My ex-husband and I currently have joint custody of our 4-year old son, where we alternate weeks. We live in California. I thought I could handle it, but it's really difficult going a whole week without seeing our son. Our son has a hard time with it as well, as he cries and sobs when he has to leave my house, and begs his dad to let him stay longer because he "misses me and loves me". His dad always tells him "maybe next time". I can see an alternate week parenting plan working with an older child, but it really doesn't seem to be working with our son at such a young age. He doesn't understand why he can't stay with me freely, when he wants to. I understand his dad has a right to him as well and I want them to have a relationship, but I still feel he is far too young to be away from me for so long, especially because he has always been with me until we went to mediation and court.
Is there any likelihood of modifying the custody order? I don't know that I could convince my ex-husband that it is for the better. I know that I have no reasonable grounds for a modification but it just seems like my son would be so much happier if he could spend 2-3 days per week with dad versus an entire week without seeing me. His dad works a lot (12+ hours per day) and our son spends most of his time with his step-mom on their week (who isn't really his step-mom because they aren't married) and I think a few days of good quality time each week with dad would be much better than a whole week with his step-mom, where there is minimal contact with his dad since he is in bed before dad gets home and really only sees him on the weekend.
Our son has been having many behavioral problems that seem to mainly stem from the home transitions and/or differences between the households. Our households are extremely different, to the point where our son's personality actually seems to change after he has been with one parent for a few days. When he is with me, he is happy, outgoing, always laughing and having a good time - he loves life. He is a wonderful little boy. When he is with dad, he is really timid, shy, and quiet. Never excited, very stiff. It's really bizarre when he comes back after a week of being gone, because for the first day or two it is like he isn't even my child. It makes me worry about his mental health and the possibility of a personality disorder, now or in the future. I mean seriously, this sh*t is like on Wife Swap where they take the rocker wife and swap them with the Amish wife. It's so freaking weird!!!
His dad didn't use to be like that until he met his current girlfriend. I'm pretty sure she looks to the Old Testament for parenting advice (no joke). I say the Old Testament and not the Bible in general because the Old Testament has all the crazy original traditional stuff that couldn't possibly prosper in most of today's society. Actually, I'm talking out my a** here, but it's strange. I don't mean to be judgmental, but their home life seems really strange, almost cult-like. They seem to talk about God and death a lot, and how death is a good thing because it means you get to be with Jesus. I'm sorry, but it creeps me out when my son tells me he wants to die so he can go live with Jesus!! What the...!! To reiterate, I really do want more time because I want more time, and not because of the strangeness.
I know this is irrelevant to my original question (which I've bolded above to separate it from the ranting - it's probably hard to find otherwise!!), but really, how on earth are you suppose to co-parent a child when you have completely different styles of parenting? I guess this isn't the place to consult for parenting advice
Our son is starting counseling/play therapy (court ordered) in May and I have enrolled in co-parenting classes (my ex-husband is suppose to enroll as well). I'm hoping that this will help, but I can't see how it will stop the tears and heartache, and I don't see how well co-parenting will go when neither of us are willing to change our style of parenting.
I know that the tears are irrelevant to the courts, but, damn...
Advice, please!
Is there any likelihood of modifying the custody order? I don't know that I could convince my ex-husband that it is for the better. I know that I have no reasonable grounds for a modification but it just seems like my son would be so much happier if he could spend 2-3 days per week with dad versus an entire week without seeing me. His dad works a lot (12+ hours per day) and our son spends most of his time with his step-mom on their week (who isn't really his step-mom because they aren't married) and I think a few days of good quality time each week with dad would be much better than a whole week with his step-mom, where there is minimal contact with his dad since he is in bed before dad gets home and really only sees him on the weekend.
Our son has been having many behavioral problems that seem to mainly stem from the home transitions and/or differences between the households. Our households are extremely different, to the point where our son's personality actually seems to change after he has been with one parent for a few days. When he is with me, he is happy, outgoing, always laughing and having a good time - he loves life. He is a wonderful little boy. When he is with dad, he is really timid, shy, and quiet. Never excited, very stiff. It's really bizarre when he comes back after a week of being gone, because for the first day or two it is like he isn't even my child. It makes me worry about his mental health and the possibility of a personality disorder, now or in the future. I mean seriously, this sh*t is like on Wife Swap where they take the rocker wife and swap them with the Amish wife. It's so freaking weird!!!
His dad didn't use to be like that until he met his current girlfriend. I'm pretty sure she looks to the Old Testament for parenting advice (no joke). I say the Old Testament and not the Bible in general because the Old Testament has all the crazy original traditional stuff that couldn't possibly prosper in most of today's society. Actually, I'm talking out my a** here, but it's strange. I don't mean to be judgmental, but their home life seems really strange, almost cult-like. They seem to talk about God and death a lot, and how death is a good thing because it means you get to be with Jesus. I'm sorry, but it creeps me out when my son tells me he wants to die so he can go live with Jesus!! What the...!! To reiterate, I really do want more time because I want more time, and not because of the strangeness.
I know this is irrelevant to my original question (which I've bolded above to separate it from the ranting - it's probably hard to find otherwise!!), but really, how on earth are you suppose to co-parent a child when you have completely different styles of parenting? I guess this isn't the place to consult for parenting advice
Our son is starting counseling/play therapy (court ordered) in May and I have enrolled in co-parenting classes (my ex-husband is suppose to enroll as well). I'm hoping that this will help, but I can't see how it will stop the tears and heartache, and I don't see how well co-parenting will go when neither of us are willing to change our style of parenting.
I know that the tears are irrelevant to the courts, but, damn...
Advice, please!
I guess that makes sense 
Like, they force my son to wear long sleeve shirts (no characters or words are allowed) and pants in the HOT California sun!! And he must wear dress shoes at all times. Things like that... they are just setting him up to be teased and picked on as he gets older. Hopefully peer pressure in the future will get them to change their minds on that one. My mom use to not allow my siblings and I to have wording on our shirts either. She said that it was just how things were back then... and then one day when my brother was 8 or 9 he came home from school and asked, "Why can't we have shirts with words on them like the other kids at school?" After that she allowed it - and it wasn't even a negative experience for my brother, just him asking a simple question that she didn't really have a good answer for, since she had no real reason for it, except that it was the late 70's/early 80's and kids just didn't wear that stuff then.