Motion to Modify Child Custody

[Harmony163]

Jurisdiction

Maine

Hi all, this is my first forum post!

I reside in Maine and my ex-husband has filed a motion to modify our child current custody court order. He currently has my son every Wednesday night and every other Friday and Saturday night, and we communicate to establish a schedule for holidays.

He has been living with his current girlfriend for approximately one year, and this past summer she wanted all communication to go through her. She wants me to have zero contact with my ex-husband. She also wanted me to go out for coffee with them on occasion to establish a friendly co-parenting situation. I had an excellent co-parenting situation with my husband before this woman entered her life, and worked well with previous girlfriends of his, and respectfully declined her wishes. She has been very controlling and I often feel as though I am talking to her via text and not the father of my son.

My son will be 7 in August and is a very bright boy who excels in school and karate. He is very well behaved and mature beyond his years. If my son wanted to spend more time with his father and his girlfriend, then it wouldn't take a court order for me to allow that. I have always wanted the best for him, and always will. When I was served with the motion to modify by the police (I have a lawyer but apparently his lawyer made a filing mistake, unfortunately at the cost of seriously startling my child) I had a talk with my son. I told him that I love him and want him to be happy and that if he wanted to spend more nights with his father then I truly want that for him.

My son is very decisive for his age and expressed adamantly that he loves his life and wishes for no changes to his schedule. That is the reason that I had my lawyer decline my ex-husband's request. I truly feel that there is no significant change that warrants this motion to modify and that his girlfriend is truly trying to gain power over me. I feel defeated because of the inevitable thousands of dollars that will be spent on attorney fees that could have gone towards my child's first car. I have many questions, but my first is whether or not this is even warranted?

The significant changes since the last court order (which was ~5 years ago) that he listed on the motion to modify were that:

One: the child is now in school. But I'm not sure how that pertains to my son thriving under the motion to modify guidelines. He is already a gifted and talented student and I have worked with him extensively with reading and math. During the one school night a week he is with his father he doesn't always review his spelling words.

Two: his employment situation has changed. My ex-husband has been self-employed since the last court order and claims to earn very little money when filing for his taxes. I realize that this lowers his child support and is unfair to me, but what I am focused on is my child's quality of life. How does a change in the employment status of my ex-husband improve my child's life? I am a director of nursing and have a lot of schedule flexibility and have managed all of my son's medical appointments, his father has attended one or possibly two. I provide health care insurance for my son because his father is self-employed. I am worried about my son's quality of life if he spends the 50% of nights with his father that is being requested.

Three: that our communication has broken down. This is true, his girlfriend doesn't allow me to pick up my son at his father's house anymore. We have to meet at a central location and she is always there. The one time his father attended one of his karate practices was when I was on vacation and his girlfriend knew I wouldn't be there. His father and I had an excellent co-parenting situation before she influenced his life, but I'm not sure how awarding him more time with my child brings about any benefit to my son. I am actually less comfortable with my child being in his care, especially when my son tells me that neither his father nor girlfriend supervised him while being at a stranger's house (who ended up being a friend of his girlfriend). I am being left out in the dark on numerous parenting decisions, and it seems like a way for my ex-husband to prove his loyalty to his girlfriend (that he is willing to hurt me). I am no longer to communicate with my ex-husband over the phone unless there is an emergency (and if there was, he still wouldn't answer because he wouldn't think it was emergent, I have tried before).

Do any of these "significant changes" warrant me having to spend thousands of dollars on attorney fees and go to trial to fight for the status quo? My son's life is not broken and I am not sure what we are trying to fix here. I feel as though I am going to trial for my son, and his father is going to trial for his girlfriend.

He is fighting for 50/50 and is not even allowed to take phone calls from me per his girlfriend. I don't want to be left out in the dark about half of my child's life. This has been a nightmare for me as a mother and I really need advice regarding how to proceed. I am requesting a guardian ad litem so my son's wishes can at least be heard as he is very clear about what he wants, and he is very open and honest with me. He told me that his father asked him if he wanted to spend more time with them, and my son said that he wanted everything to stay the same. Unfortunately, his father invalidates his feelings and says that he is too young to understand and know what he wants. I am at a loss and feel helpless

Practical advice?

 

[adjusterjack]

Do any of these "significant changes" warrant me having to spend thousands of dollars on attorney fees and go to trial to fight for the status quo?

Unfortunately, yes. Your ex has already served you the papers. You have no choice but to spend the money on your lawyer to fight him on it.

