my ex won't give permission for me to relocate w/k

[kimberly]

HELP..i'm divorced as of feb, I have sole physical and joint legal custody. My ex wants me to leave hawaii, but wants a payoff or else I'll never get to leave. He has been fired from his high paying job, lives with his parents, is an alcoholic, and is using cocaine. He doesn't see the kids often, about 6 days a month. He doesn't phone, and the kids don't really speak about him that often. He follows me, and has broken into my car and house. He does pay child support, but has already filed a motion to significantly reduce it. His brother is alienated from him because he told his his behavior is vindictive and childish. I was a stay home mom, have my real estate license, get zero help from him wiht childcare, and am looking for a job with benefits. I'm sure my opportunies are greater in California, and look forward to living without harassment. My ex will play dirty. I know it is better to have a job on the mainland, and I've tried. It is difficult to do so from Hawaii. Also, he will not take the kids so I can go to the mainland, and will not give permission for me to take the kids. Suggestions on how to proceed??

 

[jordan]

What were the grounds for your divorce? It doesn't sound amicable. If your ex is a drug addict and an alcoholic, why don't/didn't you restrict his rights? It sounds like you should give him notice (not sure of the notice period in Hawaii but I have seen it 10 to 45 days) to move and let him go to court. You may be able to use his support payment reductions hurt him -- he can't have it both ways. If you are doing most of the supporting and he isn't willing except to spend money on attorneys hurting you, well, someone has to pick up his slack.
Here is a good resource: Child custody and divorce resources for Hawaii