Moving, can I take my daughter?

[smithfamily08]

My husband and I are moving from North Carolina to Oklahoma, can I take my daughter with me? Her father and I have equal joint custody in our divorce decree with no actual custody papers. Also, there is no primary or secondary custodial parent. She stays with me while he works, he works 12 hour swing shifts, so I still end up having her the majority of the time. I can't leave her, but we can't afford to stay here in NC anymore either. We both have a home and jobs when we get there, but I have to know if I can legally take my babygirl with me. Please someone respond with any advice or answers as soon as you can. Thank you!

 

[Duranie]

If you were divorced it sounds like there is a custody order somewhere. Dad is clearly involved so you just cannot get up and leave. You'll need his permission. Try to work something out with him to allow the move. You should be willing to pay for visits since you are moving. Dad certainly has the right to ask for custody. You may have toleave the child with Dad if he gets custody.

 

[smithfamily08]

We were granted an absolute divorce and the only custody is that each of us have equal joint custody of her. Also, there is a line that states "that each of the parties shall be free to reside at such place or places as he or she deems appropriate, and they may conduct, carry on and engage in any employment, business, or trade, excluding illegal activity, the they may desire or deem appropriate free from control or restraint or interference by the other party." Another line says: " that neither party will molest, interfere, exploit, visit or have cause for interaction in any manner or at any time, excluding circumstances invlolving the minor child whereas her best interest is concerned, without the prior consent of the other party." Does this mean I have to infom him of the move, and have him agree to it?

 

[Duranie]

The order does not specifically address moving, so it would be unwise to do it. All Dad has to do is go to court and file for custody or the child to be returned. Keep in mimd that your current state retains jurisdiction so it will be an inconvenience to youto travel to this state when dad files motions. By moving you are interfering with Dad's visitation, so he has a good case to fight you in court.

 

[smithfamily08]

Ok thank you for answering my questions. I will talk to him and see if he would agree OR if not file a motion for primary custody. I have some solid ground to stand on, due to issues with his girlfriend being arrested for DWI after she was involved in an accident with our daughter in the vehicle. The girlfriend was also in another wreck two months later, and was clearly intoxicated as to a copy of a dispatch report I have. So I may do that if he doesn't agree to let her go. I do appreciate you taking the time to help me out.

 

[Duranie]

My question is, if his girlfriend was driving drunk with your child in the car, why didn't you address this before now? It still will not mean you can move out of state but you need to obtain an order that girlfriend is not allowed to drive your kids. Was she charged with endangerment? If you are allowed to move, Dad will still likely get visitation and you'll might be stuck doing at least half of the travel.

 

[smithfamily08]

Before you pre-judge, you must know the situation. I'm not a bad mother, just one who knows that I will have to take on his entire family and they have the money to hire one of the best attorney's in the region for cases like this. Yes, I'm intimidated by them. I don't want to argue with anyone about my daughter and I know that I will have to. I shouldn't have to beg someone to let my own flesh and blood live with me.
The girlfriend has been moving in and back out every since this happened. No she wasn't charged with endangerment either occurrence and was only charged with DWI that one time. We live in a pretty backwards town-everybody knows everybody and their business AND if the law enforcement officers know your family they pretty much let you off with something minor. But I have made it clear to her, him, and his family that my daughter WILL NOT be in the car or I will take out papers. I found out about the second time after they'd broken up this last time. And once I found out that she was back in the home, I tried to get a 50-B filed against her on my daughter's behalf and was told that it wouldn't be wise by the agency that was going to assist me in getting it. Plus the dad and I have a pretty civil relationship otherwise, and I don't want anything to mess it up. But I don't want to leave her here where I can't police the actions of others in her life. My ex-husband and I have already buried one child due to inoperable brain cancer almost two years ago and I can't bury another one of my babies.

 

[Duranie]

You still are going to have to go to court and ask for the courts permission.