I am at a loss and feel helpless

Your ex and his manipulative girlfriend are relying on just that to get you to succumb to their wants.

Practical advice?

Rely on your attorney.

 

[army judge]

Practical advice?

The court is only concerned with what is in the best interest of your child.

Why is that important?

Because you need to address this from the perspective of what serves your child best.
Courts dislike one parent to besmirch the other, so always speak in the voice of what will best serve your child.

Never speak ill of the other parent.

Always speak about the your child's educational needs, medical needs, and spiritual needs.

Don't succumb to what many parents do, addressing the child's LIKES or WANTS, versus NEEDS!

 

[Harmony163]

Rely on your attorney.

At this point that is all I feel I can do. My attorney, after hearing my side of the story, felt that I should file my own motion to modify. I just worry that his father and I are wasting thousands of dollars but nor nothing productive to come of it. What is the general way that things progress from here, the timeline from the time of being served a motion to modify?

My attorney has already submitted that we can not come to an agreement on the requested changes and filed our own motion to modify two weeks ago. My ex-husband and his lawyer responded and it appears as though the only things we can agree on are the name and date of birth of our child. We can't even agree on which towns our son has resided in the custody of each parent for the previous three years. My ex-husband has listed only one town but has truly lived in three different ones (as have I, admittedly). I wasn't sure why he was dishonest so I asked him, and now have a text message stating the truth, which seems strange to me.

Courts dislike one parent to besmirch the other, so always speak in the voice of what will best serve your child.

Never speak ill of the other parent.

Always speak about the your child's educational needs, medical needs, and spiritual needs.

So would it be unwise to mention that my ex-husband corporally punishes his child and that I do not agree with this form of punishment? What about the fact that he is a tobacco smoker? Is cannabinoid screening even a consideration anymore?

I have a text message five months after school started in which my ex-husband asked me what time school was released, is that at all useful? Medically, I have records showing that I have attended all medical appointments in the past six years and that he has been to two, but once again, I am not sure what the court would bother to look at.

As far as education, should I gather school documents showing how excellent he is doing in school, perhaps a letter from his teacher, report cards, quiz scores, etc.?

I am a director of nursing and know the importance of my child taking Singulair every day, and have texts where his father admits to forgetting to give it to him during the few nights of the week he is with him. But once again I really don't want to bash my ex-husband, so I am not sure if this is worth mentioning to my lawyer. Perhaps I could acquire a physician's note stating the importance of the daily use of this medication.

 

[Harmony163]

At the turn of the New Year, I wanted to confirm that my ex-husband wouldn't be modifying our son's schedule, and would just be looking at holidays and incorporating a meeting place for handoffs into our motion to modify. I told him that I was going on vacation but would happily save that money if I knew I would need it to for fight for things to stay the same (scheduling). Halfway through my vacation in January my lawyer sent me the documentation showing that he was fighting for shared primary residency and 50/50 living, which, after taking into account all the holidays he requested, would give our son more time with his father, who he has only been with on Wednesday nights and every other weekend for his entire life. This doesn't speak to the care of our child, but would a court be interested in how this speaks to my ex-husband's character?

 

[KatDini]

At the turn of the New Year, I wanted to confirm that my ex-husband wouldn't be modifying our son's schedule, and would just be looking at holidays and incorporating a meeting place for handoffs into our motion to modify. I told him that I was going on vacation but would happily save that money if I knew I would need it to for fight for things to stay the same (scheduling). Halfway through my vacation in January my lawyer sent me the documentation showing that he was fighting for shared primary residency and 50/50 living, which, after taking into account all the holidays he requested, would give our son more time with his father, who he has only been with on Wednesday nights and every other weekend for his entire life. This doesn't speak to the care of our child, but would a court be interested in how this speaks to my ex-husband's character?

These are all questions that should be addressed to your attorney; your attorney is more familiar with the family court judges in your jurisdiction than a bunch of random strangers on the Interwebs would be.

 

[Harmony163]

These are all questions that should be addressed to your attorney; your attorney is more familiar with the family court judges in your jurisdiction than a bunch of random strangers on the Interwebs would be.

Every dollar spent communicating with my attorney is a dollar out of me and my son's pocket so I am trying to understand the situation as thoroughly as possible independently.

 

[ElleMD]

Much of what you write really has zero bearing on custody. In fact, nothing you shared raises any red flags. A 6 year old's report card is legally meaningless. Parents frequently disagree on discipline, even when still married. Unless he is truly abusive, it is just one of those things you need to discuss as parents.

