my child is suffering

[rain]

I have a serious problem. I have been divorced almost 4 years now. I was awarded domicilliary custody of my daughter. However, almost a year ago I allowed my daughter to go live with her father. Feeling that it would be a better situation. He had been hurt at work and could not afford to help me with child care expenses and I was working nights full-time. I felt that by letting her stay with her father she could enjoy a full time parent.
Unfortunately, in the past couple of months I have noticed some changes in my daughters behavior. She flinches at sudden movements and apologizes profusely when scolded. When I ask her if she wants to come home to me she tells me she can't because it would "hurt" daddy too much and make him sick.
Since she has lived with him, my ex no longer communicates with my freely on any subject. Even going as far as moving without disclosing, other that the city, where he was moving to. ( I have found the house but am still not allowed to go in)
Can he prevent me from moving her back in with me because I allowed her to live with him? Also, I live in Louisiana and must give him 60day written notice of intent to leave the state. I want to leave badly, but he has me absolutely terrified to even try. He says that I can go where I want but I have to leave her with him.

 

[Michael Wechsler]

Rain, while your problem can be discussed here, I don't think that answers that you are seeking can be answered adequately. This is a very complicated matter. Your daughter has lived with her father for a year with your consent, a long time. How often do you see her? How far away does her father live? She seems to have become very attached to him but also seems to exhibit some odd behavior, possibly abuse. There is also the question of your being able to support the child -- I wonder whether he would challenge your motives for moving your daughter in with him. I'm not sure I understand why he can't send support to you but he has sufficient income to take care of himself and your daughter in his home.

From the way I see it, if you have legal custody of your child, you should be able to move her back home and might want to do so immediately. I don't know LA law but you might be skirting a fine line by giving custody of your child to your ex for this period of time, which I assume was not done pursuant to a formal agreement and involvement of the court. Most importantly, if you suspect some type of abuse or other problem, I would think the decision would be a no-brainer, despite the fact that your daughter might be disappointed. Additionally, it seems obvious that by allowing your daughter to live with your ex full time, you are allowing her to forge a stronger bond with her father at the expense of your own relationship with your daughter. There is no easy, painless solution.

I'm also not sure what is terrifying you. What is the worst that he does if you give him a 60 day notice? Not consent to your leaving the state and challenge you? You might want to first take your daughter back into your custody before deciding to send a 60 day notice. Is it possible that you are terrified of having to confront him and deal with this situation both emotionally and financially? I feel for you and know that it must be dauting and very difficult. Perhaps you may wish to sort out personal issues first.