admit our mistakes and cut our losses. I was in an abusive relationship and I stupidly married the guy even AFTER he hit me. While I was pregnant. Even after the divorce I still gave him chances. Took me a bit to wake up but I did.

    It's your life but it's not going to be a long one if you stay with him.
     
  11. ElleMD

    ElleMD Well-Known Member

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    I have news for you, this marriage has already failed. If he wants you out of his house, it is only a matter of time before he can achieve that legally in any number of ways. You have zero entitlement to stay there long term.
     
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  12. Jean343

    Jean343 Law Topic Starter New Member

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    I just need a bit more time to save $$ then I can file for divorce, move my stuff out ( with police stand by) and file for an Order Of Protection.
     
  13. army judge

    army judge Super Moderator

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    You are allowed to live dangerously, play with fire, ignore the signs, accept the abuse, and believe in Unicorns.

    Many women have said those exact words, for some of them, that was their last words.

    Again, good luck, and avoid the ticking time bomb.

    BTW, he likely knows you're using him to buy time to leave.

    Your plan is neither clever, or unique.


    Good luck.
     
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  14. leslie82

    leslie82 Well-Known Member

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    No you need to get out asap. The more "time" you give him even if it's to save money is more time he could end up harming you or killing you.

    If you have family you can stay with I would do that. You do not have to have a lawyer to file for divorce. If you can't afford one you can still consult with one. Most give free consultations and they could get you started or see if anyone can help you pay for a lawyer.

    Get out and file an order of protection and divorce. It's your life though so if you stay that's on you. I wouldn't recommend it.
     
  15. Disabled Vet

    Disabled Vet Well-Known Member

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    You can move your stuff out now with police on standby. Remember the story of the little boy that cried "Wolf"..... If its as bad as you stated why in the world do you wish to continue to live there. So many resources available to you to help you move on with your life. Yet you don't use them...... I wish there was resources out there for abused husbands but theres nothing.
     
  16. leslie82

    leslie82 Well-Known Member

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    If you haven't been in that situation you can't really judge. I stayed with my ex husband far too long and I actually married him two months after he smacked the crap out of me when I was pregnant. It's hard to explain but abusers are very good at manipulating people. Very good.

    I think I mainly stayed because I thought I could get him to "change" and then realized no only he can change if he wants to. And he has shown he doesn't.

    I can somewhat understand why she is staying but as someone who has been there I urge her not to so she doesn't become a statistic.

    There are some resources - not as many as for women but they are out there.

    MenWeb Battered Men: National Resources

    First-of-its-kind domestic violence shelter for all-male victims opens in Arkansas

    The National Domestic Violence Hotline | 24/7 Confidential Support

    Shelter Listings
     
  17. Jean343

    Jean343 Law Topic Starter New Member

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    Like I said he is verbally abusive. Did not go on this site to
    like I said verbally abusive. He yells at me then seems kinda normal. Flipped out on simple things. I did not go here to be judged or criticized, I came here looking for advice. He is still my husband and I truly think with some help ( doctor ) he would be ok. It's a lot to throw away a marriage. I am one who feels all should be exhausted befor doing so. I started here looking for help. I'm not one who usually does that but after some of these replies I don't know anymore. We live like roommates now and that hurts because it shouldn't be that way. This all shouldn't be this way
     
  18. leslie82

    leslie82 Well-Known Member

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    You have been given a plethora of advice.

    No he won't change. You said he already went to counseling and after ONE session he quit. One.

    "This all shouldn't be this way." You said it. It shouldn't be like that when you are married. I am telling you from experience that all you are going to end up with is a lot of hurt and a lot of lost trust. This will affect you in future relationships. It might just be verbal - for now. But I am telling you from experience it - only - gets - worse.

    I wasted five years of my life on my ex husband. Luckily out of that it was only one year of marriage. But now I doubt if I'll ever get married again let alone date. I have zero trust left for anyone. I also have our daughter and she takes up most of my time. But he screwed me up. It started out as verbal and emotional but I didn't realize it until later. The physical abuse was after he did drugs and alcohol. But still...it happened.

    His first wife said she stayed for the exact same reason you did. She was married to him for 7 years. (The first 3 he was in prison). She said she felt obligated to do what she could to save it because of her religion. She told me stories and it was exactly what he did to me. Physical, emotional, verbal and financial abuse.

    He will NOT change unless HE wants to. You can't change him. But it's your life. If you would like to waste your time and energy on "fixing" him by all means it's your life.
     
  19. mightymoose

    mightymoose Moderator

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    I agree that some distance is needed. He can't just throw you out, but you can voluntarily leave at any time. You can do that and seek help for him without initiating divorce.
    Even if he won't attend counseling YOU can, and doing so may help you figure out what to do.
    His threats are enough that you should strongly consider getting out of the house at least temporarily.
     
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  20. cynthiag

    cynthiag Active Member

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    Most of the posters on here aren't necessarily judging or criticizing you, they are trying to help you see that this situation is not a healthy one and most of us have known people in your situation (or been in your situation ourselves) and we all know it rarely gets better and often gets worse - FAR worse.

    It may be a lot to you to throw away a marriage and in many situations I'd say it was laudable of you to try to save it, but this is a situation that has the potential to be very harmful to you, and possibly your daughter. If you aren't as concerned as you should be about your own safety, think of her.Technically, she's an adult and could move out on her own, but if she isn't ready to or is unable to at this point, and plans to continue living with you, don't you have a duty to her to not continue to expose her to what could end up eventually being a very dangerous situation? She didn't choose this relationship or marriage, you did, but she could end up being a victim of his abusiveness as well.
     
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