You need to understand that the court's default goal is to allow the child to be parented as close to equally as possible by both parents. You are going to have to have a really good reason not to increase his visitation time. A few missed med doses that resulted in no adverse effect, texts asking what time school lets out, and you being the parent to attend most medical appointments (which is commonly true, especially when one parent has a medical background) amount to nothing more than petty complaints. If there is some substantial reason that an increase in parenting time would be detrimental, you need to share that with your attorney. The fact that you are used to the status quo and like having the majority of the time with the child is not going to be considered a good reason to deny the other parent the same opportunity. The bar for parents is pretty low and courts won't weigh minute differences in parenting roles to declare one the "better" parent and more worthy of the lion's share of the parenting time. It is common with very young children to primarily reside with one parent who is the primary caregiver, often the mother, and to adjust that as the child gets older.

 

[Harmony163]

Much of what you write really has zero bearing on custody. In fact, nothing you shared raises any red flags. A 6 year old's report card is legally meaningless. Parents frequently disagree on discipline, even when still married. Unless he is truly abusive, it is just one of those things you need to discuss as parents.

You need to understand that the court's default goal is to allow the child to be parented as close to equally as possible by both parents. You are going to have to have a really good reason not to increase his visitation time. A few missed med doses that resulted in no adverse effect, texts asking what time school lets out, and you being the parent to attend most medical appointments (which is commonly true, especially when one parent has a medical background) amount to nothing more than petty complaints. If there is some substantial reason that an increase in parenting time would be detrimental, you need to share that with your attorney. The fact that you are used to the status quo and like having the majority of the time with the child is not going to be considered a good reason to deny the other parent the same opportunity. The bar for parents is pretty low and courts won't weigh minute differences in parenting roles to declare one the "better" parent and more worthy of the lion's share of the parenting time. It is common with very young children to primarily reside with one parent who is the primary caregiver, often the mother, and to adjust that as the child gets older.

Shouldn't the burden of proof be on my ex-husband, and not on me? I am fighting for the status quo, and nothing is currently broken in my child's life, so I feel as though there is nothing to fix.

What significant change in circumstances that he is claiming has anything to do with my son?

My ex-husband knowingly brought my son to his carpentry job site while working alongside a known child rapist (public information and he was well aware).

He also consistently spent nights with his son at a former girlfriend's house who had multiple pet dogs. This resulted in numerous trips to the Doctor's office for my son due to his difficulty breathing, cough, sinuses, etc. (he is allergic to dogs).

When I asked what my son did during a recent weekend with his father he said he was playing at a friend's house. He said that neither daddy nor his girlfriend was there. When I confronted his father, he lied to me about the situation and said they were both supervising. I have no idea who they are leaving my child with, it is highly irresponsible, children have no reason to lie about something of this nature.

What I do know is that my son loves his life, is well balanced in every facet of life and thinks the world of me and that I can protect him from anything. If his schedule does get changed this drastically, meaning twice as much time with his father and girlfriend, and half as much with me, I have a great fear that he will develop insecurity issues. I have no problems with his schedule changing in time, but my hope would be that it would occur more gradually and organically as he develops a stronger bond with his father.

 

[army judge]

@Harmony163

Your love for your child is apparent in your posts.

That said, love has no bounds, even if it costs $100 a minute to keep your child safe, spending it with your lawyer should be no barrier, if it means your child will be kept in your protective arms.

The inattentive, careless, lackadaisical portrait you paint of the child's pappy ALONE should drive you to spend your loot to keep your baby safe.

Ultimately this old West Texas country boy lawyer has no dog in your fight, so I'll just wish you well.

 

[Disabled Vet]

I don't see anything bad about what the father is doing. You keep saying " My son " which it isn't. You should be saying " Our son " because the boy has a father and a mother. You can't micro manage what the father does. Nor can you control how he does things. Unless they bring harm to the child. Honestly, the only problem i see in this. Is how you state my son tells me this or that. Which means your talking to your son about issues he shouldn't be involved with. You have a lawyer. He/She should guide you thru what is right or wrong. Maybe give it a shot the 50/50 and see how it turns out. Father can always say and maybe its true. I didn't know about the doctor appts, karate lesson times. When she went on vacation i knew the times i went. You stated you couldn't speak with the ex. Yet you stated you asked him about why did he lie about towns he lived in. He replied back to you. Based on your own statement.

 

[ElleMD]

Again, the court's goal is for the child to spend equal time with both parents as much as possible. This is the man, for better or worse, you chose to be his father. Parents make mistakes, do things the other parent wouldn't agree with, and have different rules all the time. I am certain there are things you have done that you could have done better, or that turned out poorly. No one parents perfectly. No one. Spending time in court trading petty slights and critiquing one's parenting technique is not helpful nor is it likely to go over well with a judge.

Taking the child to work with him is often considered a good thing and many, many parents do it. There is even a day designated as "Take Your Kid To Work Day". Unless he was leaving him unsupervised with this rapist, the judge is unlikely to care. Playdates with friends (seriously, who sits at someone's house to babysit a playdate when the kid is 6? Maybe when they are toddlers, but by 6 kids are capable of play without a parent hovering), and spending the night with a significant other, are normal things. My 6 year old niece has sleep overs at friend's homes and they at hers.

Your ex is filing for additional parenting time as he has just as much right to parent the child as you do. The child being older and better able to manage transitions between homes is a good reason to modify. As is his change in jobs so he is home more. Whatever his reason for doing it now, he doesn't have to prove the status quo is detrimental, nor that he would be a superior parent. That just isn't how it works. Not when you are no longer with the father of your child. I can't promise what the judge will decide, or how it will play out, but I do encourage you to rid yourself of the notion that you are more entitled to custody than he is. It very well may backfire. I know of several cases where one parent trying to limit parenting time with the other resulted in the judge granting sole physical custody to the parent being denied to help build those parental bonds.

 

[Harmony163]

I don't see anything bad about what the father is doing. You keep saying " My son " which it isn't. You should be saying " Our son " because the boy has a father and a mother. You can't micro manage what the father does. Nor can you control how he does things. Unless they bring harm to the child. Honestly, the only problem i see in this. Is how you state my son tells me this or that. Which means your talking to your son about issues he shouldn't be involved with. You have a lawyer. He/She should guide you thru what is right or wrong. Maybe give it a shot the 50/50 and see how it turns out. Father can always say and maybe its true. I didn't know about the doctor appts, karate lesson times. When she went on vacation i knew the times i went. You stated you couldn't speak with the ex. Yet you stated you asked him about why did he lie about towns he lived in. He replied back to you. Based on your own statement.

Saying that it is "my son," is accurate, and saying that it is "our son," is also accurate, I opted for the former, a merely semantic decision.

I do not micromanage what the father does, I am trying to determine what a judge would need me to present to reject his motion to modify, only because my child prefers things to stay the way that they are. When my ex-husband has requested more time with my son, and he has the opportunity to do something fun with his father, I have been flexible and allowed for such. I just feel bullied ever since his new girlfriend came into the picture and am trying to stay strong for my son, who is now second to his father's girlfriend.

I disagree, communication with my child is paramount and if he is not comfortable spending more time with his father and likes his current life, then I will fight for that. He has the right to know that he can have more time with his dad, and I would be fine with that. Unfortunately, he feels intimidated by his father, having to put on an act for him, and whenever he returns to me you can see the relief in his eyes. This is me fighting for my son, nothing more, and nothing less. During our divorce proceeding, I took a substantial cut in child support in favor of having more time with my child because that is what I truly care about. No one on this planet has spent more time with my child and knows him better than I do, but unfortunately, that offers no impact in the court of the law from the sound of things.

My mother told me that he was at his son's karate practice while I was on vacation.

I may have misspoken, I meant to say that I am not allowed to communicate with him over the phone or in-person, we are only able to text message so that his girlfriend can read and respond to what I have written.

I am worried about transitioning from 25/75 to 50/50, would the change be instantaneous? If this does occur, I want it to be as smooth a transition as possible for my son. Spending half as much time with me and twice as much with his father as he is accustomed, especially in the middle of the school year, concerns me. This is the life he has always known, and I wish my ex-husband would allow their relationship to blossom organically instead of having a judge authorize such a change.

 

[Harmony163]

No one. Spending time in court trading petty slights and critiquing one's parenting technique is not helpful nor is it likely to go over well with a judge.

I agree and do not wish to critique his father's parenting technique, I do not wish to spend time in court at all. These attorney fees are depleting funds that my son could have benefited from. Unfortunately, my son and I were served by a police officer with this motion to modify on an otherwise peaceful evening and I have been checkmated into this pathway.

Playdates with friends (seriously, who sits at someone's house to babysit a playdate when the kid is 6?

My concern was that I was not made aware that my child was being supervised by a mother that I had never once met. My additional concern was that my ex-husband lied to me when I told him what my son said he did that weekend. As his mother, I feel entitled to be made aware of these things. How I truly feel is that these problems would be non-existent if they had a child of their own. His girlfriend has overstepped far too many boundaries and that is unacceptable to me.

I can't promise what the judge will decide, or how it will play out, but I do encourage you to rid yourself of the notion that you are more entitled to custody than he is.

Thank you for the feedback. Truly this is not about me, I realize that we are both equally entitled to custody, we have joint custody for that matter. He is just as fit of a parent as I am. I simply want the best for my child, and he is very confident and adamant about his wishes in life, in this situation and otherwise.

 

[cynthiag]

I understand that I don't know you personally, so please don't think I'm saying that this is specific to your case, but I think you would be surprised to learn the things that can be unconsciously telegraphed to children by their parents and then repeated by the child as their own wishes, driven by a desire to please that parent.

You say you don't want to critique your ex's parenting technique, but children can pick up on little things you say that you may think they don't notice and interpret those as the idea that dad somehow isn't doing or can't do as good a job of parenting them as you do. In their desire to please you, they will tell you the things that they think you want to hear, knowing it in some way validates the way you feel about what's going on.

I am not saying that the child would lie, but I have observed children play up any negative aspect of what they did while with the other parent because they thought the parent they were speaking to would somehow be pleased to hear the negative.

You say that you would rather your child's relationship with his father could "blossom organically" rather than having a judge make the decision, but it honestly sounds to me like you might find ways to prevent that from happening, at least to the degree your ex-husband would like, absent an actual court-ordered modification of the custody arrangement.

You might be surprised at how well your child would adjust and adapt to a new custody arrangement, if you truly do accept and believe that your son's father actually is just as fit as a parent as you are. If a judge orders it, in large part it's going to be up to you to make it as smooth a transition as possible. Of course your child says he is happy with the current arrangement, it's all he's known in his life. If the custody arrangement changes, it will be up to you to present it to the child as positively as you can. Don't talk to him about what's going on in court, don't present it to him as you having to go "fight for him" as if his father is someone you have to protect him from, and if your ex wins more physical custody, don't apologize to your son as if he's going to be subjected to myriad difficulties or problems because the situation has changed. Being positive and upbeat on your part, at least in front of your child, will be the key to a successful transition.

 

[army judge]

I am not allowed to communicate with him over the phone or in-person, we are only able to text message so that his girlfriend can read and respond to what I have written.

If you and the male don't communicate directly, but through an intermediary, that is wise.

Divorces and/or break ups are very often messy.

But for the child(ren), both of you likely would have parted company forever.

Alas, you appear involved for another 14 or 15 odd years, until the child attains majority.

You and the male can negotiate a compromise BEFORE the next court date.

You're 75/25 now, why not offer a transitional plan, eventually reaching somewhere near 50/50.

You could offer 60/40 for six months, evaluate your success, transition to a PERMANENT 55/45 for 12 months, evaluate your success towards 50/50, which will probably be unnecessary by then.

More than likely the male is looking for you to give, you're rigid, so he's using the court process to break you financially and spiritually.

I've seen it dozens of times, with the roles playing out about equally over time.

Male screwing with female, female screwing with male, sometimes EACH screwing the other equally.

If you begin to compromise, your child won't suffer any of this pettiness, you won't be forced to squander your finances by paying attorneys, losing days from work in court, and being angry all the time.

You can start to give, or have the judge take it from you anyway, making the male feel as if he "got you good, hahahahaha"!

 

[Harmony163]

In their desire to please you, they will tell you the things that they think you want to hear, knowing it in some way validates the way you feel about what's going on.

Thank you, that makes a lot of sense and I will certainly keep that in mind!

You say that you would rather your child's relationship with his father could "blossom organically" rather than having a judge make the decision, but it honestly sounds to me like you might find ways to prevent that from happening, at least to the degree your ex-husband would like, absent an actual court-ordered modification of the custody arrangement.

Very true, and I can appreciate his perspective. He often complains about going close to a week without seeing his son. However, he can attend his son's karate practice every Tuesday or Thursday evening with a ten-minute drive if he chooses. He has only done so once in the past two years, and that was when he and his girlfriend knew I was on vacation and wouldn't be there. It is hard for me to imagine wanting to develop a better bond with my son while not attending his practices, not calling to speak to him when he is not in my care and to allow a significant other of mine communicate all parenting logistics to the other parent. He has always allowed his girlfriends to change him, and his siblings have even reached out to me complaining about his current girlfriend and how bossy she is at social gatherings. I tell them I have no control over his life and that he is free to do as he chooses, and that I hope my son is not negatively affected.

You might be surprised at how well your child would adjust and adapt to a new custody arrangement, if you truly do accept and believe that your son's father actually is just as fit as a parent as you are.

I believe that he will be perceived as just as fit in the eyes of a judge. But unfortunately, he would never put his son before a significant other of his, unlike me. What my son is lacking in his care is unconditional love. He has to disown aspects of himself to receive validation/love and be unrealistically well-behaved, and when he returns to me he is usually more attention-seeking and acts out a lot more for the first day. His father's side of the family has a military background and they have our child fold laundry for him and his girlfriend. We have very different parenting philosophies but ultimately my son is most comfortable in my household, and I hope that changes in time for the sake of his relationship with his dad.

Being positive and upbeat on your part, at least in front of your child, will be the key to a successful transition.

Thank you, that definitely seems to be the key.

 

[Harmony163]

If you and the male don't communicate directly, but through an intermediary, that is wise.

I do not want to be speaking to a girlfriend of my ex-husband regarding the child that we brought into this world. I myself can't imagine allowing a significant other to speak about my child to another parent, I care too much about my son and want to assume an active role in his life. Before this girlfriend of his, we were both allowed on one another's property and could both be supportive of our son and even do things together. We were actually very good friends, got along and were functional co-parents. I understand the boundaries that come into play when another woman enters the picture, however, communication is key and should never be compromised.

You're 75/25 now, why not offer a transitional plan, eventually reaching somewhere near 50/50.

That would be my ideal outcome if our custody schedule is going to change. I am only fighting for the current schedule because I truly feel it is best for our son, and what will make him happiest and healthiest. But yes, I may need to compromise, that is something I need to seriously surrender to.

If you begin to compromise, your child won't suffer any of this pettiness, you won't be forced to squander your finances by paying attorneys, losing days from work in court, and being angry all the time.

This is definitely growing on me. I truly do not live for this pettiness and it is not at all what I want. His girlfriend seems to feed off of this type of drama and it truly saddens me and makes me wonder if she is just seeing how much he is willing to hurt me to prove his loyalty to her. He had the motion to modify sent to me when he knew I was enjoying an international vacation. He had it sent to me with a request for 50/50 after telling my mother, prior to my departure, that he didn't want to fight for more time with his son, just the holiday schedule. I even texted him, asking specifically if he were going to court because if so I was going to cancel the vacation. He said that he saw no reason to sit before a judge. And then I return from vacation and my son and I get served by a police officer. I am not sure who it upset more, to be honest, me or my attorney when I informed her.

I truly just want to be at peace, this has all been so stressful, thank you for your advice!

 

[army judge]

Why not communicate through a licensed family counselor, a social worker, child or family psychologist, minister, rabbi, imam, etc...

Yes, a friend of one isn't a friend of the other.

You can negotiate increased visiting time for dad, by requesting all EXTENDED or COMPLICATED communication goes a social worker, family counselor, etc...

Emergency communication: serious accident, illness, trauma to the child should be short and direct to the other party.

You're no dummy, just start thinking how to make a truce.

You BOTH can do it, if you truly love the child.

Imagine how the kid must see this bickering, and how it grows in him to eventually become harmful to him one day as he pursues an committed, adult relationship.

I used to work for a General, when I was a Lt. Col, he'd always say, "Fix it, just fix it."

 

[Harmony163]

You can negotiate increased visiting time for dad, by requesting all EXTENDED or COMPLICATED communication goes a social worker, family counselor, etc...

That seems like a good goal for us, thank you for the suggestion!

Imagine how the kid must see this bickering, and how it grows in him to eventually become harmful to him one day as he pursues an committed, adult relationship.

My concern is actually just the opposite, that he doesn't see his mother father together at all. He never sees us bickering anymore because his girlfriend has controlled our communication so heavily and won't allow for it, somehow it seems to give her security in their relationship.

It would be nice if we could at least drive to one another's property, but our child has to be part of our meeting at a central, public location which is sad to me. It saddens me to see so many undesirable changes occurring just due to a girlfriend. Maybe it is inherent to gender, but my boyfriend has never mentioned my ex-husband, interfered with my co-parenting, or parenting for that matter. He actually accepts that I have a former life and child with someone and is there to support my child and I.